Mutatio Severus
by sweet-dirty
Summary: Things Harry and Snape have in common: loyal to Dumbledore and willing to give their life for the good cause. Yeah, that's about it. There's no way in hell they're ever going to be able to get along. No. Not a chance.
1. Chapter 1 Mors et vita

**Mutatio Severus – **_A Severe Change_

By Rachel

Rating: 18+

Warning: This is slash (fiction with male/male sexual involvement). This story contains explicit language and sex.  
>If you don't like slash, please don't read these stories!<br>If you are underage, don't read these stories.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

)-(

_Severus Tobias Snape, former Death Eater. Dedicated to spying for the Order. _

_Harry James Potter, the-boy-who-lived. Destined to end Voldemort. _

_Things they have in common: loyal to Dumbledore and willing to give their life for the good cause. Yeah, that's about it. There's no way in hell they're ever going to be able to get along. No. Not a chance._

)-(

I. Mors et vita *

"Finally, Potter. I was looking for you," McGonagall strode into her office, not nearly looking as composed as usual.

"Professor! Snape – he was on our side all the time!" Harry had just emerged from the pensieve, watched Severus Snape's memories that he'd poured out just before he blew out his final breath. The final battle had just ended, and Harry had sought out the first occasion to escape to the Headmaster's office to use the pensieve. "And ... and Dumbledore sacrificed him! He sacrificed him so that Voldemort would _think_ that he was the master of the Elder Wand! How – how could he! And now I know that Snape was ... well that he was a hero all along, and now," Harry's voice broke and he took a shuddering breath, "now he's dead."

"Potter ... Harry, please sit down for a moment."

"He's dead now! I'll never be able to – thank him."

"Please stop rambling for a second and hear me out. Professor Snape is alive. Barely, but he's not dead. After you left the Shrieking Shack, I found him and transported him to Grimmauld Place. I'm sorry I took him to your house, but it was the only place I could think of."

"He – he – he's alive?" Harry stammered, finally sitting down as his knees gave way. "You saved him?"

"He's alive, but I'm not sure if he'll survive. I urgently need to find someone to take care of him. I left him merely half an hour ago, when he fell asleep, but he needs constant surveillance. I can't take him to St. Mungo's, there's no question about that. Luckily, he always carries the most important potions on himself, so I was able to give him a blood-replenishing potion and some sedative."

"I'll go. I don't wanna be here anyway," Harry shook his head wearily.

"You need rest Harry."

"So does Snape. He'll sleep most of the time anyway. Right?"

"Okay, you can Apparate from just outside the gates. I'll send you word as soon as I find a Healer who's willing to ..." her voice trailed off and she shook her head. It would be nearly impossible to find a Healer to treat the supposed Death Eater who killed Albus Dumbledore.

"How badly hit are the dungeons? Is the potions lab still intact?" Harry called her back to the present.

"I – don't know."

"I'm gonna check that out first. I'll take all the ingredients I can find, so I can set up a lab at Grimmauld Place," Harry's thoughts were racing. Where had he left his potion's book? The one from the Half-Blood Prince? A chuckle escaped his lips when he realized that that had been Snape's, and now he was going to use it for him. At Harry's chuckle, McGonagall looked at him as if he'd gone crazy.

"Really, Professor. I'm fine, and I'll take care of Snape. It's probably best if we don't tell anyone that he's still alive?"

"Yes, I think that would be best. For now," she nodded curtly and patted his shoulder awkwardly. "Thank you. For – everything."

Harry shrugged uncomfortably, then hurried from the office.

)-(

Harry's head snapped up when he heard a soft, raspy moan. He'd been dozing off in an armchair. He carefully approached the bed when he saw weak movements in the critically injured man.

Snape's eyes slowly opened halfway, then closed again. At the second attempt, his eyes opened fully.

"Professor?" Harry said quietly, making sure not to loom over the man. A weird, wet sound came from his throat, like someone who tried to speak under water, or more like someone who tried to speak over a mouth full of hot soup.

"You're at Grimmauld Place. Professor McGonagall saved you from the Shrieking Shack after – after Nagini bit you," Harry told in a subdued voice when the dark eyes focused on him. Another bubbly, raspy noise sounded in the quiet room, and Harry's eyes flew to Snape's throat.

"The snake bit you in the neck, that's probably why you can't speak right now. I'm still giving you blood-replenishing potion at regular intervals, along with blood-cleansing and pain potions. You don't have any other injuries, but the poison had spread through all of your body, and the wound in your neck still bleeds sometimes. Oh and Voldemort is dead now."

Snape's hand slowly lifted to feel the bandage in his neck and his eyes flew around the room.

"There's no one else here, just me."

Snape made another sound, an impatient look on his face, in spite of the sedatives.

"Uhm, what?" Harry said, followed by another grunt from the older man. He held out his hand, then when Harry looked at it hesitantly, he closed it around empty air.

"Your wand? It's here," Harry quickly put the wand in his hand, and stepped back. Just in case.

Snaped lifted his arm and began writing in the air, but before Harry could read the words, they disappeared in thin air. Snape's arm sank back on the bed, an exhausted look on his face.

"You'd better go back to sleep Professor. I'll find something you can write on when you wake up again. I – I'll take care of you. I've seen your memories in the pensieve."

Harry quickly darted from the room before Snape even registered what he'd said. Harry stopped outside the door and took a deep breath. Even though he knew that Snape had been on the good side all along, he had been horrible to Harry all those years. And they were alone in this house, and Snape had a wand in his hand ... Better safe than sorry.

)-(

_How long have I been here?_

"This is the sixteenth day," Harry answered when he read the message that Snape had written on the blackboard with his wand.

_Have you been giving me the same potions every day?_

"Yes, I told you before. Blood-replenishing and –cleansing and pain potions."

_The same combination every day?_

"Oh, no. You need less blood-replenishing the last few days, because the wound seems to be closing. That's why I think your blood is getting cleaner, but I've been giving you a constant dose of cleansing potion. And I've been switching between the different pain and sleeping potions, because I'm not sure whether the effect is wearing off after a few doses."

_So not the same potions._

"Uhm, no."

_Your answers are still as smart as when you were taking my classes, Potter._

"Well, I guess you don't exactly bring out the best in me."

_And yet I'm stuck here with you._

"Is that so bad? I've kept you alive, haven't I? And it seems you're getting better," Harry couldn't help snide at the other man.

_Watch your mouth Potter._

"What are you gonna do to me? Hex me? Then who will give you your potions? Clean you?"

_I am perfectly capable of casting the cleaning spells myself. And Kreacher has been making your food, hasn't he? Then he can give me my potions too._

"And who will brew your potions?" Harry snorted.

_You have been brewing the potions?_

An amazed, and somewhat scared look flashed over Snape's face. "Yes of course. It's chaos out there, it's not like I can get potions by mail-order or something like that. Don't worry, I've been using my old potions book. Uhm, your old book I should say."

_Well that makes me sleep soundly._

"It does," Harry said defiantly. "You've been sleeping better than I have." At these words, Snape's eyes flashed to Harry's face. The boy didn't look too rested indeed. In fact, he looked dreadful.

_You don't sleep well now that the war is over?_

"It was pretty horrific! I don't have ... his voice in my head anymore, but the memories are quite lively."

_You don't take any sleeping potion?_

"No. If I do, I won't wake up when – well, if you need anything," Harry said embarrassed, avoiding the dark eyes.

_I am able to survive the night now. Take a Dreamless Sleep._

"Are you sure? Besides, what does it matter to you if I sleep well?" Harry grumbled.

_I am not as heartless as you think. _Snape cast a quick 'Tempus' and discovered that it was well into the evening. _You should take it now._

"Kreacher is making dinner. Do you think you can eat some soup too?"

_Soup is no dinner._

"Well, it's what I eat. Besides, you won't be able to eat anything more solid either," Harry said defensively. "And it's none of your business what I eat."

_Again, I am not as heartless as you think. Why can't you eat anything solid?_

"Who says I can't?"

_You._

Harry grumbled and cast a quick look at his former Professor. Snape's face was as pale and grumpy as ever, but his eyes seemed to miss the usual icy look. "We have been living in a drafty tent since last summer. We've been scraping food where we could find it, and had to cook it on a magical fire so there wouldn't be any smoke. My stomach can't handle full dinners anymore."

_That's why you look so emaciated._

"Look who's talking," Harry snorted, his eyes raking over the skinny frame under the sheets.

_I didn't exactly have a nice and quiet life as Hogwarts most hated Headmaster of history. And before that I was in hiding too, like you and your friends. _Snape saw a pained look cross the boy's face and he hesitated for a moment, but then decided to ask the question anyway. _Where are they? Don't they usually feed you up at the Weasley's?_

"One of Ron's brothers died in the final battle," Harry's voice was barely a whisper. "And Hermione's gone to search for her parents, she'd modified their memory and sent them to Australia before we went in hiding."

_I am sorry to hear that._

"I'm sure you are. You always liked them loads," Harry stalked from the room. Snape was left behind, staring at the door, lost in thoughts until the young man returned with a tray. "Think you can eat some? Wanna try?"

Snape nodded his head and managed to hoist himself up on his elbows. He didn't have the strength to sit up in the pillows though, and started to slide back until Harry hurried to his side and wrapped his arm around him. He summoned some pillows with his wand and stashed them behind the older man's back so that he stayed in an upright position. When he slowly withdrew his arm, careful not to hurt him, he suddenly noticed that Snape's eyes were not as black as he'd always thought. There were tiny golden specks in them. Harry felt the blood rush to his cheeks and he quickly busied himself with the bowls of soup. When he'd placed the tray with Snape's bowl on his lap, he hesitated.

_You don't have to feed me Potter. My wand-arm is quite fine, as you can see._

Harry gave a non-committal grunt and settled down in his armchair with his own bowl. From the corner of his eye he watched Snape eat, cautiously and very slowly. After only a few sips, his arm began to tremble and he spilled the food all down his front. Harry stoically kept on eating his soup until he was quite sure that Snape wouldn't eat any more.

"Kreacher?" he waited a moment until the house-elf appeared, then asked him to take the dishes back. Kreacher snapped his fingers, and all the spilled soup disappeared. The creature snapped his fingers once more and the bowls stacked themselves neatly on the tray and he carried them out of the room without a word. Snape sighed relieved that the boy didn't make any annoying comments on his wand-arm not being so fine after all. He tensed up when Harry wrapped his arm around him and removed the pillows from behind him.

"Sorry, don't mean to hurt you," Harry muttered, avoiding the dark eyes. Snape studied the hollow cheeks up close and unconsciously registered the slightly musky smell mixed with shampoo. He felt very self-conscious suddenly when Harry laid him down gently and placed his wand close to his hand. He left the room and Snape let out the breath he didn't even know he'd been holding. His hand slowly moved to his hair. It wasn't as greasy as it had always been when he'd been standing over cauldrons every day, but it wasn't all clean either. Harry had been using cleaning charms on him, but that wasn't by far as good as taking a shower.

His musing was interrupted when Harry came back with his potions. Snape obediently swallowed the first two, then pointed at the vial of Dreamless Sleep and then at Harry. "Okay, okay, I'll also take it. But I'll ask Kreacher to sleep here, okay? So that he can warn me in case ... well just in case."

Snape nodded exhausted and swallowed the last potion. The last thing he registered before he sank into nothingness, was Harry bending over him to check on the wound in his neck. Gentle, warm hands on his skin.

)-(

Many weeks later Harry and Snape could be found in the improvised potions lab. It had cost many awkward moments to get Snape out of bed, get him into more suitable clothes than just boxers and a t-shirt, and finally to get him down the stairs. The whole process had taken several weeks to get to this point, and today they'd succeeded for the first time. Harry had been making changes to the potions on Snape's suggestions ever since he'd been strong enough to write on the blackboard, but they still hadn't found anything that brought his voice back. So Snape insisted that he'd be in the lab to oversee the brewing process and judge the potential of the potions.

Snape was slumped down in a chair, more exhausted than he'd ever admit, his eyes on Harry and the potion constantly. He grunted to let the boy know that he'd written something on the blackboard.

_You have to chop them finely. How hard is it to follow instructions?_

"Yeah, well, you breathing down my neck isn't exactly helping my concentration," Harry grumbled and continued to chop, trying his hardest to make even pieces.

_I am not. I am merely overseeing the process._

"You're looking at my hands the whole time, it's getting on my nerves. If you could just sit over there, then I'll take the potion to you so you can judge," Harry pointed his knife to a chair at the other side of the room.

_Just get used to it._

"I can't work like this!"

_Oh get over it Potter! _Snape had absolutely no intention to admit that he didn't have the strength to go to the other chair.

"Get over it? Look who's talking! I know that you hate me just because you hated my dad, but can't you just get over that? I'm trying to help you here, trying to brew this bloody potion so that you'll get better, and all you do is criticize me! You're not being exactly helpful!" Harry burst out and stormed from the room. Snape extinguished the flames under the cauldron and squeezed his eyes shut.

An hour later Harry returned, still in a bad mood, but worry flashed over his face when he found Snape exactly as he had left him. "Sir? Are you okay?"

_I was taking a nap._

"Oh. Sorry," Harry shrugged awkwardly. "You want me to get you back upstairs?"

_I was thinking we should try a different potion._

"What did you have in mind?"

_A nourishment potion._

Harry looked at him surprised. "You don't think there's enough in the food you eat? You're getting stronger."

_Have you looked in the mirror recently?_

Harry's brow furrowed. What kind of question was that? He read it again, then turned at the other man. Snape was clearly waiting for an answer. "Well, yeah when I was at Hogwarts ..."

_There's no mirror in your bedroom? Bathroom?_

"No, and yes in the bathroom there is, but it's fogged up after the shower," Harry shrugged, then continued in a mutter, "and I prefer to keep it that way."

_You should chance a glance in the mirror._

"I know my hair's too long, but I don't know how to cut it," Harry fingered his dark hair that had almost reached his shoulders.

_Hairdresser? Or I could cut it?_

"No thanks. I'll go to a hairdresser. Some day." Harry secretly thought that he'd rather die than have Professor Snape cut his hair. He'd probably curse off all his hair or something nasty like that.

_But that's not what I meant Potter. You look dreadful, even if you cut your hair._

"Thanks a lot."

_You don't eat well, and do you sleep at all? _Harry didn't answer, but that was enough answer for Snape. _Why don't you take a sleeping potion now and then?_

"You don't either!"

_I don't need it anymore. Apparently, you do. This is not a contest. _Snape glared at the boy and smirked when he averted his eyes. _Still having nightmares? Why don't you talk about it? _

Harry looked up at him as if to dare him to say that he'd have to talk to Snape. _Yes, to me. I'm here all day. After all, you have only given me a short run-down on the events in the Final Battle._

"I thought you wanted me to make a new potion?" Harry grumbled.

_Yes, we will. And after we finish, you will take Dreamless Sleep._

"And if I don't want to? Are you gonna force it down my throat?" Harry looked at him defiantly.

_I can be resourceful. Do not tempt me. _They stared eachother in the eyes for almost a whole minute, until Harry averted his eyes. _Give me your silver knife and I will cut up the ginger._

"You're going to – help?"

_Shut up and focus Potter._

Harry got to work and soon found out that it wasn't that bad to work next to his former teacher, as long as said teacher kept busy and didn't stare at his hands. The even, rhythmic sound of Snape's chopping even worked calming on his prickly mood.

* Mors et vita – _Death and life_


	2. Chapter 2 Recuperatio

II. Recuperatio *

"How are you doing Potter ... Harry?" McGonagall asked in a friendly voice when she firecalled to Grimmauld Place. Well, friendly to her standards.

"I'm fine Professor. And Snape's doing much better. Did you hear he comes downstairs to my potions lab every day?"

"He does? So I don't need to continue my search for a Healer? I must say, it's hard to contact them at all, with all the victims of the battle and all those who got released from the Imperius curse when You-Know-Who died. And they expect me to re-build Hogwarts singlehandedly," McGonagall suddenly looked much older.

"Uhm ... well Snape's regaining strength, but his voice isn't getting better. He thinks we should develop a potion for it."

"There's no improvement at all? Well, if I can't find a Healer, maybe I can find someone who's good with potions," McGonagall's brow furrowed.

"There's no need for that Professor. No offense or anything, but I'd rather not have anyone else here commenting on my potions skills."

"But Potter, then you won't have to make the potions at all. It will take Severus off your hands."

"Yeah, well ..." Harry's voice trailed off and he looked away uncomfortably.

"Unless you're fine with the way things are now? How are you doing Harry? Really?"

"I'm fine," he sighed. The truth was, that he didn't feel like he had anything better to do than make potions. And although Snape wasn't always pleasant company, at least he was company. And he didn't worship or smother him. The time he had told him he looked dreadful, Harry had looked in the mirror for the first time that evening. Snape had been absolutely right. He would never ever admit that of course.

"Have you been in touch with miss Granger and mister Weasley? You haven't been out at all, have you?"

"Uhm, yeah I've spoken to both of them a few times." He purposely avoided her last question.

"To be honest, you don't look too healthy."

Harry snorted. "Are you also starting? That's what Snape said too."

"And did you do anything about it? You have the house-elf to cook for you, right?"

"We're making nourishing potions," Harry grumbled.

"And are you taking them?"

"Yes of course I am! Look, I've got to go."

"Harry!" McGonagall quickly said. "I just worry about you. To be exact, the whole wizarding world does. You disappeared without a trace."

"You can tell them I'm fine, and I don't wish to be interviewed and put on a pedestal and all that nonsense. I'm sure they'll believe you, you should have enough influence as Hogwarts' Headmistress. I wish everybody would just leave me alone," Harry sighed.

"Do you sleep well?"

"I've got to go now, it's time for Snape's potion," he quickly got up. "Goodbye Professor."

"Take care Harry. And let me know if there's anything you need." The green flames flickered, and the woman disappeared. Harry slumped down on the couch and sighed. Why was everybody nagging him about his health? What did they expect of him? To dance around and make a victory tour and let the world see what a glorious hero he was? Fat chance!

"Kreacher is sorry for disturbing, Sir. But in two weeks is Master Harry's birthday and Kreacher wants Master Harry to have a good day. Master Harry is moping around and that makes Kreacher sad, Sir." The house-elf had appeared right in front of Snape's nose the minute Harry was busy with McGonagall's firecall.

_Did you have any special ideas? Did you get him a gift? _Snape wrote on the always-present blackboard.

"Kreacher will make a birthday cake, Sir. And Kreacher always does all the shopping, and then Kreacher passes a house where young wizards like Master Harry have parties. So Kreacher gets him access to a party, Sir?"

Snape thought for a minute. It seemed like the house-elf was asking if it was a good idea to get Potter a ticket to a party. The boy needed to get out of the house indeed, but it wasn't likely that he would go to a party willingly. "Can't Sir make Master Harry more – cheerful?"

_Yes, I can. I would have to slip him a potion._

"If Sir will make the potion, Kreacher can put it in Master's drink. Master Harry drinks your other potions too, so Kreacher trusts you."

_Maybe we should give him a sleeping potion the night before, and then on the morning of his birthday an additional potion for his mood. And probably another one in the beginning of the evening before he goes to the party._

"Will Sir need new ingredients? If Sir gives Kreacher a list, Kreacher will go to the apothecary." Snape quickly scribbled down his list, until they heard Harry's feet dragging him up the stairs. Kreacher quickly disappeared and Snape pretended to wake up from his afternoon-nap. Now all he had to do, was come up with a plan to get Potter out of his hair for a few hours so that he had time to brew the potion.

)-(

Harry bolted upright in bed when he heard a noise downstairs. He listened for a moment, then jumped out of bed and rushed towards the source of the disturbance. He stopped short when he found Snape in the potions lab, his face thunderous.

"What are you doing here?"

_What does it look like?_

"Looks like you're breaking the place down," Harry shrugged and waved his wand to repair the upturned chair. Obviously Snape had dropped something, or had stumbled over his own feet. He still wasn't recovered as well as he would have liked.

_I had an idea for the potion, you twat._

"Oh nice! Calling me names? Can't you think of something better?" Harry snorted, and put his hands on his hips, a challenging look on his face.

Snape turned around to look at him and almost knocked another bottle off the table. Potter was only wearing his pajama bottoms, and they were riding very low on his narrow hips. He still looked very skinny, but decently muscled all the same. Snape's eyes narrowed and he turned back to his cauldron slowly, concentrating on breathing normally.

_Do you always run around the house half-naked?_

Harry felt the blood rush to his cheeks as he thought of a smart answer. "This is my house, I can do whatever I like. I can even walk around naked if I want," he bit out and turned on his heels to go back to his bedroom to get dressed.

After breakfast he still felt irritated that Snape had woken him up like that. And why had he gone down the stairs all by himself? He could have hurt himself if he fell down! The stupid bastard!

_Call your house-elf to get me some breakfast._ Snape wrote it as soon as Harry entered the lab.

"Do it yourself. I'm not your maid," Harry bit and bent over the cauldron to see what he was making. Snape grabbed the back of his robes and dragged him backwards.

_Very funny, I will __call_ _the elf myself. And do you still make these foolish beginners' mistakes? Never smell a potion if you don't even know what it is._

"It's your healing potion, isn't it?" Harry grumbled. "Kreacher? Get Snape some breakfast, will you?"

_You don't know that._

"I do. You said you had an idea for the potion, so it's your healing potion. I don't see any reason why I wouldn't be allowed to look into the cauldron."

_That was hours ago. I could have well started another one._

"You're exaggerating, as always," Harry muttered the last words, but Snape probably heard it anyway. "Besides, you're looming over it too."

_I do not loom._

"You do. You always loomed over me in class also. Why do you think I did so poorly in your classes?"

_Do I make you nervous?_ An evil glint could be seen in Snape's dark eyes.

"Yes you do!" Harry spat.

_Why? Why am I the only one who makes you nervous? You didn't seem to have that problem in your other classes? _Harry ground his teeth, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. _Or was it merely that the other teachers let you cheat off miss Granger, and I didn't tolerate that kind of behavior?_

"You know very well that that isn't true!" Harry called out angrily. "I'm doing perfectly fine on the potions as long as you're busy too, or not in the room at all." Snape sniggered, pleased that he seemed to have such an influence on the younger man. Harry mustered all his patience and started working alongside the other man, but all morning Snape kept on making nasty comments on him and his potion skills. Harry was silently counting down the minutes until Snape would clean up and get upstairs for his afternoon-nap. He followed him upstairs to make sure he made it safely to his room and got into bed. He knew that his former teacher was usually much more tired than he let on.

_You don't have to walk me to my room, I am no child. _

"If you stop stumbling and falling over, I will let you get up and down the stairs by yourself."

_I handled myself well this morning on my own. Or do you enjoy watching me get undressed?_

Harry felt himself blush to the top of his head when he realized he'd been watching the other man strip down to his boxers and shirt indeed. He'd never thought anything about it, he'd been taking care of him for such a long time when he couldn't get out of bed at all. That nasty old man!

"You know what? You can handle yourself the rest of the day! Don't worry, I won't come checking on you! Oh, and good luck with calling Kreacher!" Harry stalked off, his blood boiling. He would teach that horrible troll a lesson!

)-(

Harry gave another big yawn when he entered the kitchen in his pajamas. He'd slept exceptionally well. All night, no nightmares, no disturbance of his sleep at all. He stretched himself and lazily scratched his belly, until he suddenly noticed Snape at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper. He hadn't expected him at breakfast this late!

_Good morning Potter._

Huh. No snide comments about sleeping late? "Good morning."

"Kreacher made breakfast just as Master Harry likes it," the old creature pointed at the lavishly set table and handed him a strong cup of coffee. Harry inhaled deeply and took a long drink. Snape's eyes narrowed, but then he folded the newspaper away.

_Happy birthday._

Birthday? Today? "Uhm, thanks. I'd completely forgotten about it. Back in the days when my family forgot about my birthday, I was always counting the days. But now that there's other people who remember it for me, I forget it myself," Harry sniggered.

_Old age makes you forget things._

Harry laughed when he looked at Snape. Had he just made a joke? It surely looked like it! "Well, then I guess it's no use asking you when your birthday is, isn't it?"

_Exactly. _

"Kreacher has a gift for you, Master Harry."

"Thanks a lot Kreacher," Harry accepted the envelope and grinned at him. "Oh wow! A ticket for a party this evening? Well, I guess I have to get out of the house at some point, don't I?"

Snape smiled to himself and got up from the table. It hadn't been a bad idea of that old house-elf after all.

_I am going to the lab._

"I'll join you as soon as I'm finished and dressed," Harry nodded, happily chewing his toast.

_I will let you help me this morning, but in the afternoon you are going to the hairdresser, and I presume you don't have any clothes for the party._

"I guess you're right. Are you sure you don't need my help?"

_I insist._

Harry rolled his eyes at the stern expression on the other man's face, then laughed out loud. "The grumpy act is getting old."

_Look who's talking about old. _Snape sniggered to himself when he'd left the room. So far, the plan was working.

Snape almost did a double take when Harry returned at the end of the afternoon. Potter looked ... different. Good.

His hair was cut short at the back, but his fringe was quite long, so that he had to brush it to the side a little.

_Muggle hairdresser?_

Harry chuckled. "Yeah. I'm supposed to look all cool and fashionable now. I kinda like it." He ruffled his hair a bit, and it still looked like it was supposed to be. And covering his scar effectively, whatever he did. Snape's eyes travelled lower, to the new outfit. Smart black pants, and a green shirt with the top buttons undone. The green matched his eyes perfectly. Huh.

_You wouldn't have looked out of place in Slytherin._

"Oh wow. Was that a compliment? I know you have quite a high esteem of the Slytherins," Harry laughed happily. "Okay for the party?" he turned in a circle once.

_You will get recognized._

"Oh crap. I guess you're right."

_I suggest a small glamour. Just a few changes to your face._

"Can you do that? Of course you can, otherwise you wouldn't have said it. Will you do it? Please?" Harry fluttered his eyelashes. He knew he was pushing his luck by talking to Snape this way, but he was so damn happy today! And Snape didn't seem to be in a bad mood, and it _was_ his birthday after all.

_Stand still._ Snape concentrated for a few seconds, then conjured a mirror. The shape of Harry's face had changed a little, along with his nose and lips. His eyes and hair were the same, so he could still recognize himself in the face staring back at him. Snape gestured him to hand him his glasses, and he transfigured it to a trendy rectangular style.

"Wow. Nobody will recognize me now! Come on, let's have dinner first before I leave!"

Snape made him stand still again and removed the glamour before they went down to the kitchen. He had no intentions of sharing his meal with a stranger.

Kreacher had made an effort of making an extra-special four course meal, and the table was set with the most expensive silverware and china.

_Some owls arrived for you when you were away. _Snape pointed at the stack of presents at the end of the table next to Harry's chair. Snape sat down opposite him and observed how the young man enthusiastically dug into the pile. He unwrapped some books, Quidditch equipment and sweets from his friends, then let out a surprised laugh.

"I even got a present from McGonagall!"

_What is it?_

Harry burst out laughing. "A potions book!"

Snape held out his hand and skipped through the pages, pausing now and then. _A good choice. You can learn a lot from this._

"I bet I learn more from you."

_What is wrong with you today? I thought you insisted that I couldn't teach you anything? It certainly didn't look like I taught you anything in those five years at Hogwarts._

"I guess I'm just enjoying my birthday. And I got a sneaking suspicion that you have something to do with it," Harry sniggered and dug in to his meal.

_You didn't answer my question._

"Well, working alongside you when you develop a new potion, work out your ideas, it finally makes me understand what it takes to make a potion. I get the principles now."

_Who would have guessed. _Snape smirked.

"Better late than never, right? Hey, I was thinking ... I know we've used toad spawn lots of times, but have you ever used squid spawn?"

_It's not commonly used, but it is not hard to come by. But yes, I've used it in potions. When used correctly, it helps cell-regenerati _

Snape's wand paused mid-air, not finishing the word, his eyes staring off in the distance. _You can work out your idea tomorrow. Show that you really do understand the principles of developing and brewing a potion._

Harry nodded smugly. "You think it's a good idea? It might be a helpful in a potion to fix your voice?"

_If you don't stop rambling now, I might make a potion to make you stop. Or I could always use a 'silencio'. As you've seen, I'm quite good at non-verbal spells._

Harry smirked when he saw Snape's glare. "I'm not rambling. I'm just making conversation. It's normal not to have your meal in an icy silence."

_Kreacher didn't prepare this exquisite meal for you to be babbling all the time and letting the food get cold._

"If you would have been really annoyed with me, you would have cast the 'silencio' already. So shut up you."

_I haven't uttered a word._

"Ha ha."

)-(

Snape grabbed Harry by the collar of his shirt and yanked him backwards. Harry staggered, then looked at him indignantly.

_What do you think you are doing?_

"I can ask you the same!" Harry glared.

_I think I can leave you alone for one minute, because you made a good start at the potion, and then you try to ruin it?_

"Ruin it? I was only going to add chopped daisies!"

_And what do you think that would have done?_

"It would have lessened the squid spawn's side-effect. The itch."

_And do you think the daisies would have reacted well to the ginger root? You think it wouldn't have clogged up?_

"I didn't add the ginger root. It didn't seem to have an added value. The controlling of body temperature during cell-regeneration is already taken care of by the willow bark, isn't it?"

Snape looked at him astonished. Well, he'd be damned! Potter _did_ seem to understand the principles after all! They'd been working on this new squid spawn-based potion for two weeks now, and he felt like they were finally going somewhere.

_Very well. Continue._

Harry snorted and straightened his shirt, then carefully added the chopped daisies. "Only counter-clockwise stirring with daisies, right?" Snape nodded curtly, surprised that Potter had even done in-depth research about daisies before adding them. They both bent over the cauldron, to carefully monitor the color and consistency of the potion. After fifteen stirs, Snape grabbed Harry's hand to raise the glass rod out of the cauldron. They both held their breath as the potion turned from greenish to pink.

"How did you know that I had to stop stirring?" Harry asked astonished.

_Years of experience. I saw a sliver of pink appear after the fourteenth stir._

"Do you think it's ready? Worth a try?"

_What do you think?_

"I don't know. You're the potions master here."

_I think it is safe to try. I don't know if it will be effective._

"Safe? Don't you think I should try it first?"

_I will not let you be my guinea-pig, Potter._

"But if I get poisoned, you know what to do. If you get poisoned ..." Harry let his voice trail off. "I don't know anything else than the bezoar you mentioned in our first year."

_Another thing you learned from me? You don't cease to amaze me._

"Haha, very funny. Keep the bezoar ready, though," Harry ladled some into a goblet to let it cool down.

_I'm warning you, Potter. You are not going to try it._

"Try and stop me," Harry took the goblet and quickly went to the other side of the room. Snape was still unsteady on his feet, he sat down most of the time. "Your wound hasn't been bleeding for several days now, isn't it?"

_Six days._

"Don't you think you should take the bandage off?" Harry said thoughtful. It was better to let the skin breathe, right?

_I don't think there's any harm in taking it off._

Harry sniggered. How hard was it to give a straight answer? A yes or a no? He watched captivated when Snape removed the bandage. The wound still looked gruesome, even now that it had closed. "How does it feel?"

Snape remained silent for a minute, carefully feeling the skin around the wound with his long, pale fingers. _It feels cold._

Harry dashed to him instantly to judge for himself. "I guess it just feels cold because you're used to being wrapped in the bandage," he shrugged eventually. His fingers were still on Snape's neck, and he noticed goose bumps. When he felt the pulse quicken, he suddenly became aware that he was touching _Snape's neck_. Snape, the man that he'd always hated so much. The man who had made his best effort to make his life at Hogwarts a living hell.

He quickly stepped backwards, trying to think of something to say in this awkward situation. When his eyes fell on the goblet with the newly brewed potion, he quickly picked it up. "Cheers."

They both held their breath when Harry swallowed the potion. They stared at eachother for minutes on end, until Harry finally broke the tense silence. "Well, at least it doesn't seem to be poisonous instantly. And it didn't even taste that bad."

_But I will have to try it to see if it works._

"Just wait one day. I cut myself yesterday, remember? And since you refused to heal it, we'll see if it heals faster now," Harry held up his finger and took off the Band-Aid.

_Don't get your hopes up. This is the first time we brewed the potion successfully._

"Yeah, yeah. Let's call it a day. Wanna join me in the living room for a firewhiskey? We should celebrate that I didn't poison myself."

Snape snorted, but after Harry had cleaned up the lab, he followed him to the living room either way.

"I can't believe you've never been here before. You've been here for more than three months now," Harry slouched down on the couch after making sure Snape was comfortable in an armchair with an ottoman and they both raised their glasses in a silent toast.

_We never quit working until dinnertime._

"Well, don't you think we deserve a break?"

_I gave you a break on your birthday._

"Yeah, you did," Harry nodded and his thoughts drifted back to that one brilliant day. He'd felt so happy all day long! "You did something, didn't you? Slipped me a potion or something?"

_Yes._

Harry's brow furrowed and he took a long drink. He gave a straight answer? He admitted to secretly slipping him a potion? "What was it?"

_Something for your mood. Kreacher was worried about you._

"Yeah I got that, that it was to improve my mood," he rolled his eyes. "But what exactly was it?"

_I am not going to tell you. It was a potion that is related to Felix Felicis, and it is highly addictive._

"So you only brewed the bit that you gave me that day?" Snape nodded, so Harry continued. "Did you also take some?"

_Did I seem that cheerful?_

"Uhm, no. But much happier than on other days though. You even gave me the glamour so that I could go to the party without being mobbed!"

_Is that so strange? Did it occur to you that that was my birthday present?_

"Yeah, I figured that much. But I still don't get it why you wanted me to – have fun."

_The whole world out there is celebrating, and you spend your time here. Locked up._

"You wanted me out of here?"

_I only have to make you angry for that._

"What do you –" Harry's voice trailed off as he remembered when Snape had made him so angry that he'd left him all by himself for the rest of the day. When he looked up, he saw a triumphant look on his face. "You did that on purpose!"

_When else was I supposed to brew the potion for your birthday? With you looming over the cauldrons all the time?_

"I don't loom! You're the one who looms!" Harry called out indignantly, then he giggled. His answer was too childish, and when he saw the other man's amused look, he knew that he'd said that on purpose. The usual cold, dark eyes seemed lighter somehow, and his usually pursed lips were curling up slightly. And not in a smirk this time, but in a suppressed smile. A flick of Snape's wrist caught Harry's eye and his eyes flashed to the blackboard.

_Will you stop staring at me? I will cover up the wound if it is too gruesome to stop looking at it. _Snape scowled. 'Not that that will matter much, I know I'm ugly anyway' he secretly thought to himself.

"No, no, that's not it. I was just surprised that you _do_ know how to smile," Harry quickly recovered and shook his head. "And that you made a joke!"

_I am merely human._

Harry chuckled. "I'm starting to find that out now. How come I've never seen you smile at Hogwarts? Not even once, never in those six years?"

_There wasn't much to laugh about, was there?_

"Well, I had a pretty rough time too, remember? But I always found time to have some fun with my friends ..." Harry's voice trailed off and his thoughts drifted off. Snape observed him, guessing that he was thinking about his friends, but then Harry surprised him. "How come you didn't have friends at Hogwarts?"

_The other teachers? _An incredulous look appeared on Snape's face and Harry laughed, thinking of teachers like Trelawny, McGonagall and Flitwick.

"Madam Hooch was kind of okay though. And ... uhm, Sprout? What about Hogsmeade then?"

_Life as a double-spy was hard enough as it was. Making friends would only endanger the case._

"But now you're not a spy anymore, you'll never have to be again. It is time to make some friends then." Harry wished he could take back those last words. Damn, that firewhiskey always made him too chatty!

_And yet here I am, stuck with you._

"Yep," Harry nodded cheerfully and downed the last of his drink. "Wanna play chess or something?"

)-(

"Good morning," Harry entered the lab where Snape had several cauldrons bubbling already. Snape merely grunted, without looking up. "What can I do?"

Snape kept on ignoring him, so Harry approached the main desk and started reading through the notes to find out what he was working on. They'd been working on the squid spawn-daisies potion for a few weeks now, and they meticulously wrote down every change they made and the effect it had. Snape yanked the scroll from under Harry's nose and scribbled some new notes down in jerky strokes. Harry observed the other man for a few seconds, then decided he was in a bad mood. A very bad mood.

"I'll start working on a variation of my own. Let me know if you need my help or something," he said and went to fetch an empty cauldron. When all the reaction he got from Snape was a tiny shrug of his shoulders, Harry rolled his eyes. This was going to be a very long day.

"What do you think of this?" Harry asked several hours later. Snape grunted and gestured him to wait until he was finished. They hadn't said a word all morning, and the silence was getting on Harry's nerves. When Snape finally inspected his potion and read through his notes, Harry watched him through narrowed eyes.

"I think it has potential, doesn't it?"

_Possibly._

Snape turned back to his own work and ignored Harry again, but he didn't agree with that. "Did I do anything wrong? Because if I did, I'd like to know. I've been working my ass off for hours, for a potion that might help _you_. So the least you can do, is give me some feedback."

_It's a whole new recipe, how could I possibly give you feedback on that?_

"Why are you in such a bad mood? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Harry burst out angrily.

_I have every right to be in a bad mood. My throat has been ripped apart months ago, leaving a gruesome wound that won't heal, and my voice hasn't improved at all._

"Yeah, well that gives you the right to be angry, but not at me! I'm helping you, for crying out loud!" Harry glared at him. "If this is some plot to get me out of the lab, it's not funny."

_It is not._

"You can just tell me to sod off if you want me out of here. You know what, I'm gone anyway!" Harry stomped off, slamming the door shut behind him. He didn't see Snape sagging down in a chair, his face buried in his hands in desperation.

An hour later, Harry went back to the lab. He couldn't take it anymore, he felt guilty about yelling at Snape while the man had every right to be in a foul mood for once. Usually it was Harry who was in a bad mood. "Sir?" he cautiously opened the door. He found Snape bent over a cauldron, his hair flopping forward so his face was hidden. "Sir?" he tried again.

_Shut your mouth, Potter._

"I know you hated my dad, so I think it would help if you called me Harry. Maybe then I won't remind you of him. Sir?" The other man straightened up and slowly turned to face him. "I'm really sorry. "

_Excuse me?_

There was surprise written all over Snape's face. "For yelling at you. I know that –" He bit his tongue when Snape motioned him to shut up.

_I am the one who owes you an apology. I know that you are only here to help. _He paused for a moment, then added, _Harry._

Harry grinned. "Apology accepted. If you're finished, maybe you should take a break? I'll be in the living room." He picked up the potions book he got for his birthday and left the room. In a much better mood.

Harry jumped up scared. "Merlin! Don't sneak up on me like that, will you?" he said self-consciously when he sat back down on the couch, his heart racing and his hands trembling slightly.

_Next time I will slam the door. Like you do._

"Yeah, you do that," Harry rolled his eyes. "You skipped lunch, didn't you?" When Snape nodded, Harry called Kreacher to make him something to eat.

_You would make a good house-wife._

"Oh yeah, I'm really good at asking Kreacher to do things for me," Harry laughed, relieved that Snape seemed to be in a better mood. "Please sit down. Unless you want to go to your room to rest?"

Snape sat down next to Harry on the couch and handed him a scroll of parchment. When he opened it, Harry recognized his own notes from this morning. With added feedback. He read it thoroughly, pausing often to take in the implications of the suggestions. Snape was already done with his lunch when Harry eventually looked up.

"This, this -" he stammered, "this might be it! With your suggestions, and the discovery you did this morning ... I can feel it!"

_Don't get too excited. You thought that twice before._

"Three time's a charm! I know it!"

_Then you can get started on it, if you want._

"No way! I don't want to screw it up! You've got to make it!" Harry shook his head vigorously.

_You're underestimating yourself._

Harry stared at him incredulously. Did he just tell him he's good at making potions? "I think the fumes have finally gotten to your brain. Seriously, I can't make this on my own. You have to be there at least."

_I have to rest first._ Snape swallowed thickly, he hated to admit it. _And it will take hours to make this. We should try it tomorrow._

Harry remained silent for a bit. Snape wanted to postpone it to tomorrow?

_Harry? We've been waiting for a break-through for months, we can wait one more day to make it. _

"Okay, okay." Harry stared off in the distance, lost in thoughts, until his eyes slowly focused on the other man. Snape turned self-consciously when he became aware of the stare. "I think the wound _is_ healing. Slowly, but it is," Harry said thoughtful, bending over to him to examine his neck more closely. Harry let his hand trail over the raw skin gently, but Snape pushed his hand away. "Does it hurt?"

_No. But that doesn't mean I will let you touch it. _He'd paused for a split second before writing the last word.

"I'm sorry sir."

_Severus._

"Oh. Wow. You're giving me permission to call you by your first name?" Harry grinned. "Wow."

_If you will stop breathing down my neck._

Harry chuckled and sat back down on his previous spot. He'd been hovering over Sna – Severus indeed. When Kreacher brought them tea, they both settled down with their own reading material. A comfortable silence settled over them until Harry's eyes strayed back to the other man.

_What now?_ Severus pulled an annoyed face, but his eyes were not unfriendly.

"We discussed friends before, and I get why you couldn't have friends when you worked at Hogwarts. But why didn't you settle down, before you went to teach at Hogwarts? Or instead of going to Hogwarts? Find a wife and get a job in a potions lab?"

Snape considered the young man for a moment. He was asking insolent questions, but there was only honest curiosity on his face.

_I wasn't interested in that._

"What? Do you mean that it really was your intention to become a teacher? You didn't seem to particularly enjoy it."

Snape smirked, then smiled a small smile. _No, that was just to keep a close eye on Dumbledore. But I wasn't interested in –_ He hesitated for a moment, then continued, _in settling down with a woman._

"If people wouldn't have thought you to be dead now, if you wouldn't have been sure that there was nobody I could tell this to, would you have answered my questions?"

_Probably not._

Harry chuckled, but then a frown formed on his face. Would he dare to ask what he – well, why not. Severus had answered all his questions so far. "Not interested in settling down with a woman? Does that mean ... that you're gay?"

_That I gave you permission to call me by my first name, does not mean that you have permission to ask impertinent questions._

Harry's eyes anxiously shot from the blackboard back to Severus. Was he angry now? Had he crossed the line? But Severus had gone back to reading, his long hair shielding his face from Harry's prying eyes.

* Recuperatio - _Recovery_


	3. Chapter 3 Progressus

III. Progressus *

When Severus entered the kitchen early the next morning, he found Harry at the kitchen table.

_Good morning._

"Morning. I didn't expect you here this early," Harry yawned and stood up, stretching himself languidly. "Kreacher has gone out, for shopping I guess. Eggs?"

Severus forced himself not to stare at the younger man, who was only wearing his pajama bottoms which were riding extremely low on his narrow hips. Last time he'd walked in on Harry half-naked, the main thing he'd noticed that Harry was very skinny. But now that his eating habits had improved, he wasn't skinny anymore. In fact, he looked really good.

When Harry turned on the stove and started frying the eggs and bacon, Severus' eyes swerved back to him. Yes, he looked really good. Especially his ass. He blushed when he realized he was checking Harry out. He was twenty years younger, dammit! And most definitely not interested in an old, ugly man like him! _If_ he was even interested in men at all, which was highly debatable considering his past with girls ...

An hour later they started on the potion.

Harry stopped his obsessive chopping when Severus put his hand over his. He looked up and Severus gestured him to put the final ingredient into the potion.

"No way! You're gonna put it in," Harry said, anxious and excited at the same time.

_You will put it in, and I will stir._

"Okay, okay," Harry took a deep breath to control the trembling of his hands, then tipped the chopping board and scraped every last bit into the cauldron. He watched apprehensively as the other man stirred and counted. After the required amount of clockwise and counter-clockwise strokes, Severus lifted the rod out of the cauldron. He stuck out his arm and placed his hand on Harry's chest so they both stepped back. Both men had their eyes fixed on the bubbling liquid in the cauldron, bubbles and sparks were jumping higher and higher in the air. But when Harry's heart started pounding in his chest, Severus couldn't help turning his head and he watched the younger man's flushed cheeks, his messed up hair and his eyes that were reflecting the sparkles of the potion. His hand involuntarily tightened in Harry's shirt as they both stared, mesmerized.

"I think it's done," Harry said in a breathless voice. Severus averted his eyes and relaxed slightly, letting go of the younger man. He stepped closer to the finished potion to assess the color, odor and consistency intently. "And?" Harry couldn't take the silence anymore.

_Looks promising._

"It does?" Harry practically bounced. "Let me try it."

_I told you before, I will not let you be the guinea pig anymore._

"Try and stop me," Harry said boldly and quickly slid his silver knife over his lower arm.

Severus' eyes widened in shock and he grunted. _What the hell do you think you are doing?_

"I really think this is it. I have to see if it makes me heal faster, right?" Harry said unconcerned and mopped up the blood. "Come on, pour me a dose."

_You are unbelievable._

Harry didn't respond, but just held out his hand with a goblet. Severus sighed deeply, then poured him a dose as requested. When he swallowed it, he kept his eyes locked on the cut in his arm, as if he expected it to miraculously heal. Severus' eyes were on Harry's face though, his hands gripping the edge of the table tightly.

"Well ... again no immediate poisoning," Harry laughed with a shaky voice after minutes of charged silence. "No immediate healing either."

_You cut yourself pretty deep. This usually takes more than a week to heal, you can't expect an immediate effect. We'll have to monitor it over the coming hours._

"Does that mean we're done for today, and that you'll join me in the living room?" Harry's eyes lit up.

_I don't see why that is a reason to look happy._

Harry chuckled. "You might be old and grumpy, but you _are_ company."

_Thank you._ Severus snorted, but deep inside, the comment hurt. Harry did see him as old and grumpy.

"No, seriously. Now that I've seen that you can smile, it's amusing to see how you try to come off with the grumpy act. Especially when I beat you in chess."

_You didn't beat me. You cheated._

"I didn't cheat!" Harry said indignantly. "I only distracted you."

_The way you did it, qualifies as cheating._

Harry grinned, not at all ashamed when he thought back of that particular game of chess. He'd known that Severus was winning, so he had tried to distract him in various ways. The older man was hard to fool though, so Harry decided to play – well, a bit mean. He'd asked Severus what it was like to kiss a man. Severus hadn't answered, but he had been thoroughly distracted for the rest of the game. Harry had grinned and winked at him all the time, ensuring an easy victory. Severus had refused to play chess with him again until Harry promised he'd stop cheating, but Harry just kept on denying flat out that he'd cheated.

"I'm starving. Let's get something to eat first," Harry patted his stomach when he cleared away the last utensils. Severus nodded and followed him to the kitchen, where Kreacher immediately prepared a delicious meal for them. They made some pleasant small-talk during the meal.

"Wow, I'm stuffed."

_You do know how to exaggerate._

"Seriously, I ate too much!" Harry lifted up his shirt and expanded his belly. Severus swallowed thickly. He remembered staring at Harry's ass early this morning, but his front was also ... appealing. He quickly shook his head to get rid of the inappropriate thoughts and stood up.

"Are you in for a game of chess, Severus?" Harry wiggled his eyebrows when he entered the living room after him.

_No._

"Why not?" Harry pouted, then gave him a cheeky grin. "Afraid of more questions? We don't have to be playing chess for that."

_If you ask me one more insolent question, you will be keeping yourself company the rest of the day._

"But you have to keep track of the progress," Harry held out his arm with the fresh cut.

_Let me see. _Severus held out his hand, and took the offered wrist. He slowly pushed up Harry's sleeve, uncovering the pink-tinged skin.

_How do you feel?_

"Fine. Not any different than usual," Harry shrugged.

_Not running a temperature?_

"I don't think so. But you'd better judge that." Harry stilled surprised when Severus put his free hand on his forehead, after pushing his fringe to the side. He'd expected Severus to cast a temperature-charm, not to feel his forehead!

_You seem fine._

"I feel fine," Harry said, but at the last word his voice trembled. Severus had shifted his hand, the one that was holding Harry's wrist, and the skin-to-skin contact made him shiver. Severus watched him closely when he felt the younger man's pulse speed up, but then he focused on the cut.

_It seems to heal faster than a usual cut, but it's too soon to draw conclusions._

"Yeah, it seems to be working," Harry said in a hoarse voice.

Severus shifted his thumb slightly, to feel his pulse better. _Am I making you nervous?_

Harry watched him through narrowed eyes, he watched the way Severus' fingers were placed strategically to count his pulse, then he watched the dark, golden-specked eyes. There was no malice in them. "Apparently."

Severus covered up Harry's arm and let go of him. Without a snarky comment, he sat down on the couch and took the newspaper. Harry shook his head confused, then took his place on the other side of the couch and opened his favorite Quidditch book.

)-(

Several weeks later, Severus could still be found in the lab every day. The potion was proving to be effective to his poisonous snake-bite too, but the healing was still a very slow process. And as there was only a minimal improvement in his voice after one week of daily doses of their 'Parselwashout' potion, as Harry had named it, Severus had resumed his efforts in the potions lab. He was researching the potentials for regeneration of vocal cords now.

Harry was convinced that their Parselwashout potion was working also on his voice and he told Severus that he was just being impatient. So Harry didn't help him _every_ day in the lab anymore, but on the few days that he skipped, he at least flitted inside a few times to see if Severus needed his help after all. But today, Harry had gone out to the Burrow. Severus kept himself busy with a number of bubbling cauldrons, and when he had nothing to do but wait, he practiced his voice frantically. Everything to break the silence that was getting on his nerves.

Well after midnight he finally fell asleep when he heard Harry come home.

"Good morning," Harry entered the lab the next day.

_Afternoon._

"Good afternoon then," Harry grinned after checking the time. "It got quite late yesterday."

_How was it at the Weasley's?_

"Are you asking how they are? I thought you hated them!" Severus raised one eyebrow enquiringly, so Harry continued. "Or at least showed a great dislike."

_I was merely asking how your day was._

"Oh," Harry grinned, and flopped down on a chair. "It was good to see them again, and we had fun. We played Quidditch, and we got a firecall from Hermione. She had wanted to come, but she wants to spend as much time as possible with her parents, now that he's finally found them. They've been a bit disoriented ever since the memory modification has been made undone." Harry stared off in the distance, a frown on his face.

"Harry ... it will ... be okay" Severus croaked to get his attention, then wrote the rest of his sentence on the blackboard. _It is not uncommon to be disoriented, it will get better in time. In a few weeks they will be fine. You and Weasley can go and visit her._

"Now don't you start too!" Harry burst out suddenly.

_Start what?_

"They have been nagging me that I should get out of the house more often. That I shouldn't keep hiding and sulking."

_Sulking!_

"They said that I seem depressed," Harry snorted. "Like they cared a few months ago."

_Just what I wanted to say. You are doing much better now. I wouldn't classify you as being depressed right now. At all. You – _he stopped writing when he saw a scowl cross the younger man's face. _You picked a fight with them, didn't you?_

"They asked for it," Harry grunted. "Ron and Hermione know that you're here. And they blamed you for making me depressed. They told me that I should get you transferred to St. Mungo's, or simply kick you out of the house, and then I could start living again."

They both remained silent for a while, both trembling with suppressed emotions. Severus busied himself with the various potions that he was brewing. Harry was fuming, and Severus couldn't help feeling touched that the younger man seemed to take offence in his friends' comments. Did Harry really care about him then?

_I really appreciate all that you did and still do for me, and I don't want you out of here. But if you want, you can go out and visit your friends more often. I understand if you need to get out of the house now and then. I also went out yesterday._

"You did WHAT!" Harry rounded on him, jumping up from his chair.

_I went out for some fresh air._

"What the hell? And what if something had gone wrong? What do you think I would have done if I came back to an empty house?" Harry said through clenched teeth.

_I left a note where I went. I just wanted some fresh air after being locked inside for so many months._

"If you needed fresh air, you could have gone out on the balcony!" Harry's hands were balled up in fists, clenched to the sides of his body.

_I can take care of myself, I used a glamour of course._

"But there are people who can see through glamours. What if you would have been spotted? They would have taken you to Azkaban without questioning!" Harry was absolutely seething.

_I appreciate that you seem to care about me, but I don't need a babysitter._

"We have been living here together for more than half a year! You might be a foul git sometimes, but of course I care about you! It's just stupid that you would take such a giant risk just for some _fresh air_! PLAIN STUPID!"

_Don't take that tone with me Potter._

"FUCK OFF SNAPE!"

_I thought the right term was 'fuck you'. _

But Harry didn't see it, he had already left the lab and slammed the door as hard as he could.

The following evening Harry sat alone at dinner, pushing his food around idly. He wasn't hungry, he hated being in a fight with someone. Especially if that someone was the only company that he had. He suppressed the urge to look up when he heard the kitchen door open and close.

"Can I join ... you?" Snape croaked. Harry gave a non-commital jerk with his shoulders and the other man sat down opposite him. Harry returned to mangling his food with renewed fervor. The silence between them stretched on, until Severus choked on his food. Harry's wand was raised in an instant and he cast the 'apneo' without thinking. Severus' airway was freed instantly, and he swallowed convulsively.

_Thank you. _

He carefully took some sips of water to soothe his painful throat. Severus had switched to solid food only recently, and he had to chew extensively before even trying to swallow. But today his mind was so preoccupied with the man sitting opposite him, that he'd been eating his meal absentmindedly.

"Will you stop staring at me?" Harry grumbled, his eyes downcast.

_Sorry. _

"Is your throat okay?" Harry looked at him fleetingly. Severus nodded and raised his wand to write a message, then hesitated.

"Why did ... you get," Severus swallowed and finished his sentence with some effort, "so ... angry?"

"Ron and Hermione just got on my nerves, and then you –" Harry shook his head and mumbled something unintelligible.

"What?"

"Next time you want to go outside, just do it when I'm home."

_So you can protect me?_ Severus sneered.

"It has its perks to be the Golden Boy, or Savior of the World or whatever ridiculous names they give me nowadays," Harry grumbled. "At least I can keep your ass out of Azkaban if something goes wrong."

_You forgot 'the Man Who Lived'._

"What?" Harry's head snapped up and he looked into the dark eyes confused.

_That's what they call you now, in the Daily Prophet._

"So I've upgraded from a boy to a man?" Harry hid his laughter by taking a big bite.

_You are. Aren't you? _Severus busied himself with his food too, but after a few bites he put down his knife and fork. _I understand that you have to vent your frustrations sometimes, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't do that on me._

"Yeah, yeah. Next time I'll go out to some party and 'vent my frustrations' there," Harry answered grudgingly.

_You should spend more time with people of your own age."_

"That's the problem. People my own age are ... well, young. Immature."

_That's because they didn't go through all – well, all the things you went through. But at least young immature people are perfect for venting your frustrations on._

Harry looked at Severus' face and saw an amused smirk on it. "That's what you did all those years at Hogwarts. Especially the Gryffindors."

_Of course. Most of them deserved it though. They are always so full of themselves._

"You could say the same of the Slytherins. Alright, next time I'll find some Slytherins for some verbal abuse. Just don't ask me any questions and put the glamour on me, okay?"

_Deal. I could also teach you to cast a glamour._

Harry stared at him, seemingly lost in thoughts. "What glamour did you use when you went out? Didn't you remove it all when you came back?" he said eventually. Severus looked at him confused, his brows knitting together.

_Of course I removed it when I came back._

"Are you sure? You look – different."

_I can assure you that I full well know how to remove the glamour that I cast myself._

Harry continued to stare at him, the green eyes taking in every detail of the appearance of the man opposite him. Severus felt more and more uncomfortable under the intense look and frantically tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to his mind. He jumped up scared when Harry's fork clattered on his plate, then fell to the floor with a racket like a whole house collapsing.

"You – you –" Harry gasped, pointing his finger at Severus.

"What did ... I do?" Severus managed to choke out.

"You look younger! The Parselwashout – cell regeneration – it's making you look younger!"

_Don't be ridiculous!_

"Seriously! Look in the mirror! You're looking younger than when you started taking the potion! You're not just looking better because you're getting more healthy, but you're getting younger!"

* Progressus - _Progress_


	4. Chapter 4 Conciliatio

IV. Conciliatio *

"I'm saying thirty," Harry said confidently, staring at Severus' reflection in the mirror.

The other man shook his head unbelievingly. "Thirty-five." They had this same conversation almost every week now, trying to establish how old Severus looked. The Parselwashout was steadily healing the wound in his neck and his voice, and steadily making him look younger. It wasn't like he was getting to look like he did when he was younger, because the build of his body didn't get back to the lanky, slim build that he'd had until well into his twenties. So he kept the mature set of his bones, and his confident posture, along with a younger-looking face and skin. Harry gave him the once-over once more, then turned away from the mirror.

"What now?" Severus said when he noticed the unreadable expression on Harry's face.

"Nothing," he busied himself with a book and flopped down on the couch. A disturbing thought had crossed his mind when he'd looked at Severus. When he'd seen the younger Severus in the pensieve, he wouldn't have spared him a second look if he hadn't known who he was. But the way his appearance was changing now, he was most probably turning out to be an attractive man.

A very disturbing thought indeed.

Severus Snape.

Attractive.

Harry shuddered and forced himself to focus on the book he had opened. It was an exciting book about the adventures of an Auror-squad, and soon he was engrossed in the story. But not for long. When he read about the tall, dark-haired, confident Auror who walked the halls with his long cloak billowing around his ankles ... his thoughts invariably strayed back to Severus. Harry grunted and slammed the book shut.

"Something wrong?" Severus informed when he heard the noise. Harry didn't answer and stepped through the double doors onto the balcony. "Do you want ... to get sick? It's ... almost winter!"

Harry grumbled and stepped back inside, closing the doors behind him with a sharp snap. It was cold outside indeed. He'd better go onto the balcony of his bedroom, it was on the other side of the house and bathed in sunshine at the moment.

_You could just put on your cloak if you want to be outside._

"There's sun on my balcony," Harry shrugged and turned to leave the room. "You could use some sunshine too."

The moment he'd said it, he regretted it, because Severus took it as an open invitation and followed him. His balcony was bathed in sunshine indeed and they both dragged a chair outside. After more than fifteen minutes of basking in the pleasant sun, Harry still couldn't direct his thoughts anywhere else than to Severus. He gave it up as a bad job and opened his eyes, to find the other man staring at him.

"What?"

"Your manners ... aren't improving," Severus said, but a smile played around his lips.

"Neither are yours. I don't know if you noticed it, but you're starting to talk more like me," Harry sniggered.

"That isn't too ... bad, now that I'm ... looking a younger age." He still had to force the words out of his throat, but his voice was getting less raspy now.

"I know that we can only guess how old you will look when you can stop taking the Parselwashout, but you'll definitely be below thirty. Don't you think you could just take on a new identity, Sev? Instead of going through the long process of explaining how you're still alive and clearing your name?"

_You know I don't like it when you abbreviate my name. _Severus scowled.

_But I've been thinking of that too. My record will never be clean, most people still won't believe me, even if the Ministry will take my statements in the end. And it will also put a blemish on your name if you defend me._

"I don't give a shit about my reputation, and you know it. Sev." Harry said the name again, just to tease the other man.

"Insufferable brat."

)-(

"Sev?" Harry knocked on his bedroom door.

"Yes."

Harry stopped in the doorway and burst out laughing. Severus quirked one eyebrow and stared at him. "Not prancing in front of the mirror, are you?" Harry hiccupped.

"I do not _prance,_" Severus shot him an icy glare, but it didn't affect Harry as it used to. He stepped up next to the taller man and looked at him intently in the mirror.

"Twenty-eight."

"Thirty-two."

"Let's settle for thirty then," Harry grinned.

"What did you need me for?" Severus cleared his throat, his voice still broke sometimes, and he thought it seemed as raspy as a few weeks ago.

"What's the scowl for?" Harry scowled back at him. "What did I do now?"

"It's not you. This time," he said slowly. "My voice ... I don't think it's improving. Still as raspy as ever."

"I don't think so. It used to be raspy, but now it's more like – husky," Harry shook his head vigorously, then bit his tongue. Husky was good. Very good.

"So?" Severus looked at him inquiringly. "What did you come here for?"

"Relax, I didn't come to bug you. I just wondered ... have I ever thanked you? For all those years you looked out for me, helped Dumbledore ... made sure that I was safe at Hogwarts? For giving me the memories, when you thought you were dying," Harry looked down at his own hands, then looked up at the other man through his eyelashes.

"Yes, you did. Every day, when we just got here."

"Oh. Right. So you do remember it then? There wasn't much else I could do back then. I didn't know if you'd survive at all," Harry frowned at the bad memories. "But I didn't give you a _proper_ thank you."

Before Severus knew what hit him, Harry's arms were around his neck and he was hugging him tightly. His first instinct was to tense up, but when he felt Harry's body heat and his heart beating against his chest, he wrapped his arms around the younger man and hugged him back. When his treacherous body began to react to the delicious young man pressed against him, he tensed up after all. Harry quickly let go of him and took one step back.

"Did I hurt you?" his eyes flew from the dark eyes, to the badly scarred neck, and back.

"No, you didn't. It doesn't hurt anymore," Severus shook his head. Harry brought his hand up and carefully touched the remains of the gruesome wound. A shiver ran down Severus' spine and he held his breath.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"

Severus took a shuddering breath and swallowed thickly, his adam's apple bobbing under Harry's gentle fingers. "Quite sure."

Harry's eyes flew to the brown eyes that were fixed on him, then back to his neck. He pressed two fingers to the pulse point and felt the older man's racing heart beat. "Am I making you nervous?" Harry's voice was soft, but teasing all the same. Severus had done the same to him, months ago, and he'd hated to admit it. Would Severus deny it?

"Apparently." Huh. Severus surprised himself by answering the younger man. He was going all mellow under his influence.

Harry smiled and dropped his hand. "I'll be in the living room," he turned and left the room.

Not much later, Severus joined him. Harry was engrossed in a book and he didn't even look up when the other man spoke.

"Since I'm below thirty now, according to you, I think I should cut my hair."

"No! I like you like this! I mean, it," Harry's head snapped up, then he blushed. "I mean, I like your hair like this," he mumbled.

Severus chose to ignore the compliment. "But isn't it out of fashion?"

"Since when do you care about that? I mean –" Harry stopped and cursed inwardly. Nothing was coming out right today.

"Since I have to take on a new identity. It should be convincing, right?"

"Why don't you go and look for yourself? See what the younger adults do and look like these days?" Harry said, then bit his tongue. It would mean that he had to go out with him.

"What do you suggest?"

"A - party?"

"You would have to accompany me. _You_ are the one who insisted," Severus paused to rest his voice, "... that I never go out of the house without you."

"It's not that I hate parties. At least not when I'm wearing a glamour. It's just not that much fun when I have to go there alone ..." his voice trailed off when he realized that he wouldn't be going alone. Sev would come with him this time.

Severus thought for a few minutes. "Alright, I will go to a party," he said the last word with a dirty look on his face. "But I will _not_ wear Muggle clothes."

"You don't have them anyway. It's okay, some people wear robes, some wear pants. It doesn't matter what you wear."

)-(

Severus ordered another drink and slowly sipped his Firewhiskey. This party wasn't that bad. He'd learned a lot by observing the other people. How they interacted, danced. His eyes swerved back invariably to the dance floor, to the wizard with the messy, dark hair. After downing a few drinks, Harry had been dancing almost non-stop. Severus eyes dropped to the jeans that snugly fit around the fit ass, then slowly went higher to the drenched tank top. He'd started out with a decent shirt over it, but that had been discarded after just a few songs. Severus didn't mind the view, but the problem was that other people had started to notice Harry too. He was wearing a glamour, but a fit body like that couldn't go unnoticed. Severus tried to tell himself that he was just feeling so protective of him because he'd been looking after him for all those years. But then Harry turned around and caught him looking, and made his way over to him.

"Come dance," he grabbed Severus' hands with both his hands.

"I don't dance."

"Of course you do," Harry linked their fingers and pulled him off the barstool.

"You're drunk."

"Of course I am. Now come on and dance. With me."

Severus opened his mouth to reply, but then a handsome wizard stepped behind Harry and slid his arms around his waist. "Come on, he doesn't want to dance. Dance with me instead," he said in Harry's ear, but loud enough for Severus to hear.

Severus shot the blond an icy look, then looked at Harry, into the shining green eyes. "I think we should go home."

"Go bugger off," Harry elbowed the blond and let Severus pull him closer, staggering into his arms.

"You really are drunk," Severus shook his head, amused and worried at the same time. Harry just grinned up at him and nodded happily. "Come on, put on your shirt and we're going."

"Shirt?" Harry looked at him blankly, then frowned.

"It's here," Severus rolled his eyes and held it up for him. After a minute of looking at a struggling Harry, he chuckled and buttoned the shirt for him.

"Thanks," Harry smiled and hugged him tightly, his breath tickling Severus' neck.

"Merlin, you're wasted," the older man peeled the arms from around his neck, and wrapped one arm around him to guide him to the exit. Harry happily wrapped his arm around Severus' waist, his hand occasionally creeping lower until he got corrected by an icy glare.

)-(

Harry groaned when he woke up, then winced as even the sound of his own groan seemed too loud. His head was bursting, as was his bladder. He carefully got up from his bed and made his way over to the bathroom. His whole body felt like jelly. Sore jelly.

Why the hell did he drink so much last night? He _did _have fun though. When he was finished, he stumbled back to bed. Why wouldn't the room stop spinning?

He moaned when a loud knock on the door startled him.

"Master Harry? Sir sends this potion for you. Sir says you have to drink it all right away," Kreacher entered the room and offered him a goblet. The house-elf eyed him intently as he downed the drink, willing himself not to vomit it all right out. He sank back in the pillows, and after a minute the potion seemed to spread all through his body, soaking up the nasty after-effects of the alcohol.

"Thanks a lot," Harry sighed relieved and watched the house-elf disappear. His relief turned to horror immediately though. What had he done last night? He'd begged Sev to dance with him! He'd held his hands ... He hadn't kissed him, had he? No, he didn't think so. Sev had taken him home and – oh Merlin! He'd been trying to feel him up when they walked the short way home! Severus hadn't appreciated it, he'd stopped him every time Harry's hand came dangerously close to his ass ...

Harry buried his face in the pillows. How was he supposed to ever look him in the eye again? Well, there was no way he could avoid him, he'd have to face him sooner or later. Better sooner then.

He got up, quickly showered and went down for breakfast. He was starving. He'd just started wolfing down the eggs and bacon when Severus entered the kitchen.

"Morning," Harry said muffled, his mouth stuffed.

"Good morning. I see you took the potion."

"Yeah. Thanks, I really needed it," Harry shrugged awkwardly, avoiding the other man's eyes.

"That's what I thought. I hope you had fun last night?"

Harry nodded his head vigorously. "And you? You didn't even dance."

"So you do remember? You seemed so drunk, I presumed you would have forgotten – most things."

Harry blushed furiously. "Sorry. Thanks for saving me from the guy though, he'd been coming on to me all night," Harry shuddered.

"No problem. I presumed you weren't ... interested in him after you pushed him away the first time."

"They're always so pushy! Like clinging on to you and feeling you up and –" Harry stopped, his face a brilliant crimson. "Oh damn. I'm so sorry!" he banged his head on the table repeatedly. He'd been doing exactly the same to Sev!

Severus chuckled amused. "At least you're overwhelmed by remorse. I bet they aren't."

Harry lifted his head up from his arms and peered through his eyelashes. Severus wasn't angry at him? "This isn't remorse. This is shame," he mumbled, pointing at his flaming cheeks. When Severus didn't say anything, Harry slowly straightened up. "You didn't answer my question though. Did you enjoy yourself? Or are you never ever going to a party again?"

"It certainly was – educational. And amusing."

"Is that good or bad?"

Severus looked at him, the corners of his mouth quivering with a suppressed smile.

Harry's eyes opened wide in surprise. "You _enjoyed_ yourself, didn't you?"

"Is that a crime?" Severus laughed openly now.

"Why didn't you dance then?"

"The ones in robes didn't dance," he smirked. "Didn't you see?"

Harry thought for a minute, then his face lit up in a big grin. "There's an easy remedy for that!"

)-(

"No, no Harry. I can not walk around ... Muggle London like this. Why don't ... we go to Diagon Alley?"

"Of course you can! There also Muggles who wear cloaks, they're called 'Gothic'. Come on," Harry pulled Severus' arm. The older man followed him reluctantly. He matched his strides to Harry's when the younger man linked arms with him.

"This is weird."

"I know. We should get out more," Harry grinned. "That's what you've been telling me all along."

"That's not what ... I mean, and you know it."

"Shut up and just let me enjoy the fact that I can go outside without a glamour for once," Harry scowled at him. Severus let out a big sigh, then looked sideways at the other man.

"So you enjoy ... shopping? How girlish ... of you." Severus had to take some deep breaths to steady his voice.

Harry's jaws clenched at the jibe, but then he decided to answer him truthfully. "It's just that when I was younger, I never got any new clothes. Only hand-me-downs."

"Oh. So you don't ... like shopping because ... you're gay?"

"Who says I'm gay?" Harry answered immediately. Severus watched his face closely, but he couldn't decipher if Harry was denying it, teasing him, or if he just wasn't gay at all. Guys and girls had been coming on to Harry at the party, but he hadn't paid either of them any special attention.

He gave a frustrated sigh. "Aren't you?"

Harry didn't answer, but pulled him into a store and started scanning the racks. After just a few minutes, he'd laded several items in Severus' arms and steered him to the fitting rooms. "Try them on, I'll wait here," Harry pointed at the chairs facing the cubicles.

"Do you really think that ... I'll dance once I'm wearing Muggle ... clothes?" Severus arched one eyebrow.

"Well, I don't know, but it's worth a shot, right? If you keep wearing robes when we go out, you won't dance for sure," Harry shot him a cheeky grin and opened a cubicle for him. He almost pushed Severus inside, but he restrained himself. He didn't want to push him too far.

Severus gave a defeated sigh and closed the curtain behind him.

"How's it going?" Harry asked impatiently after a few minutes.

"I really don't understand ... why you want me to wear _pants._ It's ... ridiculous and I haven't ... worn them since I ... was a kid."

"Here, take a sip," Harry pushed a bottle of water through the curtain. Severus' voice was getting huskier by the minute. Severus mumbled something unintelligible and Harry crossed his arms, waiting right outside the curtain. "And?"

"I'm not stepping outside like this," Severus grumbled.

"Then I'm coming in," Harry said cheerful and stepped into the cubicle indeed.

"Insufferable brat," Severus growled, but Harry ignored his complaints.

"The shirt is great," he nodded approvingly, then lifted it up a little to look at the pants. Severus stepped back, away from him, but then his back hit the wall. Harry grinned. "Not exactly your style, is it?"

"No. Can we go back home now?"

"No, no. The type of pants isn't your style. Try on the other ones," Harry smirked. "You're not getting out of this so easily."

Severus stared at him pointedly. "What?" Harry said innocently. "You want me to get out? I've seen your boxers before, you know. Remember, when you couldn't walk yet?"

"Get out Potter."

"Oh come on Sev, don't be so self-conscious. Take a look in the mirror, you're actually looking quite great!" But Severus pushed him bodily out of the cubicle and closed the curtain meticulously. Harry laughed loudly and sat down. "I mean it though!"

When the sounds of movement stopped, Harry peered through the curtain. "Hey, this one looks great!"

Severus shot him a dirty look for coming in again, then looked at his reflection doubtfully. "You think so?"

"Turn around," Harry pushed his shoulder, but Severus firmly stood his ground.

"I'm not going to _turn around_," he bit at him.

"Of course you are, how else am I supposed to see if it fits?" Harry suppressed his laughter, and instead forced himself behind the other man to have a look. "Or would you rather like it if I called for a saleslady?"

"No, I don't want a complete ... stranger fussing over me and pulling ... on my clothes," he groaned and reluctantly stepped forward so that Harry had a bit more space to move.

"Looks good," Harry's eyes swerved over the other man's ass once again. Severus squinted his eyes and looked at him in the mirror.

"What?"

"Will you stop staring at my – at me?" Severus turned away from him.

"You really got the grumpy act down today," Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't you like being out of the house?"

"A change of scenery is nice, but this ... isn't. Why don't you ... buy anything?"

"Okay, okay, I'll go and search for something for myself. You try on the last pair of pants, we'll put this one as a maybe," Harry shot a last look at the other man's pants.

"You see? It's annoying if ... someone is staring at you," Severus smirked when Harry turned around uncomfortably, showing his new jeans.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry pouted. "Now go back to your own cubicle."

"You haven't showed the shirt yet."

Harry stuck out his tongue, and quickly changed his shirt. He felt Severus' eyes burning on him, but he told himself not to be as self-conscious as the other man. And Sev had seen him shirtless before, right? "What do you think?"

"It ..." Severus cleared his throat, "... it looks good. Brings out the ... green in your eyes."

"That's such a gay answer," Harry chuckled, earning him a slap on the back of his head.

"Ouch! I'm not really into spanking, you know!"

"No? I would have taken ... you for the kinky kind," Severus chuckled, but then a frown formed on his face when he saw Harry's look.

"I got beaten up enough when I was a kid," Harry murmured.

"You really had such ... a bad childhood? I never knew! I ... mean, I heard the rumors, but I thought ... they were always exaggerating."

"It might have been even worse," Harry whispered.

"What do you mean? Will you tell me about it?" Severus looked at the downcast face concerned.

"Not here," Harry shook his head curtly, then looked up at the other man. "The shirt really looks good on you, you should take it."

Severus ran his hand along the low collar, until Harry took his hand and pushed it aside. "You might need to wear a glamour to hide the scars. I mean, I'm not bothered by them, but people might be staring at you," Harry said softly, tracing the ugly scars absentmindedly. When Severus stilled his hand by placing his own hand over it, Harry looked up in the brown eyes. Time seemed to stop and they stared into eachother's eyes.

"Ahem," someone cleared his throat outside the cubicle. "Do you gentlemen need any help with the clothes?"

"No, we're done I think," Harry opened the curtain and showed the jeans he was wearing. "Nice, right?"

"Very nice. Can I take the other clothes?"

Severus quickly went back to his own cubicle to change back into his robes. He tried to ignore the funny feeling in his stomach, but the trembling of his hands couldn't be ignored easily.

"Ready, Sev?"

"Yeah yeah. Don't rush me, will you?" he groaned as he did the last buttons. "Don't rush an old man."

The saleslady gave them an odd look when he eventually stepped out and handed her the clothes.

Harry chuckled. "He's only a few years older than me, but he thinks he's way over forty," he winked. The woman smiled at Harry, then led the way to the counter.

"See? She doesn't think you look old at all," Harry whispered and nudged Severus in the side.

"Are we done with shopping now?" he gave an exasperated sigh.

Harry nodded smiling. "Yes. We can do something that you like now. Take a pick."

* Conciliatio - _Attraction_


	5. Chapter 5 Inceptio incertum

V. Inceptio incertum *

Harry gave a frustrated sigh as he saw some more men approach Severus. The reactions of all the regular customers of the club where they currently were, had been a confirmation of Harry's fears. Severus had indeed changed into an attractive man. And he hadn't even done anything to draw the attention, he'd only been sitting at the bar, looking around a bit!

Harry shook his head to stop obsessing over his friend and turned back to the dance floor. He lost himself in the rhythmic moves and danced all his troubles away. Until his eyes strayed back to the bar, and he found Severus making his way over to the dance floor, being dragged there by two handsome wizards. He didn't look like he really wanted to go with them, but Harry knew that he probably didn't want to cause a scene either.

Harry didn't even notice that he was rather harsh in pushing people to the side when he made his way over to the older wizard.

"I don't think he wants to dance with you. I think he'd rather be with me," Harry said loudly to the two wizards flanking Severus. Before the two strangers could react to Harry, Severus took the chance and turned away from them all.

"Come on, you're just being shy. You can have some fun with us," one of the strangers grabbed Severus' arm and threw him a slick smile.

"Let him go. He's coming with me," Harry said through clenched teeth.

"I'm not going with any of you," Severus said haughtily, realizing that they were drawing attention anyway and started to walk away from Harry.

"Sev?" Harry said, hurt evident in his voice. The rejection hit him harder than he'd admit.

Severus turned around sharply and stared at Harry, then realization dawned on his face. "Hi. Sorry, I didn't recognize you for a second," he said and nudged his head to make Harry follow him. When they were well away from the staring looks and curious ears, Severus put his hand on Harry's arm.

"What happened to your glamour? You ... look different than usual."

"I kind of lost my temper about an hour ago," Harry admitted. "Nobody noticed though, I went to the bathroom," he added when Severus gave him a stern look.

"And you were sloppy when you put it back on."

"I guess so. The light's not so good in the bathrooms here," Harry shrugged uncomfortable under the other man's scrutinizing look.

"You could have felt if the glamour is right, you don't ... need to look in the mirror for that. What if someone ... would have noticed that you looked different ... when you came out again?" Severus' voice was getting hoarse, he wasn't used to speaking long sentences yet.

"Nobody noticed, they were all too busy staring at you."

Severus looked at the angry set of Harry's mouth, and his darkened eyes. They stared at eachother for a few seconds before the younger man looked away.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself? If that ... is the case, we can go home," Severus eventually said.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Harry countered.

"Well ..." he answered thoughtful, "... I was enjoying myself, until those two became a bit – too pushy. And you seemed to be enjoying yourself too ... with the dancing."

Harry stared into the dark brown, golden flecked eyes. He didn't want to spoil the older man's fun by saying that he wanted to go home. But he just couldn't watch all the foolish teenagers making their advances on Severus. "Dance with me?"

"I don't dance to this," Severus shook his head, a dirty look on his face.

"Will you dance if they play a slow song?" Harry tilted his head to the side a little, a smile playing around his lips.

"It's less unlikely."

"Come on, let's grab a drink," Harry chuckled and lead his friend to the bar. Their shoulders touched when they quickly claimed two empty seats. "Let's see if we can get you to loosen up a little," Harry lightly pushed against his shoulder, getting a smirk in return.

"You mean, you want to see me drunk?"

"That would be brilliant, but a bit too much to ask, I think," Harry sniggered, trying to picture the reserved man hammered.

"As you always put it so eloquently, _fat chance_," Severus shook his head and ordered them both a Firewhiskey. They raised their glasses in a silent toast and Harry drank deeply. Severus took a small sip, watching him through narrowed eyes. When Harry raised his hand again for a new swig, Severus put his hand on his to stop him.

"How much have you drank already?"

"Hardly anything," Harry lowered his hand, looking at his friend's fingers on top of his. "'S only my third this whole evening."

"Still, it isn't something to just pour down," Severus slowly withdrew his hand. Harry shrugged and turned around to look out over the dancing crowd. When his eyes strayed to the deejay-booth, he turned back to the bar and grabbed a napkin. He scribbled something down, then folded it into a basic airplane and let it soar straight to the deejay.

"What did you do?"

"I requested a song," Harry grinned and gently bumped his knee to the other man's.

"Let's hope he won't play it," Severus grinned back, seeing the twinkle in the green eyes.

"Scared?"

"Very."

"Good. You should be," Harry wiggled his eyebrows, then let his eyes roam over Severus' body. "So, do you like wearing pants now?"

"It does feel weird."

"Not able to hide everything under your robes, eh?" Harry grinned, then secretly let his eyes wander over his body once again. He was looking damn fit in these clothes!

"Uhm, yes something like that," Severus shrugged uncomfortably, not having missed Harry's glances. What was going on here? Earlier, Harry had seemed ... jealous. And it was almost like he was flirting with him. Just like – when they were shopping for the clothes. There had been this moment between them, in the fitting booth ...

"What are you thinking about?" Harry broke through his musings.

"You." Severus cringed inwardly. "Well, no more Firewhiskey for me," he said dryly and pushed his empty glass away.

"Well, as long as I'm sitting next to you, I'd rather have that you _talk_ to me, instead of _think_ of me," Harry grinned cheekily. "But, uhm, what were you thinking about exactly?"

"How you're an insufferable brat. And how ... you always seem to get your way anyway."

"Well, isn't that a coincidence? That's the song," Harry put his finger in the air, then slid off his seat. "And I'm gonna get my way again. Dance with me," he grabbed Severus' hand and nudged his head to the dance floor. Severus closed his eyes for a second and groaned.

"Why?"

"Come on, just try it. If you don't like it, you can leave and I promise I won't be offended," Harry said, his bright green eyes pleading. The older man grumbled, but then followed him. Harry smirked when he saw all the jealous looks, and held on to Severus' hand a bit tighter. When they reached a less crowded area, Harry turned around and wrapped his arms loosely around Severus' shoulders. They were almost the same height, and Harry stared into the dark eyes when he felt his hands settle on his waist hesitantly. The young man smiled and started to sway to the music slowly, giving Severus time to adjust to the rhythm.

Severus felt himself drown in the emerald eyes, and tore his eyes away eventually. He looked around, anything to avoid looking at Harry's face so close to him.

"There's both gay and straight couples," Harry said softly, misinterpreting the other man's wandering eyes.

"Oh. Does that mean you're gay then?"

"I'm dancing with you, ain't I?" Harry replied, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You never told me."

"You don't tell me everything either."

Severus quirked one eyebrow and finally looked at Harry's face. "I think I've shared quite a lot with you over the last months."

"You never told me what you do when you go to your room early in the evening. I know you're not going to sleep, as you always say," Harry whispered in his ear, placing his cheek to Severus' and wrapping his arms around his shoulders a bit tighter.

Severus felt all the blood in his body flow to two places: his burning cheeks and his tightening groin.

"You're blushing," Harry stated, but kept swaying to the music, comfortable in his friend's arms. "I like it best when you come back to the living room later on, claiming you can't sleep. Because then you're all relaxed and you want to talk instead of just reading a book." He put his head to rest on Severus' shoulder, his breath tickling the non-scarred side of his neck.

"You do?" Severus whispered and moved his arms from the sides of Harry's waist to the back, circling him, pulling him a little bit closer but making sure there was still some space between them.

"Whispering is bad for your voice Sev. What do you like best?"

"When – when you make me laugh."

"You never laughed much, did you? I plan on making you laugh much more often. Or at least smile," Harry pressed a soft kiss to his jaw, nuzzling his cheek. When Severus didn't pull back or tense up, Harry did it again. Severus reveled in the feeling of the young man in his arms, all relaxed and at ease. Before he knew what happened, their lips were touching, and they were exchanging a shy kiss. When neither of them pulled back, they pressed their mouths together with more confidence, sharing a tender kiss. Harry's hand twined in Severus' hair, locking them together when he slightly parted his lips and let his tongue dart out tentatively. Severus responded instantly by deepening their kiss, their tongues swirling around eachother dizzyingly.

They kissed for a long time, not even noticing when the music changed back to the thrumming bass and up-beat pop songs.

)-(

Harry sighed relieved when he woke up and saw that it was morning. He'd woken up several times in the night, unable to go back to sleep until he'd rid himself of his persistent erection. He'd been reliving last night's kiss endlessly. But now what? After they'd broken the kiss, Sev had stepped back, putting a distance between them. They'd gone home, talking politely to eachother, but no touching and definitely no more kissing had happened. At home they'd said their goodnights in the hallway and Severus had gone straight up to his room.

Did he regret it? He didn't hope so, because Harry sure as hell didn't! He'd totally lost himself in the kiss, not having felt this happy, this at ease with anybody else before. Unlike with his, few, former kissing-partners, he hadn't been preoccupied with the techniques, the taste, the question of where he should put his hands, whether he was doing it right. With Severus, it had all just come naturally. He presumed Severus wasn't the best kisser in the world, as his lips had been raw afterwards, there had been some minor dribbling and his jaw had started to ache until they'd shifted. But to Harry, the kiss had been perfect.

After a quick shower, he got dressed and went downstairs. He'd just started on baking the eggs, when Severus entered the kitchen.

"Good morning," Harry turned around and smiled brightly.

"Good morning to you too. I didn't expect you to be up so early," Severus smiled and sat down at the table, taking the newspaper. Harry frowned, not having expected, but having hoped for a kiss, or a hug, or ... anything.

"Kreacher's out shopping again?" Severus informed, glancing over the paper at the stove for a second, then looking back down.

"I guess so. Bacon and eggs?" Harry shrugged, turning away from the other man to grab some more eggs from the fridge. He didn't see the wistful look on the older man's face, when his eyes wandered over his jeans and t-shirt.

The whole day continued in the same way, furtive glances when the other wasn't looking, and silence except for some small talk. All day in the potions lab they exchanged ideas and discussed the alterations to the salve they were currently developing, but not once did either of them mention the night before. Dinner was much of the same. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence when they weren't talking, but the kiss was on both minds constantly.

"Hey," Harry smiled when he found Severus in the living room in the evening.

"Hay is for horses, Potter," he answered, looking up from his book, but he was smiling. Harry rolled his eyes and sat down next to him on the couch. They weren't touching, but they were sitting much closer than usual. Harry grabbed a magazine, flipping through it without actually seeing the pages. His head kept on turning to the man next to him, engrossed in his book.

"What's with the looks, Harry?"

Huh, not so engrossed after all. Harry's cheeks flushed slightly that he'd been caught staring. "Do you regret last night?" he blurted out.

"No. Do you?" Severus looked him straight in the eye.

"Of course not! ."

"I don't think I caught that," Severus said calmly, but a smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"You heard me."

"I do not _snog_. I'm not some hormone-driven teenager."

"But I am!" Harry said defiantly.

"Then why would you want to kiss _me_?" Severus' brows knitted together.

"If you don't want me, then why'd you kiss me back last night? You had enough time to change your mind," Harry mumbled, looking down at his own hands.

"Oh Harry, it's not that I don't _want_ you. But afterwards, you had this – bewildered look on your face and I thought ... I don't know exactly," Severus said, annoyed with himself that he couldn't find the words to say what he meant. He never had any troubles with gathering his thoughts and saying exactly what he meant, except with Harry.

As suddenly as last night, Harry's lips were pressed to his own and Severus sighed contented as their mouths melted together in a deep kiss. After a few minutes, Severus pulled back and looked at the younger man's face.

"There it is again," he said softly, backing away.

"It – what?" Harry said confused, feeling hurt that the other man was distancing himself again after such a perfect kiss.

"The bewildered look. What's wrong Harry?"

"I'm just wondering what I did wrong. Why you stopped and then back away from me," Harry mumbled, wiping his sweaty hands on his legs.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Severus laughed relieved. "And I just stopped because – well we have to stop some time, don't we?"

"No we don't," Harry grumbled. Severus laughed out loud again, but then the laughter died in his throat when Harry latched on to his mouth with renewed fervor. He gathered the younger man in his arms and kissed him back just as impassioned.

)-(

"Good morning Harry."

"Morning," he replied sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he sat down at the kitchen table. Severus leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, then stood up quickly.

"I'll be in the lab. See you there later?"

"Sure," Harry gave a big yawn and stretched himself languidly. Severus nearly ran from the kitchen, leaving a dazed Harry behind.

"Do you want to take a break for lunch?" Severus cleaned up his work from the morning and turned to find Harry lost in thoughts. "Harry?"

"What did I do wrong now?"

"What? Wrong?" Severus looked at him puzzled.

"This morning you fled from the kitchen, and –" Harry shook his head, blushing embarrassed.

"What, Harry? I can't read your thoughts, so you'll have to tell me," Severus said, more patient than usual.

"Well, you haven't kissed me! At all! Last night you told me you _do_ want to kiss, and now in the morning it's the same story all over again!" Harry blurted out, then shut up, blushing furiously.

Severus shook his head smiling and took his hand, leading him out of the lab. "It's not the same story all over again. I didn't kiss you in the lab ... because it could be dangerous. Cauldrons boiling over ... ingredients getting mixed up accidentally ... The work's too dangerous to get distracted."

"Oh," Harry's face fell. "Then what about breakfast?"

"I did kiss you good morning, didn't I?"

"Yeah, well ... you couldn't have stayed a bit longer?" Harry shrugged, but then looked up curiously as he saw Severus blush a crimson red. He hadn't seen that happening before!

"You were looking a bit too – tempting," Severus admitted.

"What? I was wearing my old pj's!" Harry called out astonished.

"No, you were only wearing your pajama bottoms. And as they're old ... they're hanging very ... low."

"Oh!" Harry realized that the other man was right and he let out a giggle. Severus suddenly had his arms full of lusty teenager. "Why don't you show up in your pajama bottoms next time at breakfast?" Harry whispered, wiggling his eyebrows as he wrapped his arms around Severus' neck. Severus smiled and pressed their mouths together in a sweet kiss. When he pulled back, he trailed kisses to Harry's ear. "I don't wear pajamas," he whispered.

"Even better," Harry chuckled and kissed him enthusiastically. Their kiss deepened and for minutes they lost themselves in the taste and feel of the other man.

"Harry, we have to get some lunch now. I am hungry, aren't you?" Severus said softly as he tried to pull back.

"Yes, I'm hungry," Harry mumbled to his lips, latching on to his mouth again hungrily. Severus grumbled and pushed the younger man back reluctantly.

"You can drop the grumpy act, Sev. I know now that you're a big softie and that you like kissing," Harry grinned cheekily.

"Kreacher!" Severus said loudly, and the elf appeared before Harry could object or kiss him again. He asked for lunch and followed the old creature to the kitchen without looking back if Harry was following him. Harry emerged in the kitchen some minutes later, grumbling and muttering about old men and priorities.

"What did you say, Harry?"

"You know full well what I was saying," Harry groaned and sat down on the edge of the table, his arms crossed. Severus deliberately pulled the newspaper from this morning closer and started scanning the pages. Harry made a show of sliding off the table and sitting down on a chair with as much noise as possible.

"I might look young, but I'm too old for childish games," Severus said matter-of-factly when Kreacher served their food and he put away the newspaper.

"Right. So you can come off with the grumpy act, and I can't? Nice," Harry snorted and took an unenthusiastic bite of his sandwich.

"You're just pouting because you didn't get your way, and you know it," Severus rolled his eyes and dug in to his sandwich, displaying an excess of enthusiasm for the food. Harry grumbled something unintelligible and ignored the other man for the rest of the meal.

In the afternoon Harry came around and they worked in companionable silence in the lab and by dinner he was chatting and laughing as happily as ever.

"I'm going to take a shower, and then I'll be in the living room. Will you be there?" Severus gathered the younger man in his arms when they left the kitchen. Harry kissed him sweetly and mumbled a yes.

When Severus entered the silent room not much later, he found Harry splayed across the couch, reading a book. The younger man pulled up his legs to make some room for Severus, but otherwise didn't acknowledge his presence. Severus looked at the relaxed, peaceful look on his face for a few minutes, then tentatively reached out and stroked the slender legs. Harry looked up smiling when Severus placed his legs on his lap and started to massage his feet.

"Mmm feels good," Harry sighed contented with his eyes closed, the book slid to the floor forgotten. "Why'd you stop?" he moaned a long time later, but his moan was swallowed when he opened his eyes and found Severus hovering over him, their noses almost touching. Harry reached up and locked their lips together in a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around the other man. Severus pulled back slightly to get into a sitting position, Harry following his movements until he sat down on his lap.

"Am I not too heavy?" Harry whispered to his lips, showering him in small kisses.

"You're not that skinny anymore, but you're far from heavy," Severus smiled and carded his hand through the messy dark hair. Harry moved in to the touch, liking the gentle fingers on his scalp.

"Who are you and what have you done with snarky, greasy old Snape?" Harry chuckled as he felt Severus' lips press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I'm Sev, nice to meet you. And I don't know ... what _you _have done with the old git," Severus smirked, laughing loudly when he felt Harry rumbling with laughter in his arms.

When the laughter subsided, they stared into eachother's eyes, getting lost in the endless depths. Their faces slowly inched closer until their lips touched, starting a whole new, passionate kissing-session. Severus' hand moved through the messy dark hair, then crept lower as they engaged in a tongue-wrestling match. His fingers ghosted over the short hairs in his neck, then grabbed him a bit tighter to lock them together.

In a split second, Harry had jumped up and away from him. In the middle of the room he turned around and stood there trembling, his eyes big and round as they stared at Severus.

"What happened? What's wrong Harry?" Severus said worried, seeing the anxious expression on the younger man's face.

"You – you -" Harry stammered, his body shaking as he wrapped his arms around himself.

"What?" Severus slowly approached him and reached out his hand as Harry slumped to the floor, pulling his legs to his chest to curl up in a tight ball. Severus pulled him into a sitting position, both his hands on Harry's shoulders as he looked into the green eyes.

"I'm sorry," Harry took a shuddering breath, his eyes losing the anxious expression.

"Sorry? For what? What's going on Harry?"

"I – you grabbed my neck and I freaked out," Harry muttered, scrambling to his feet. He held out his hand and Severus stood up gracefully.

"Bad memories?"

Harry nodded his head silently and slumped down on the couch. Severus sat down next to him cautiously. "I think it's time you tell me about your childhood."

Harry looked up, into the dark brown eyes full of concern. "And if I don't want to talk about it?"

"I will never force you to do anything. But I ... want to understand, and know what – I don't want to accidentally do something to freak you out."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me," Harry shook his head.

"I will tell you about my childhood too. But I don't want you to feel sorry for me either."

"That bad?"

"That bad," Severus nodded, unconsciously rubbing his thumb over a scar on his wrist. Harry's eyes fixed on the thin white line and he scooted a bit closer to the other man. Severus wrapped both his arms tightly around him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Harry slowly relaxed and after a long time, he eventually started to speak slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"Nobody ever held me like this. And that's exactly what was the problem. Nobody wanted me. The Dursleys never wanted me ... they loathed me. And they never forgot to show that."

)-(

One week later found the two men in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place.

"Mmmm," Severus kissed the younger man lovingly again, hugging him a bit closer. "What do you want to do today?"

"Do?" Harry mumbled, letting his hands trail lower towards Severus' ass. Severus chuckled and grabbed his hands, stepping back a little.

"It's Sunday, so I thought you would want to spend the day without Potions."

"Oh, right," Harry grinned, coming to his senses a little. "Well, I need to go shopping, so we could go into London?"

"Again?" Severus gave a fake sigh. "Muggle London I presume?"

"We could also go into Diagon Alley, but I prefer Muggle London, yes."

"I'll have to get changed then?"

"If you want," Harry grinned, already looking forward to seeing the other man in pants again. Severus growled at the cheeky expression on his face, then kissed him again before he left the kitchen. Harry whistled when he helped Kreacher clear away the remains of their luxurious breakfast.

"Will Master want lunch?"

"No, I don't think we'll be here for lunch. But we'll be back before dinner," Harry shook his head and went into the hallway to get his winter jacket. His eyes raked over Severus' body, pleased with the effect of his long overcoat over his pants.

"What?" Severus looked at him sideways as they made their way outside and he wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. Harry's arm came around him too and they matched their strides through the layer of snow on the pavement.

"I just like the way you look," Harry shrugged and softly squeezed the other man's hip. Severus didn't answer, but inside he was glowing with the compliment. His eyes kept on straying to the side, watching how the contentment just seemed to radiate from Harry's face. He quirked one eyebrow when Harry's eyes lit up cheekily when he looked back at him.

"Who would have predicted two years ago, when we were both still at Hogwarts ..." he paused when they crossed a slippery street, "... that we would be together now?"

"I would have given that person a month's worth of detention," Severus sniggered.

"I would have hexed him six ways to Sunday. And yet, here we are."

"I guess having a dying experience changes everything."

"I guess so. Do you realize that I died less than an hour later than ... than that you got attacked – less than an hour later than you?" Harry said, having difficulty to find the right words.

"Harry? Could we discuss this some other time?" Severus said softly. "I don't want to add another life-changing death experience, as my life is good as it is." They carefully dodged all the cars when they crossed a wide street.

"You got a point," Harry smirked as the other man almost lost his balance when they reached a particularly slippery part on the pavement.

"I don't have the balance of a Quidditch player," Severus rolled his eyes at the smirk.

"I haven't played Quidditch in a long time."

"Then why don't you join a team?"

"I could," Harry said thoughtful. "But only if Ron will come with me. At least then one person will treat me normal. Unless you ... ?"

"No, no. I am _not_ going to play Quidditch. Why don't you ever invite your friends over?"

"I guess I could ask Ron and Hermione ..." Harry's voice trailed off when they heard a distant noise when the icy wind changed direction. "A winter carnival?" Harry grabbed Severus' hand as he dragged him in the direction of the noise, and his eyes lit up when he saw the Ferris wheel, the topple tower and the sky swat.

"You want to –" Severus didn't finish his sentence when he saw the green eyes shine as he looked around. "Let me guess, they never took you to a carnival?"

"Oh, yes they took me there," Harry snorted, "... but they made me wait in line for Dudley so that he didn't have to wait anywhere. I didn't get in any of the rides of course. And I had to buy them the candy floss and popcorn and sugarcanes and whatever they wanted."

Severus' fingers tightened around Harry's as he heard the sad tone in his voice. He didn't understand how Harry wasn't bitter about it, just sad. "Where do you want to go first?"

"Are you coming with me?" Harry turned to him, looking at him expectantly.

"I'm not going in there," Severus pointed at the sky swat. "I don't trust those Muggle machines. That one would be okay, I think," he then pointed at the Ferris wheel. He pretended he didn't hear Harry's sniggers as they entered the area. The smell of candy floss and popcorn was overwhelming, and Severus changed direction to the nearest stall. Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he didn't say anything.

"What? There's nothing better to do than spoil your teeth while we're waiting in line," Severus said with a grave face. He knew that Harry had a sweet tooth, and despite just having finished their late breakfast, he was probably longing for the disgustingly sweet candy already.

"Thanks," Harry pressed a quick kiss to his lips before he dug in to the fluffy candy. When they stood waiting in line for the Ferris wheel, Severus watched the other man amused.

"Want to try?" Harry grinned, seeing his looks. Severus eyed the pink floss apprehensively, but then took a small piece anyway. He scowled at his sticky fingers and pulled a dirty face. Harry laughed and ate the rest of it untroubled, licking his fingers extensively when he finished. Severus' eyes followed every movement and Harry grinned at him cheekily. He wrapped his arms around his friend and kissed him tenderly.

"Mmm tastes better like this," Severus mumbled to the sweet lips and kissed him some more.

"We're in public, remember?" Harry pulled back breathless when he suddenly realized they were out in the open. "In the Muggle world it's frowned upon by some people."

"What, kissing?"

"Being gay," Harry said awkwardly, his eyes quickly taking in their surroundings. Nobody seemed to be taking offence though, so he didn't withdraw from the other man's embrace as they shuffled along in line.

"Are you sure you don't wanna come with me?" Harry pleaded as he got in line for the umpteenth rollercoaster.

"I still don't trust the Muggle machines," Severus shook his head and cringed when he heard the squeals and screams of the people who were being shot in the air. "Go, I'll keep my wand ready."

Harry sniggered and kissed him briefly before the turned to the line, but then he turned back. "Would you go with me in the Ferris wheel again?"

Severus shrugged his shoulders, then nodded. Harry's face lit up in a bright smile. "Then I'd rather go in the Ferris wheel. Come on," he grabbed his friend's cold hand. "We can leave after this."

"Are you sure?"

"We still haven't shopped. And there will be other carnivals, right?" Harry rubbed Severus' cold hands.

"Of course. Get in line, I'll get you some more candy floss."

"Oh I don't know," Harry shook his head as he'd just eaten a lot of popcorn, but his eyes strayed to the pink sweetness anyway. "Why don't you get yourself some hot chocolate or something? You're freezing."

"I bet they make it extra-sweet here," Severus shuddered, only liking bitter chocolate.

"You could always ask -"

"Just get in line, will you?" Severus cut him off, but he wasn't really annoyed.

When he returned with candy floss for Harry and a hot cup for himself, Harry grinned and kissed him briefly. "Thanks."

"Don't complain if you feel nauseous," Severus smirked when Harry dug in to the sweetness like he hadn't eaten in days. Harry stuck out his candy-pink tongue and shuffled along in the line. When he'd finished all in a surprisingly short time, Severus' white fingers were still cradling the warm cup.

"What did you get?"

"Cappuccino. It's supposed to be really good," Severus smiled when Harry stepped in front of him and wrapped his arms around him. Harry unzipped his jacket and fumbled around a bit.

"What are you doing?" Severus almost spilled his drink when he felt Harry's warming spell envelope his freezing feet. "What if someone sees you carrying a wand?" he whispered urgently, but Harry had already zipped his jacket back up, a smug smile on his face.

"Can't let you stand here, suffering from the cold, can I?"

"Brat," Severus scowled and carefully sipped his drink.

"Yeah, but I'm your brat," Harry muttered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. A warmth that had nothing to do with the drink or the warming spell spread through Severus. He swallowed his disappointed sigh when Harry pulled back.

Harry licked his lips and eyed the cup. "Can I try?"

Severus nodded and held the cup up to his lips, tilting it a little too far so some of the warm cappuccino trickled down Harry's chin. "Ass!" Harry glared at him as he wiped his face clean.

"Not all of us have experience with feeding -" Severus stopped when Harry slapped his arm playfully.

"You did that on purpose."

Severus pulled his most innocent face. "I would never!"

Severus looked around awkwardly when they entered the men's clothes department and Harry went straight for the underwear section.

"What?" Harry grinned when he saw the look on his friend's face. "This is what I wear," he rolled his eyes and sorted through the form-fitting boxers. Severus eyes unconsciously wandered over Harry's ass and the younger man laughed softly.

"I – I'll wait over there," Severus said uncomfortably, but Harry had already wrapped his arm around his waist.

"Why don't you try them too?"

"Why? What's wrong with my underwear?" Severus' eyes narrowed. He knew Harry had seen his underwear in the long period that he'd been unable to get out of bed.

"There's nothing _wrong_ with your boxers. It only would have been wrong if you wore white briefs. But this is what most _young_ men wear," Harry said teasingly and let his arms slip under Severus' long coat. He put his hands on the older man's ass and squeezed lightly.

"Would you gentlemen like some assistance?" an old man with a very sour face asked them curtly.

"Uhm ... I was trying to find out what size he needs. He's changed a lot recently, you see," Harry said cheekily, withdrawing his hands from Severus' coat quickly. Severus glared angrily at the younger man as the salesman busied himself with the underwear and handed some pairs to Severus.

"The fitting rooms are there," he pointed out, then turned to Harry with a stern look on his face. "You would do well to wait here."

"Yes sir," Harry had troubles concealing his grin when the salesman followed Severus, who stalked to the fitting rooms with tense shoulders.

"I can manage quite well on my own. Thank you very much," he snapped at the old man and threw another icy stare at Harry over his shoulder.

"That was so funny," Harry burst out in a fit of giggles as soon as they got outside.

"That was _not_ funny," Severus said through clenched teeth, yanking his hand back when Harry linked their fingers.

"It would have been even better if they would have let me near the fitting rooms. I would have liked to see ..." Harry let his voice trail off and wiggled his eyebrows, wrapping his arm around Severus' waist. "I guess I'll have to wait, eh?" he added with a cheeky grin when Severus moved the bag to his other hand to grab Harry's hand and prevent him groping his ass again. Severus growled something unintelligible in response, but his insides squirmed nervously when he thought of the combination of Harry and underwear and seeing.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll be a good boy now," Harry laughed happily and withdrew his arm. He quickly linked arms with Severus though when he saw that the other man had troubles with his balance on the snow and ice covered pavement.

"You're not so bad," Severus mumbled, earning him a brilliant smile from his friend.

* Inceptio incertum – _A hesitant beginning_


	6. Chapter 6 Incrementum

VI. Incrementum *

"Are you wearing your new boxers yet?" Harry greeted him the same way every evening after they'd both showered the potion-fumes away. And every evening Severus shook his head and smirked and Harry felt the need to kiss the smirk away.

Severus turned away from the bookcase where he was leafing through one of Harry's books and smiled at the younger man. His breath hitched as Harry's hands came around him and rested on his ass.

"Are you? Wearing your new boxers?" Harry grinned naughtily and for the very first time, Severus leaned in to the touch when Harry gently squeezed his buttocks. Severus bent his head slightly as he caught Harry's lower lip between his teeth and softly sucked on it.

"What if I am?" he whispered to Harry's lips and kissed him deeply. When they pulled back breathless, Harry rested his forehead to Severus'.

"Do you like it?"

"I like this," Severus cupped his face in both hands and kissed him again. This kiss was more intense and passionate, and Harry felt his knees buckle when they finally broke apart. Severus seemed to be affected too, because he wasn't as graceful as usual when he sat down on the couch. Harry sat down on his lap, straddling his legs and bent forward to continue the kiss.

"What are you doing?" Severus mumbled to his lips when he felt the younger man shifting closer to him.

"I'm sitting on your lap," Harry chuckled, his voice slightly husky.

"No, you're straddling –" Severus' breath hitched when Harry trailed kisses along his throat, "... me."

Whenever Harry sat down on Severus' lap, he kept his legs on one side and they were always careful not to let the other feel their arousal. But now Severus felt himself grow hard instantly when Harry's jeans-clad erection pressed to his upper leg.

"Do you mind?" Harry continued pressing his lips to his throat, down his collarbone. Harry started unbuttoning his robes, until Severus lay his hand on top of his to stop him. Harry linked their fingers and raised their arms above Severus' head, continuing the exploration of the older man's skin with his lips. Severus' breath sped up when Harry's mouth trailed across his scars and Harry pulled back slightly.

"Is it unpleasant?" he whispered.

"Not at all," Severus smiled when he opened his eyes and stared right into the emerald ones. He hadn't even noticed that he'd closed his eyes, too preoccupied with the feeling of Harry's warm body to his own. He looked at Harry's face intently as he let his hands wander down and slowly cupped Harry's ass. Harry licked his lips and shifted even closer. Severus mouth opened in a soundless 'ah' when their erections pressed against eachother. Their mouths crashed together in a hungry kiss and Harry ground himself to the other man wantonly. When a violent shudder went through Harry's body, he tensed up and quickly pulled back.

"Dammit," he said softly, his eyes downcast. Severus reached out for his wand and aimed a muttered cleaning spell at Harry's groin. When he discarded his wand, he wrapped his arm around the younger man and pulled him in for a kiss. Harry turned his head away, his cheeks burning in shame. Severus covered his cheek in butterfly kisses, his hands roaming over Harry's back teasingly. When Severus slowly rocked his hips up to Harry's, the younger man pulled back to look at the other man's face. His eyes met the dark brown, lust-filled eyes and he forgot all about his embarrassment when they French kissed.

After a while Harry felt the effect of Severus' bulge persistently pushing up to him. He steadily felt himself harden once again and he met Severus thrusts with his hips, burying his face in the older man's neck as he took in a shuddering breath. Severus swept his tongue across the skin in the exposed neck and felt the younger man draw in another shuddering breath. He let out a hoarse chuckle as his mouth latched on to the tender skin and he sucked on it forcefully. They shared a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss when their thrusting picked up in pace, Severus' hips moving up frantically. His head fell back to the couch and his body tensed up as he spilled himself inside his robes. Harry rocked against him a bit longer and a low grunt escaped his lips when Severus squeezed his ass and he felt his release wash over him.

Harry slumped forward in Severus' arms, their pounding hearts gradually slowing down. He pushed himself backwards reluctantly when he felt the uncomfortable wet spot in his pants. Severus muttered the cleaning spell at him once again, then at himself.

"Thanks," Harry leaned back in his embrace and closed his eyes, his cheek softly rubbing against the scars on Severus' collarbone. "I like you Sev."

"I kind of like you too Harry," he teased, rubbing his hand over Harry's thigh.

"Am I your boyfriend Sev?" Harry whispered sleepily, many quiet minutes later.

"You're not my girlfriend, that's for sure. Unless there's something seriously wrong with your anatomy," Severus whispered in his hair. Harry chuckled and slapped his arm lazily.

"Yes you are, Harry."

"Good," Harry mumbled and snuggled up to him, his lips brushing the side of Severus' jaw.

Severus smiled and listened to the younger man's slow breathing. "You're not falling asleep on me, are you?"

"Yes I am," Harry nodded. Severus placed his hands high in Harry's waist and pushed him backwards carefully. Harry whispered an objection, but when he opened his eyes and found himself nose-to-nose with the other man, he smiled sleepily. "Hi."

"Get up," Severus gently nudged him.

"It doesn't work that way. It doesn't get up if you tell it to," Harry's eyes strayed down to his groin, a mischievous look on his face. Severus blushed at the naughty comment, then laughed quietly.

"I take it you're awake?"

"Kind of," Harry climbed off his lap and stretched himself languidly. Severus' eyes fixed on Harry's stomach as his shirt ran up, showing off a small strip of naked skin.

"Like what you see?"

Severus' eyes snapped up at the teasing question and in one fluent motion he was standing and pulled the younger man in his arms. All breath was knocked out of Harry as their bodies slammed flush together and he grinned.

"Insolent brat," Severus groaned.

"But I'm _your_ insolent brat. Good night Sev," Harry grinned and kissed him briefly.

"Good night, brat."

)-(

"Harry?" Ron called out loudly when he stepped out of the Floo and proceeded straight to the kitchen when he didn't see his friend. He pulled up short in the doorway when he found his best friend leaning over a guy, kissing him on the lips.

"Bloody hell Harry! I knew you were into blokes, but you could have warned me you got a boyfriend!"

Harry quickly straightened up and turned around. "Hey Ron! You're, uhm, early," he grinned broadly and hugged the redhead. Ron curiously peered over his shoulder at the man who was sitting at the kitchen table. Severus frowned slightly. Harry being his boyfriend was one thing, but being _called_ a boyfriend was something different.

"Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger," Severus inclined his head when Hermione joined them. Harry hugged his other friend just as enthusiastic.

"Boyfriend? Did I hear that right?" she whispered at Harry, who nodded and grinned broadly.

"Bloody hell! He sounds just like Snape," Ron said in a carrying whisper. Severus just smirked and Hermione stared at him intently.

"It _is_ him," she elbowed Ron. The redhead looked at her stupidly, then rolled his eyes at Harry.

"Remember the potion we developed?" Harry tried to hold in his laughter.

"It made you look _younger_," Hermione said awed, her eyes still on Snape.

"I told you so!" Harry called out. "You didn't believe me?"

"Well, yes of course I believed you, but I didn't think the change would be this – drastic."

"Who – what? You're _Snape_?" Ron said unbelievingly, his eyes shooting from his girlfriend, to Harry, to Severus. He tried to process the fact that this young man was his hated Potions Professor. And that he'd seen Harry ... _kissing_ ... that same person. A shudder ran down his spine.

"Ah, I think he caught on," Severus drawled, seeing the disgust on Ron's face.

"Uhm, nice to see you again Professor," Hermione hesitantly stepped forward.

"The new identity will work, don't you think?" Harry looked at her expectantly. He'd discussed all plans with his two friends, but obviously they hadn't even started to imagine what Severus looked like right now. She nodded slowly, still unable to tear her eyes away from the older man. "Then I think you should introduce yourself Sev," Harry grinned and poked his boyfriend's arm.

"Sevon Prince," Severus stood up elegantly and shook hands with Hermione.

"Prince, I understand. But Sevon?"

"I call him Sev. And since he obviously can't keep the name 'Severus', we found another name that starts with 'Sev'. Too obvious?" Harry said anxiously.

"No, no. We know who he is, and I still can't believe it. Nobody will suspect anything. The change really is remarkable, Professor," she turned back to Severus.

"You can't call him Professor," Harry chuckled and she flushed slightly.

"Sevon. Well, then you should call me Hermione too, shouldn't you?"

Severus smirked. "I think I can handle that. Sevon Prince. Pleasure to meet you," he turned to Ron and shook his hand, squeezing a bit too hard. Ron grumbled something unintelligible and Harry clapped his friend on his back.

"You'll get used to it, mate. Seriously, he's not that bad," Harry lead the way to the living room and chuckled when he felt Severus smack his head lightly.

"Not that bad?"

)-(

"Harry?" Severus opened Harry's bedroom door after he heard a mumbled 'yes'. "What are you doing?"

"Close the door please," Harry said mellow. He was splayed on his back across the bed, his feet towards the wall, his head to the door.

"It's sweltering hot here."

"I know. 'S good," Harry mumbled, his eyes closed relaxed. "'S like a sauna. I put some herbs in the fire."

Severus' eyes raked over the crackling fireplace with colorful flames, then back to Harry. He was only wearing his pajama bottoms, and his skin was glowing, but not really sweating.

"You didn't come downstairs to help me so that you could have a beauty day? Like a spoiled princess?" he said in a teasing tone.

"Hmmm," Harry hummed. "Join me."

Severus hesitated for a moment, then quickly took off his robes and long-sleeved shirt. He stealthily crept over to Harry and kissed him upside-down. Harry kissed him back drowsily and practically purred when Severus placed one hand over his shoulder. Harry lay his hand over Severus' and stroked the back of his hand with his thumb while he turned his head up to ask for another kiss. When Severus' other hand slid over Harry's other shoulder and came to rest on his chest, Harry felt the naked skin of Severus' arm and his eyes fluttered open. He looked up at his boyfriend surprised, he hadn't realized he'd undressed.

"Come on," Harry smiled and patted the space next to him. They shared another blissful kiss before Severus laid down next to him, propped up on one elbow.

"Lie down," Harry pushed his raised shoulder until the other man lay down on his back, stretched out next to him. Harry smiled when he still felt Severus' eyes on him after a few minutes. He turned his head and looked into the dark brown eyes. "I didn't sleep much last night, so I thought I wouldn't be any use in the lab."

"Why don't you come to me next time you can't sleep?" Severus said softly, taking his warm hand and threading their fingers.

"And keep you up so that we'll both be in a bad mood the next day?"

"No, we can both sleep late and be in a good mood the next day," Severus answered.

"Sleep late? The problem was me not being able to sleep," Harry shook his head slowly.

"Just come to me next time, okay?" Severus said a bit annoyed.

Harry shrugged and turned slightly to point his wand at the fireplace. Some more herbs flew into the reddish flames and a heady scent filled the room. Severus closed his eyes and felt himself sink deep into the bed.

"What herbs did you use? I bet it's something addictive," he said, his voice slower than before.

"I only do this twice or three times every year in the Christmas holidays. To get through the winter."

Silence filled the room for several minutes, until Severus said quietly, "Christmas holidays?"

"'S almost Christmas."

"You want to get a Christmas tree?"

Harry opened his eyes and looked at the relaxed face of his boyfriend. "We're invited to The Burrow for Christmas."

"We?"

"Yes, we. I'm not going there without you."

"You sure that I'm invited?"

"I'm sure that Sevon Prince is invited," Harry smiled as the dark eyes fluttered open. "It will be a nice rehearsal for your new identity. Hermione will be there to cover up all mistakes."

Severus closed his eyes and fell back into his relaxed feeling. "You waited to tell me this, didn't you?" he said after a long time.

"I kinda hoped I could tell you this here, yeah," Harry admitted, checking the color of the fire. The herbs were almost burned out and the heady scent was disappearing. Harry's head cleared a little and his eyes swerved over the other man's body spread out next to him. Severus was only wearing his boxers. And looking extremely appealing. Harry quietly rolled over and placed one knee between Severus' legs, hovering over him.

"What are you doing?" Severus' haze obviously wasn't clearing up yet and Harry chuckled softly.

"I'm going to kiss you."

"Mmm that's good." The older man's lips curled up in a smile and Harry locked their mouths together in a loving kiss. Harry lowered himself onto the other man as Severus' arms came round him and stroked his back and shoulder blades. Severus' lips parted as he reveled in the feeling of all the skin-to-skin contact and he stared into the lustful green eyes.

"I thought you were here to relax," he teased the younger man.

"And now I'm feeling hot," Harry teased back, his fingers running up and down Severus' sides.

"Are you, now?"

"Hmmm," Harry nuzzled his neck, burying his nose in the silky black hair. "Can't you feel it?"

Severus almost laughed, but then felt the erection pressing into his hip. And Harry's thigh pressing into his own hard-on. A soft moan escaped his lips when Harry kissed him deeply and ground his body to his at the same time. Within minutes they were both panting and sweating, their hands roaming over the naked skin and mouths latching on to whatever part of the face and neck they could reach.

Harry's head snapped backwards as he tensed up and climaxed. When his muscles unlocked, he kissed Severus deeply and met the rapid thrusts of his hips to get him his so-needed release. Severus grunted deep in his throat as his semen splattered on the inside of his boxers.

After a few minutes of contented silence in eachother's arms, Harry reached for his wand and cleaned the quickly cooling stains on their underwear. He pulled the sheets over both of them and snuggled up next to Severus.

"Don't fall asleep Harry. It's the middle of the afternoon," Severus softly said, kissing his cheek and pulling him a bit closer in his embrace.

"Just let me take a nap Sev," Harry mumbled, already drifting off to sleep. Severus smiled tenderly as he looked at the young man in his arms.

"You're one of a kind, Harry Potter," he whispered to the sleeping man. "You're stubborn and somehow you usually get me to do the things you want, but I think I'm falling in love with you anyway."

)-(  
><span>

"Merry Christmas Harry!" Molly Weasley practically pulled him inside the house and hugged him tightly.

"Merry Christmas Mrs. Weasley," Harry said choked, then stepped back. "This is my friend Sevon."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Weasley and merry Christmas," Severus smiled at her politely and shook her hand.

"Harry!" Hermione squealed and everybody exchanged their Christmas wishes with Harry and Severus. Harry hadn't seen the Weasleys for a long time and he got dragged everywhere to talk to all family members. Severus watched it all, a smile playing around his lips. He'd never particularly liked the redheads, but seeing how they'd accepted Harry into their family made him like them a lot more all of a sudden. And as long as Harry was having a good time, he'd endure it all. Although there wasn't much to endure, as all the gathered family members came up to him to make some small talk, and quite pleasant. They weren't as uncivilized and overly curious as Severus had feared and he didn't have much problems with keeping the story of his new identity.

"Harry? You coming to play some Quidditch?" George called at him, and Harry's face lit up.

"Of course!" he grinned, then came over to Severus. "You coming too?"

"Oh I'm not going to play _Quidditch_," the older man shook his head.

"Then at least come and watch? Please?"

Severus' practically melted when he saw the begging look in his emerald eyes and nodded. "I'll be there in a minute," he smiled and waved Harry to go on when he saw Charlie looking at him from a distance. He'd known Charlie for his many pranks, he had almost been as bad as the twins. But now that Fred was gone, Severus suspected that Charlie turned out to be the worst of them all. Much to Severus' surprise, Charlie didn't follow Harry, but he advanced on him. He tensed up, ready to expect anything from the older redhead, but after a few minutes of polite chatting he relaxed. It was possible that he wasn't up to anything, right?

"So, I heard from Harry that you got a dragon sent to you by their Gamekeeper?"

"Yeah, Norbert. That little dragon actually turned out to be a female, and a rather vicious one," Charlie sniggered. "But she does have a soft spot for some humans though, probably because she was raised by Hagrid. Not that that is of any use."

Severus quirked his eyebrow at the chuckling man and Charlie continued. "It's not so nice either when she likes you. You see, when she's got her claws on you, she won't let you go," Charlie's hand gripped Severus' thigh and squeezed. Severus tensed up immediately, he suddenly had an idea why Charlie had been watching him and Harry. Severus' eyes narrowed as he looked into the twinkling blue eyes and he pointedly looked down at Charlie's hand on his leg. Charlie winked at him and squeezed softly before he let go. The withdrawing of his hand went in slow-motion and felt suspiciously like a caress.

"I'm going outside to watch the Quidditch match," Severus said curtly and stood up.

"Yeah, they're waiting for me," Charlie grinned unconcerned and followed him outside after donning his coat. "This way," he pointed up a small path through the trees. Severus quietly groaned, if he had known that they'd have to walk through a patch of deserted forest, he would have stayed inside. At least the senior Weasleys were there so that Charlie would behave.

"You wanna come and see the dragons some time? I'm betting you're quite good at handling my dragon," Charlie wrapped his arm around Severus' shoulders, but he immediately shrugged him off.

"No thank you," Severus said through clenched teeth, then looked sideways at the open expression on the redhead's face. "I'm with Harry, you know."

"Well, Harry is most welcome to join. You know, I've always suspected that Harry might be gay, but then he got together with Gin a few years ago ... He swings both ways then?" Charlie's hand came round Severus' waist and before he knew what happened, Severus' wand was pointed at Charlie.

"Keep your hands off me," he snarled.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You're smitten with Harry. Sorry," Charlie held his hands up in surrender, then turned and walked the last bit to their small Quidditch pitch. Severus' eyes followed him all the way. The redhead didn't even seemed bothered by what had just happened!

Harry grinned broadly and waved at Severus when he eventually emerged from the trees. Ginny took the opportunity to accidentally fly into him and speeded after the Snitch when Harry scowled and scrambled upright. "You're going down Ginny!" he yelled and flew after her. When they finally ceased their battle for the tiny fluttering ball, they all took a break.

Harry sat down next to Severus, their shoulders touching.

"You know, I think you'd be a brilliant Chaser. I know you're a great flyer."

Severus looked at the younger man sideways and saw a smile tugging on the corners of Harry's mouth. "You think you can flatter me into playing?"

"I'm hoping so. We don't have even numbers now, and if you join my team, I'm sure we'll win. Even if Ginny keeps on cheating," Harry grinned.

"Why do you want me to play so badly?"

"Because I want you to see how much fun it is to play with friends," Harry muttered, taking his hand and looking at their laced fingers.

"Friends?" Severus asked softly.

"Yeah. They all like you, you know. Well Ron doesn't exactly, but at least he's not scared of you anymore," Harry said with an impish grin.

"He isn't? Do I get to play against him?"

Harry sniggered. "You're gonna terrify him, aren't you?"

"Can I?" Severus looked into the shining green eyes and kissed him softly on the lips. They quickly parted when they heard catcalls and whistles from the pitch. Harry jumped on his broom and grabbed Bill's chaser bat to follow George around and beat every inch of his back and shoulders that he could reach. George was laughing so hard that he almost fell off his broom and was rescued by Ginny.

"Why don't you take on Charlie? He started!" George hiccupped.

Harry laughed and balanced on his broom relaxed. "He's too big for me," he grinned eventually. "Come on, we've got to change the teams, Sev's joining us. And he's Chaser in my team," Harry smiled as his boyfriend soared towards them.

Severus grinned evilly and Harry snickered when Ron gave a loud groan.

"What? You two have a history or something?" Bill looked from his youngest brother to Severus.

"You could say that," Ron growled and glared at the dark-haired man.

"Don't worry, I am rather good at healing spells," Severus sneered and got in position. Although he had never played Quidditch, he had sat through enough games at Hogwarts to know all Slytherin tactics. And he wasn't going to lose his first match.

"Quite a game, eh?" Charlie smiled at Harry when he helped him put away all the brooms. Harry nodded and they discussed the match for a while, then walked back towards the house.

"So, you and Sevon?"

"Uhm, yeah," Harry grinned awkwardly.

"When did you tell mum and dad that you're gay? They didn't seem too surprised, so I guess they knew?"

Harry shrugged. "I never told them, but I guess Ron let it slip. Not that it was a secret or anything."

"Hmmm, the easy way," Charlie stared off in the distance.

"Why are you asking?" Harry eyed him curiously. "Are you -"

"Yeah. Everybody knows, except mum and dad. And Percy probably, but that's just because he's such a dickhead," Charlie laughed.

"You could just bring a friend next time?"

"Well, it's not easy to bring them along from Romania, is it? I thought I could clue them in with Sevon, but I didn't know you two were -"

Harry cut him off. "You did WHAT!"

"I didn't exactly _do_ anything. I just flirted –"

"You _flirted_ with _my _boyfriend?" Harry snarled, his eyes shooting daggers.

"Well I didn't know that he's your boyfriend. I thought you two were just -"

Again, Harry cut him off, his voice getting louder. "You didn't _know_? Why did you think I brought him along for a family gathering at Christmas? Because he's just a nice neighbor or something?"

"I'm sorry Harry. I didn't mean to ... anyway, he made it quite clear that -"

"What did he do? What did _you_ do that he had to make things clear?" Harry said, trembling with rage. The mere idea that someone was interested in his boyfriend, had hit on his boyfriend, made him more angry and jealous than he'd ever imagined. "Never mind, I don't want to know," he hissed and stormed inside the house.

In the meantime, Severus had followed the other Weasleys back to the house right after the match. "Where's Harry?" he looked around when he realized he was missing.

"Probably cleaning up with Charlie," Bill shrugged his shoulders unconcerned. Severus felt his blood boiling at the idea that his boyfriend was with that insolent man and he turned on the spot to get back out of the house, his cloak flapping around his ankles.

"You remind me of zat 'orrible teacher Snape," Fleur stepped in his way, giving him a scrutinizing look.

"Fleur," Bill protested half-heartedly, but gave Severus a once-over too.

"That is quite possible, since that horrible teacher was Sevon's uncle," Ron commented. Hermione bit the inside of her cheek not to laugh at the insulted expression on Severus' face.

"Have some pie," Molly smiled at Severus and made him sit down in the living room away from the others, shoving a plate in his hands. "You look a bit peaky. Usually it's Harry, but his house-elf is taking good care of him, I see."

"Yes, Kreacher is a good cook. I have been bedridden for a long time," Severus answered honestly. "But thanks to Harry I'm doing much better now."

"Why exactly are you with Harry? He is like a son to me, and I do not want to see him hurt or harmed." The woman suddenly had a dangerous look in her eyes.

"I can assure you that I have absolutely no intention to harm or hurt Harry. I care about him deeply."

"You care about his fame?" she said with narrowed eyes.

"No. Even less than he does. And no, it's not his money either," Severus met her stare defiantly.

"What makes you like him so much?"

"Is he not likable?"

"Why don't you answer the question?" she asked suspiciously.

"Why I like Harry is private."

"What did you do to earn his trust?"

"That is between Harry and me."

"You are giving me every reason to mistrust you, Sevon."

"Harry seems to trust me, and you should trust his judgment. I do not share my feelings with anyone," Severus said in a menacing tone.

"He has been through a lot in the past. I hope you realize that."

"Believe me, I know all about it."

She snorted. "You can't possibly know _all_. For his sake, I hope you deserve to be with him."

"I don't know if I _deserve_ it, but I do know all about his past. Harry and I go a long way back, Molly!" Severus said in his slow, intimidating voice. Harry chose that moment to join them, shaking in anger from what Charlie had just told him. He sat down and grabbed Severus' hand tightly, but the older man only squeezed him back and kept glaring at Mrs. Weasley. Harry's head swung from his boyfriend to his surrogate-mother and back alarmed. "You're not fighting, are you?" he said in a worried voice.

The woman stared at Severus, then clapped her hand in front of her mouth in shock. "You –" she pointed at him with a shaking hand. "Fleur was right. You _are_ Severus Snape!"

"Mum!" Ron and Hermione were suddenly on her side. "Shut up!" Ron said in an urgent whisper when they led her to the kitchen.

"Damned. I knew it was a bad idea to come here," Severus muttered, looking after them.

"They can keep a secret," Harry whispered back, checking if nobody else had seen what just happened. Luckily everybody was gathered around Percy and Bill who were in the middle of a chess game. "Let's go outside," Harry said softly, suddenly feeling the need to be alone with his boyfriend.

When they entered the peaceful silence of the snow-covered garden, Harry took a deep breath. Severus pulled him into his arms and looked into the green eyes. "What was wrong when you came in?"

"Charlie," Harry sighed.

"What did he do?" Severus' temper flared up and Harry felt his arms tighten around his waist.

"He hit on you!"

"Oh. I thought he tried something on you too."

Harry shuddered. "No, he's like a brother to me. He wouldn't. What did you do to him?"

"I told him I'm with you, and I asked him in a polite way to keep his hands off me."

Harry snorted. "I bet you did. He did apologize though, said he didn't know that we were together."

"What did he think? That you brought me along as a snack?"

Harry burst out in giggles. "A snack? Where did you get that word from?"

"I read your books," Severus smiled amused. "Why? What's wrong with the word? I knew I shouldn't try to talk like _young_ people do."

"You already do, Sev," Harry sniggered. "But don't try to use words like that. It doesn't suit you."

"I thought it applied to you though. You're quite tasty," Severus let his hands travel a bit lower and cupped Harry's ass. Harry gave him a cheeky smile and leant in to him when they locked their lips in a sweet kiss.

Harry was the first one to pull back, and he looked into the brown eyes thoughtful. "What happened with Mrs. Weasley?"

"Molly thought -" Severus' voice faltered and he swallowed thickly.

"What?" Harry stroked his cheek and put his finger under the older man's chin to make him look at him.

"She wanted to know why we're together. She thinks I don't deserve you." The last words came out in a whisper.

"That is ridiculous!" Harry kissed him passionately. "You're the only one in the world who could possibly understand me and put up with me and my nightmares and my bad moods. And besides that, I think you're extremely attractive. Irresistible, actually," Harry pressed another heated kiss to his lips, wrapping his arms around Severus' neck. "You should tell her that."

"All of that?" Severus mumbled to his lips.

"You can leave off the last part," Harry grinned. "Besides, now that she knows who you are ... her opinion might have changed."

"She will think that I'm some old -"

"Pervert?" Harry finished his sentence. "That, you are."

Severus pulled back insulted, but then he saw the mischievous look on Harry's face. "Insolent brat," he muttered.

"Your brat, remember?" Harry pushed himself closer to the other man and kissed him deeply. Severus sighed in pleasure when their tongues encircled eachother, teasing and loving at the same time.

"Let's go inside, I'm hungry," Harry mumbled to his lips when they broke apart. Severus gave him an intent look. "For food. Dinner," Harry burst out laughing when he realized what his boyfriend must be thinking.

"Oh. Yes we should probably go back," Severus laughed loudly when he heard Harry's contagious laughter and he laced their fingers as they went back inside.

"Don't worry, we'll have dessert at home," Harry whispered just before they stepped in the living room. Before Severus had the chance to react, Bill cleared his throat.

"Uhm, guys? Next time you find some snogging place in the garden, don't do it in full view of the house, will you?"

Harry and Severus' heads turned to the window and found most of the Weasley family gathered there, with a clear view of the garden they had just vacated. Severus' cheeks flushed, but Harry grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, at least it's clear to Charlie now that we're together, eh?"

"Oh no you didn't," Bill groaned and thumped Charlie's shoulder, knowing full well that his brother had hit on Sevon earlier in the afternoon. George and Ron roared with laughter when they realized what must have happened, soon joined by Fleur, Hermione and Ginny's giggles.

Harry grinned at Charlie, nudging his head at the two elder Weasleys and Percy who now finally understood that the dragon-keeper was gay. "And problem solved."

)-(

Severus followed the noise downstairs to the kitchen the next morning.

"Good morning," Harry said happily over his shoulder from where he was stretching to reach for something in the high cupboard.

"Good morning," Severus grabbed his waist and kissed his neck, just below his ear. When Severus went to sit at the kitchen table, Harry stretched on his toes again.

"Are you a wizard, or what?" Severus said amused, watching the lean pajama-clad body.

"Right," Harry grinned and turned around. Only now he saw that the older man hadn't dressed yet either, he was only wearing his boxers and a t-shirt. He turned back to the cupboard and took his wand from where it was tucked in behind the waistband of his boxers. His pajama bottoms slid down his hips a little in the process. Accidentally of course.

When he finally retrieved the bowl he wanted, he turned around at Severus, to find him staring at him openly. Staring at his hips, to be exact.

"What?" Harry advanced on him slowly, setting the bowl down.

Severus swallowed. "I somehow always pictured them black."

"You don't like this color?" Harry said teasingly, hooking his thumb behind the waistband of his boxers.

"No, I like it. So Slytherin of you," Severus whispered when Harry sat down on his lap, straddling his legs.

"Oh really? Is this the Slytherin green?" Harry looked at him with innocent, big eyes.

"Too much Harry. You're not that innocent, and we both know it," Severus growled and kissed him deeply. Within minutes they were grinding their erections together and Harry looked at him breathless when he pulled back.

"Since I'm not _that_ innocent, as you say, you ... uhm ... want to claim last night's dessert?"

Severus felt his insides squirm nervously at Harry's suggestion. "I was just too tired last night, all those Weasleys wore me out."

"Me too, but please, don't ruin the mood by talking about the Weasleys," Harry grinned and trailed kisses along his jaw, to his ear. "You think breakfast can wait?"

"Breakfast can definitely wait," Severus whispered back, tilting his head a little to give his boyfriend better access. He shivered in anticipation when Harry stood up and held out his hands. He grabbed them both and claimed his mouth in a passionate kiss as they made their way out of the kitchen and to the stairs. Severus stared at Harry's ass appreciatively when he followed him up.

"Sev?" Harry turned around and looked down in the dark eyes from one step higher.

"Yes?" Severus wrapped his arms around him, his chin resting to Harry's chest as he looked up.

"I'm in love with you."

"Really? That's nice."

"You git!" Harry smiled and leaned down to kiss him. "You could say it back, you know. I know you're in love with me too."

"You do?"

"I heard you say it. Next time, you should wait a few minutes longer until I'm really asleep before you start confessing your feelings for me," Harry smiled tenderly as he saw his boyfriend's cheeks flush. "Come on."

When they entered Harry's bedroom, Harry wrapped his arms around the taller man's neck and kissed him deeply. "So, you were interested in the color of my boxers?" he said cheekily when they eventually broke apart. Severus grunted something unintelligible and pushed him down on the bed. Within minutes Harry had lost his pajamas and Severus his t-shirt.

Harry held his breath when for the very first time, he let his eyes roam over Severus' almost-naked body. Last time, they'd been all mellow from the herbs in the fire and they'd just rutted against eachother to get off as quickly as possible. His fingers traced the older man's collarbone and ribs, dipped into his bellybutton and brushed through the small trail of hair that disappeared behind his waistband. Both his hands moved over the hips and down his muscular thighs until a shiver ran through Severus' body. Harry's eyes snapped up and found Severus staring at him breathless.

"You're so beautiful, Sev," Harry whispered awed and moved his hands higher to stroke his broad chest again. Severus let his breath escape in half a snort, half a moan. He'd been scared that Harry suddenly wouldn't want him anymore if he saw all of him, all of his unattractive, old body.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Harry whispered and leaned down to kiss him softly on the lips. "But you are! You ... are ... so ... _perfect_ to me," Harry emphasized every word with a kiss down his throat.

"You must be delusional," Severus mumbled, arching his back in pleasure when Harry reached his nipple and sucked on it experimentally.

"If I'm saying things like this when I'm delusional, you'd better enjoy it as long as it lasts," Harry grinned up at him. Severus' answer got lost in his moan when Harry assaulted his other nipple, sucking on it like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted. Severus wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him up, then rolled them both over. Harry looked up at him with big eyes, his pupils dilated in arousal.

"You're the beautiful one here," Severus said in a husky voice when his lips followed every angle, curve and muscle on Harry's body. Harry squirmed, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment when Severus' eyes took him in so intently. "Self-esteem issues?" Severus mumbled when he claimed Harry's mouth in a loving kiss. "We'll work on that."

As Severus went on kissing and mapping his body, Harry's back arched and his hips bucked up when he found out where Harry's sensitive spots were. A breathless moan escaped Harry's lips when Severus' hands cupped his ass and he shuddered as he suddenly came, a wet stain forming on the front of his boxers. Severus went on kissing his chest, until Harry whimpered and pushed him away.

"Shhht," Severus smiled and pushed him back down on the bed. He reached for his wand and cleaned Harry up, then gathered him in his arms. "Why are you so embarrassed?" he said softly and brushed his hand through Harry's messy hair. "You're a young man, you have more stamina than me. And I think it's ... well at least it shows that you really are ..." Severus swallowed and his last words were barely audible, "... attracted to me."

Harry's head snapped up at this admission, and he kissed Severus passionately, all embarrassment forgotten. "You _are_ attractive. I don't know what you used to look like, but right now you're ... perfect," Harry said strongly.

"I believe that you see me like that," Severus said, after looking into the green eyes intently.

"Will anything ever go normal with us?" Harry sighed.

"Not likely," Severus smiled softly and kissed the top of Harry's head when he snuggled into his arms. "But who's to say what's normal?"

"That's true," Harry admitted, looking up at him. Severus put his hand on Harry's cheek and gently kissed him. When he moved his hand and ghosted it over the back of Harry's neck, the younger man shivered.

"You don't like that, do you?" Severus pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and withdrew his hand. Harry's hand shot up and stilled him and they stared into eachother's eyes.

"I don't know if I like that. All I know, is that I don't like it if you grab my neck," Harry said in a hoarse voice that had nothing to do with excitement.

"Will you tell me if I do anything that is unpleasant to you?" Severus waited for Harry to nod, then gently nudged him. "Turn around, I want to try something."

Severus remembered how he'd kissed Harry in his neck to wish him a good morning, and Harry had leaned in to his touch. When Harry laid down on his stomach, Severus moved next to him and wrapped his arm around his waist comfortingly, his other hand linked with Harry's nearest hand. He trailed kisses all over Harry's spine, shoulders, and just below his ears. When Harry moved into his touch, writhing in pleasure at the teasing and tickling caresses, Severus softly trailed kisses closer to his neck. Harry tensed up a little when he reached the middle of his neck, then relaxed when he realized that Severus' hands were still on his waist and linked with his own hand. When Severus kissed him again, he actually moved into the touch, arching up slightly. He turned his head and claimed the older man's mouth in a hungry kiss. Without breaking contact, Harry turned onto his back and pulled his boyfriend half on top of himself. Severus' breath hitched when he felt Harry's newborn erection press into his thigh and Harry's hands roaming over his back. He ground his hips to the younger man, suddenly remembering his own need.

Severus mouth hungrily claimed Harry's when he felt the younger man's hands hesitantly creep down and cup his ass inside his boxers. Severus moaned at the feel of the gentle, but callused hands on his flesh and pushed himself harder into the other man. Harry took that as an encouragement and started peeling the black fabric down inch by inch. When it slid down to his thighs, Severus wriggled out of them the rest of the way, then turned to his boyfriend. Harry blushed when he lifted his hips up to let the older man undress him and felt Severus' precum smearing on his belly when their bodies connected. Severus cupped Harry's face in both his hands as he kissed him tenderly, their groins sliding together as they shifted slightly so that they were both on their sides. Severus concentrated on keeping on breathing when Harry's hand crept down between them. Harry bit his lower lip as he shyly wrapped his fingers around Severus' engorged flesh and carefully moved his hand up and down. Severus' hips instantly bucked forward, thrusting into his hand more forceful. Severus' eyes opened when he felt Harry's eyes on him and he gasped for air when the full force of those emerald green eyes gripped him.

"So good," he groaned, capturing Harry's lower lip softly to erase the tooth prints. Harry moved more confident now, grinding his own erection to Severus' hip insistently. Severus' hand joined Harry's and wrapped around both their cocks at the same time. Harry's breath came in gasps when Severus touched them both with short, violent strokes. They shared a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss when Severus cummed right over his hand and their joined bodies. His pace didn't falter as he stroked Harry to an orgasm, coating them once more in the white stickiness.

They both fell back relaxed, their heartbeats gradually slowing down. They lay together a little longer, snuggled together in comfortable silence. Severus kissed Harry softly. "I'm going to take a shower and get dressed, and then I'll make breakfast."

Harry's stomach took that as a sign and growled loudly. Harry grinned embarrassed when they both heard it and Severus quickly grabbed his boxers and put them on. He bent down over Harry and kissed him just below his ear, having discovered that that's one of his favorite spots. "I'll see you downstairs."

* Incrementum - _Growth_


	7. Chapter 7 Molestia

VII. Molestia *

"So, how are you doing Harry?" Charlie grinned at him when they sat down at the bar. "How come your boyfriend isn't here?"

"Sev –" Harry stopped himself just in time from saying 'Severus', "... Sevon didn't want to come, said I had to go out with my friends alone," Harry grumbled, not at all pleased with it.

"Have you ever been out in public with him?"

"Yes of course!"

"Without glamour I mean," Charlie looked around at all the people staring at Harry. Since Ron, Hermione and George were at the club with them, it was no use giving Harry a glamour.

"Oh. No," Harry shook his head and sipped his drink. Huh, is that why Severus didn't want to come? Not ready to come out as the Big Glorious Hero's boyfriend? Harry rolled his eyes at the thought, not able to think of all the titles they gave him without a heavy dose of sarcasm.

"Come and dance. You did come out here to have fun, didn't you?" Charlie shook him out of his thoughts.

"Harry! Charlie!" They both turned around at the enthusiastic exclamation.

"Oliver?" Harry said incredulous.

"Wood! Long time no see!" Charlie grinned broadly and pulled the Quidditch player in for a hug. Oliver and Charlie played in the Gryffindor team together for a while and they'd always gotten along great. When Oliver turned to Harry, he pulled him into a rib-cracking hug too.

"I was just about to go to another club when I ran into George and he told me you two were here too!" Oliver exclaimed, excited to see his old friends.

"Other club?" Charlie said interested.

"Uh-huh. The dancing here's not for me," Oliver wrinkled his nose, looking at all the couples on the dance floor, then winked at Charlie.

"Right! You know a good gay club then?" the red-head smiled cheekily. "I bet Harry will come with us too."

"A – what? Gay club? I can't –" Harry spluttered and looked at Oliver perplexed. "You're gay?"

"Of course you can come with us! And you didn't know that Wood ... well I guess nobody of us came out while at Hogwarts, eh?" Charlie grinned. "Would have been too awkward in the Quidditch changing rooms."

"Oi! You cheeky bastard! I bet you must have –" Oliver called out, but he got cut off by Charlie.

"And you've never checked anyone out?"

"'Course I have! Especially Harry's ass is – quite nice. Although today's the first time I hear that you're gay?" Oliver first winked at Charlie, then turned to Harry with a more serious face.

"I guess I never knew, was too busy with other things. Surviving and stuff like that," Harry quickly downed another drink. He knew he'd have to be at least buzzed before even daring to go to a gay club with them.

Oliver and Charlie turned out to be quite persuasive, and they went to tell the others where they were going. Hermione grabbed Charlie's arm, pulling a face quite resembling Mrs. Weasley. "You'll be responsible for Harry now, Charlie. Drop him off at home, or take him back to the Burrow."

"Yes mum," Charlie saluted her and quickly ushered Harry and Oliver to the exit before she could gain steam.

In the new club, Harry headed straight for the bar. After a few drinks, and after looking carefully at all the moves of the people on the dance floor, he decided that he'd have _one_ more drink, and then he'd dance too. Charlie and Oliver had wrapped themselves around other men already, leaving Harry only after he insisted that he was perfectly fine.

After the final drink, Harry slid off his barstool and slowly, but purposely made his way over to the dance floor. He was vaguely aware of all the eyes on him, and hands stroking his arms and back as he felt the deep bass of the music thrum deep within his body. As he got surrounded by gyrating bodies and stroboscopic light, he didn't have to think how to move. His body moved on his own, moved to the music and to the people surrounding him. He ground his body to the ones grinding to him, he ran his hands over the ones running their hands over him. His mind was buzzing, his skin tingling and his blood boiling.

When someone pushed up against him, hard-on pressing into the small of his back, Harry pushed back. He realized that he was hard too. Painfully hard, and more horny than he'd ever felt before. So he didn't protest when the man behind him slid his arm around him and cupped his erection. A hot, wet tongue dipped into his ear and disappeared before Harry could move into the touch.

A soft bite to his other earlobe made him whimper, inaudible to anyone but his assaulter because of the loud music. "Like that?"

Harry moaned when the hand cupping him, squeezed briefly and he nodded his head. He groaned when the hard-on to his back disappeared together with the hands and the mouth, but then he grinned happily when he felt a hand gripping his. He followed the tall, lean man through the crowd.

Harry's back slammed into the wall and he felt his mouth being covered with hot, demanding lips. He opened up to the probing tongue and the kiss deepened. The hungry kisses were accompanied by roaming hands and Harry felt his shirt being opened. Fingers travelled over his naked chest, pinching his nipples painfully. Harry pulled off the other man's shirt and started on the button of his pants and eventually managed to pull the zipper down as they fell onto the bed. Harry's jeans opened much quicker and were pushed down to just below his ass, his raging hard-on springing free. His eyes snapped shut when wet heat engulfed his erection, electric pulses shooting all through his body. His hands fisted the sheets as he tried to stop himself from bucking up into the other man's mouth. One small tug on his balls sent him right over the edge, shooting his seed down the other man's throat as he cried out in ecstasy.

"HARRY! What the hell!"

Harry's head slowly turned towards the forced door at the angry man. "Charlie?" his mind slowly remembered the red-head's name.

"What the fucking hell? Get out of here! NOW!"

Harry's playmate grabbed his shirt in haste and ran from the room, just barely dodging the fuming dragon-keeper.

"Drink this," Charlie held something to Harry's lips and forced his head back a little, tipping it into Harry's mouth that opened in an indignant protest. Harry swallowed convulsively as Charlie held his wand to his throat, forcing all of the liquid down. Within seconds a nasty feeling spread through Harry and his head cleared. His eyes travelled around the room, not recognizing anything and not even remembering how he got here. When his eyes fell on Charlie's angry, but at the same time worried face, Harry's mind reeled. His eyes shot down and he clasped his hands over his exposed prick.

"Get dressed," Charlie said in an uncharacteristic low tone and turned his back on Harry. Harry quickly pulled up his pants and closed his clothes after casting a quick 'scourgify'.

"I'll take you home."

Harry nodded and grasped Charlie's offered fore-arm. They Apparated just outside Grimmauld Place.

"Charlie, I don't – don't know why – how – what happened. Don't even know who that was," Harry hung his head in shame. "Don't know why I did that. Went with him."

"You don't have to answer to me, Harry. I won't say a word to anyone, it's all on you who you decide to tell this."

"What did you give me? A potion or something?"

"Yes. A sobering potion. Go home Harry."

"I'm sorry Charlie. I'm – not like that," Harry mumbled when Charlie turned away from him. When he climbed the stairs to No. 12 and opened the front door, he saw the redhead turn on the spot and disappear.

)-(

When Harry entered the kitchen the next morning, Severus was sitting at the table, his breakfast already finished.

"Morning," Severus smiled and looked up from the newspaper, his smile freezing on his lips when he saw Harry. "What's wrong?"

Harry looked a right mess, and he knew it. He'd been awake for hours, debating whether he should wake Severus up right away and confess everything, or wait until the morning. He'd decided to wait, but he'd only fallen asleep somewhere close to dawn. He'd had about two hours of fitful sleep, haunted by memories of the night at the club and images of what Severus would do when he confessed what had happened.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Severus was on his side instantly when Harry sagged into the closest chair. When he put his hands on Harry's shoulders, the younger man flinched and his eyes squeezed shut.

"I – there's something I have to tell you," Harry's voice trembled. Severus' breath caught in his throat as he withdrew his hands and sat down opposite the other man. He could feel in his gut that there was something really wrong. The fact that Harry wouldn't meet his eyes, confirmed it.

"Then tell me." Severus' tone came out harsh, causing Harry to flinch once again.

"Last night ... I don't know how it happened. I guess I drank too much. I – I ..." Harry swallowed hard. "I cheated on you. With another man."

"You did what!" Severus' voice was lower than Harry had ever heard it.

"I – we kissed and he gave me a blow-job – and – and then we got interrupted and someone gave me a sobering potion and the guy ran off. I don't even know –." Harry's head was bent in shame, his shoulders slumped. "I'm so sorry Sev. I don't know what had gotten into me. I'm sorry. So sorry. I know I'm your boyfriend, so why I -"

"You're not. Not anymore." Severus was on his feet and out of the door before Harry could react.

Severus stopped in the hallway and took a deep breath. He clasped his hand over his mouth when his stomach lurched and he ran for his bathroom. He got there just in time as his body heaved and his breakfast came back out. He sank to the cold tiled floor, resting his head on his knees. After a few minutes he pulled himself back together and cleaned himself up, then crawled into bed. He hid under the covers and didn't come out for the rest of the day.

He knew he shouldn't have let his guard down. He shouldn't have put all of his trust in one person. He shouldn't have opened his heart. He shouldn't have fallen in love. All of his life had been one endless chain of misery, how could he have thought that it would change now? How could he have believed in a 'happily ever after'? How could he have been so stupid to fall in love with Harry? It was always just a matter of time before the next disappointment, the next disaster found him. It had been the story of his life, and he'd learned to cope with it. Expect it, even. But now ... he hadn't expected this. He hadn't been prepared for this. He had opened his heart, and now it was shattered. This ... this hurt more than anything had ever hurt.

Harry sat in the kitchen, unable to move one muscle. This was the worst case scenario. If Severus had gotten angry, yelled at him, screamed, called him names, made him feel worthless ... he could have coped with that. He would have had the chance to shout back, to express just how sorry he was, how much he hated himself. But these quiet words when Severus left him, literally left him ... They had been full of disappointment, full of _hurt._ In all of the years he'd known his Potions Master, heard and seen him angry, in the last months he'd known Severus as a person, with who he'd shared their miserable stories of childhoods full of neglect and abuse ... in all this time, Harry had never heard this much hurt in Severus' voice.

A new wave of self-hatred, self-loathing surged through him and his stomach turned. Kreacher appeared instantly when he heard Harry's heaving, his labored breathing.

"I'm sorry Kreacher," Harry rasped when he was able to catch his breath and his stomach settled somewhat.

"Don't worry master. Kreacher will clean up. Master is ill, master has to go to bed."

Harry nodded weakly and somehow he dragged his feet out of the kitchen and ended up in his bedroom.

)-(

When Harry finally started to feel somewhat better – as in able to stop vomiting and controlling his gasps for air every time he thought of Severus – he asked Kreacher to pass along a message to Ron and Hermione. He had to tell them what happened. Within a minute his best friends stumbled out of the Floo and Hermione pulled him into a hug when she saw the state he was in.

"What's wrong? What happened?" she asked in a quiet voice as Ron awkwardly patted his shoulder. Harry wrapped his arms around his own chest and dug his fingers into his flesh to drown out the pain of thinking of Severus. With many breaks he told what had happened last night and how he'd confessed to Severus this morning. When he had to re-tell Severus' final words, his voice broke down once again. The tears that didn't want to come out, were burning behind his eyes.

"Harry? I know you'd rather not talk about this, but what exactly happened last night? What did you drink? Did you suddenly feel very drunk? Or did it feel different from the last time you were drunk?" Hermione gently pushed him down into a chair and sat down opposite him.

"What?" Harry glared at her. She was a girl, for Merlin's sake! She was supposed to be the empathic one, understand feelings and stuff like that!

"Please, Harry. Can you tell me more? I wouldn't be bothering you with this if I didn't think it was important?" she said in a pleading voice. Harry took a shuddering breath and started to recount how he'd felt when he went onto the dance floor.

"Harry, is it possible that someone slipped something into your drink?"

"What?"

"Put some drugs, a potion, something into your drink?"

Ron looked at her astonished. "You think he was intoxicated?"

"It sounds like it," Hermione nodded.

"No, no. That would be too easy. To blame my cheating on that. I cheated, it's all my own fault," Harry shook his head vigorously.

"Blame yourself if you want, Harry. But if someone drugged you, we have to find that person. First we have to find out – damned! Why didn't you tell us earlier? A blood test could have given some results, but it's probably too late now!" Hermione said frustrated.

"For your information, I couldn't stop vomiting, so I thought you wouldn't want to come near," Harry shot her an evil look.

"I'm sorry," she immediately sat back down and squeezed his hand. "You'll have to tell everything in detail. From the symptoms we might be able to deduce what substance it could have been."

"In detail?" Harry squeaked, remembering how he'd been horny beyond comparison, how he'd climaxed incredibly fast and recovered even faster. His cheeks flushed a deep red. Ron fidgeted in his chair uncomfortably, not wanting to hear how his best friend got friendly with another man.

"Ron, why don't you find Charlie and ask him what he thinks of this?" Hermione noticed their discomfort. "He already knows what happened, so you don't mind him being involved in this, do you Harry?"

)-(

Severus wandered into the living room after he'd heard Harry leave for the Burrow. It had been almost two weeks since – he tried not to think of the day Harry broke his heart.

He sat down in his favorite chair and reached for the newspaper when his eyes fell on an open book. Some kind of diary? He immediately recognized Harry's handwriting.

_It feels like just after the war ended. When I attended Fred's funeral, and everybody was hugging eachother and crying. Nobody really spoke, nobody asked anyone else how they were really doing. It hurt. It physically hurt, the grieve, the feeling of loneliness. It reminded me too lively of the loneliness I've felt all through my childhood. But back then at least I didn't know better._

_And then Remus' and Tonk's funeral was even worse. Because Teddy was there. Everybody was crying and talking in hushed voices, and all Teddy wanted was someone who would play with him. It physically hurt to see the small boy who didn't understand that his parents had died. He's even younger than I was when my mum and dad got killed. At least he has his grandmother who loves him. Nobody loved me when my parents were gone. I know it's no use to wallow in self-pity. But it hurts. The hurt is back again._

_I finally thought I had a future. I survived the war, finished the impossible task that had been set upon me. I found love. In the most unlikely place, but Sev really loved me. And then in one stupid act, one hour of brainless, stupid, utterly foolish selfishness I fucked it all up. I honestly don't know how and why I did it. I'm not sure if Hermione is right, if I was drugged. On one hand I want to believe it – it would mean that I'm not responsible. On the other hand I can't believe it. It would be too easy to blame my unfaithful behavior on someone else. I, and I alone am responsible for my deeds, right?_

_I'm just hoping the pain will fade eventually. It hurts. It hurts so damn much to know that I fucked up my future with Sev. The only person who really saw me for who I really am. Just Harry. And now he _

Severus looked at the last word, feeling Harry's pain. The last word was smudged and it was obvious that Harry hadn't been able to write on. Severus hadn't known that Harry had attended those funerals, he had been unconscious most of the time back then. He understood now why sometimes he'd found Harry with his arms wrapped around himself, his face screwed up in pain. Severus had thought that it had been the after-effects of the mal-nourishment. A stab of pain went through his chest when he imagined how Harry had been feeling when he couldn't continue writing. He'd most probably been clutching his chest again, his fingers digging into his skin in an attempt to drown out the pain of the grief.

And yet, in spite of the pain, Severus couldn't find it in himself to forgive Harry. Not just like that. Harry had been unfaithful, he'd said so himself. Severus had put his trust in the other man, and Harry had broken it.

Severus' eyes suddenly snapped back to the paper. What had Hermione said? That Harry had been drugged? As in slipped a potion to induce the behavior? Severus re-read the lines several times, not able to believe it, but at the same time wanting to believe it so badly. If this was true, if Harry had been slipped something that had caused him to behave like this ... it wouldn't have been Harry's fault at all. What if? What if?

But how to find out – how to –

Would he be able to forgive and forget? No, it would be too hard to forget this. This excruciating pain, this extreme feeling of loss. But forgive ... that would be much easier. It would be Harry he would have to forgive, the young man that he loved.

Hold on.

Loved?

Yes, Severus had to admit to himself. He loved Harry. He hadn't just fallen in love with the young man, but he'd really loved him. But did he still love him now?

Absentmindedly, his fingers stroked the paper, until the book opened at another page.

_I hate myself. I hurt him. I've never seen him more hurt than this. Never heard that tone of voice before. The tone when he said his final words to me. Never, nobody, nothing has ever hurt him more than me. Or am I giving myself too much credit now? No, I don't think so. I could never imagine what he liked about me, why he wanted to be with me. But now, this is even more unbelievable, how could something that I have done, hurt him so much? Do I have such a big impact on his life? On him? Oh yes, I wanted to be with him. For ever. Still want that, if it would be possible. I think he wanted to be with me permanently too. But then still, how could I have such a big impact on him? Why is he so – shattered? I haven't seen him since. He avoids me like a leper, I hear him turning away in the hallway when he finds out I'm in a room. _

_Oh yes, I'm devastated by our break-up. It ended before it could even really start. I'm gutted, devastated, shattered. Is it possible that Severus felt just as strongly about me, as I feel about him? Is it?_

_My friends keep on trying to distract me, try to cheer me up. Charlie will only be here for a few days more, and I expect him to show up again this evening, as it's Friday. I don't want to go with him again. I don't know why he keeps on forcing me to go to the damn club. I don't want to go there!_

Severus couldn't read on, a red haze clouding his vision. He stood up abruptly and strode over to the fireplace.

"Charlie Weasley!" he bellowed as soon as he stepped into the Burrow. Molly came bustling into the room at once, but one look at Severus' livid face made her turn around and she hurried off looking for her second-eldest son.

"Charlie!" Severus hissed as soon as he caught sight of the red-head.

"Sevon?" Charlie said surprised, his eyebrows shooting up. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't act so surprised. Don't pretend you don't know. _I know_ what you're doing to Harry," Severus spat out, stepping close to the other man.

"And what am I doing to Harry exactly?" Charlie was slightly intimidated, but not enough to step backwards.

"_Forcing_ him. To go with you."

"Forcing ...?" Charlie said puzzled, but then he understood. "It's only for his own good. That I'm _forcing _him to go to the club with me and –"

Charlie couldn't finish his sentence when Severus' fist collided with his mouth. He staggered backwards, then poised himself to fight back. "Don't force Harry to do anything ever again!" Severus' fist made contact with the other man's jaw, but not as strongly as the first time because Charlie aimed a blow at his stomach.

"I never harmed Harry!" Charlie spat out, not understanding where the anger was coming from.

"No, of course not," Severus sneered as he punched him again, hitting him hard so he doubled over. "You had only good intentions when you seduced him."

Charlie's head snapped up, a pained sneer on his face. "You're so thick! I didn't do anything of that sort! I _rescued_ him from this – He's like my little brother! You should talk to him if you care about him so much!"

Severus' ears rang with the following silence and his hands hung to his side limply. "You – you didn't?"

"Never. I tried to protect him, but I was ... too late. You can hate me for that, if you want. And the only reason why I _force_ him to go to the club with me, is because I believe that justice has to be done to the person -"

Charlie was cut off when Severus swore loudly, then held out his hand as a peace-offering. "My apologies."

"Hmpff," Charlie pulled an offended face, but then took his hand anyway. He was a Weasley after all.

)-(

"Hey," Harry greeted surprised when Severus entered the potions lab the next day. They'd both been working on their potions and salves, but never at the same time. They did leave their notes for the other to read and comment on though, but the answers were always short and businesslike.

Severus inclined his head as a greeting and sat down at the big table, reading through his notes to prepare for today's tests. "You left your diary in the living room yesterday," Severus told Harry, his eyes on his own hands.

When Harry didn't reply immediately, Severus looked up and saw the younger man stare off in the distance. "And you read it." It wasn't a question, it wasn't a reproachful remark, he just stated it.

"Not all, but a bit, yes."

"I guess I shouldn't have left it lying around," Harry said in a soft voice. His eyes focused and he went back to work on his salve. They worked in silence all morning, broken occasionally by suggestions and questions from Severus' side. Harry answered him every time, but never offered ideas of himself.

Severus smiled wistfully when Harry left the room for lunch. If only they could just work alongside eachother normally.

Harry sighed when he sank down in a chair in the kitchen. Severus hadn't followed him when he'd announced that he was going for lunch. And all he'd been talking about this morning, was his potions and the salves Harry was working on. If he'd read his diary, why didn't he talk about anything else? At least tell what part he read? What he thought about it? What he thought about Harry now?

Another big sigh escaped Harry's lips when he concluded that Severus was tired of avoiding him, but absolutely had no intention of becoming friends again.

If Severus had been in a good mood, he'd have laughed when he re-entered the lab late in the afternoon. The shattered and smashed remains of Harry's latest test-batch were strewn across the room, covering everything in bright-blue blobs of cream. He started off cleaning, but kept some of the blue stuff apart for examining. When he finished, he sat down and pulled the latest notes closer. On the bottom was a scribbled line that had nothing to do with their testing.

_I'm going to the Burrow, Charlie's leaving for Romania. Will be back tomorrow to make more Smurf-salve._

* Molestia - _Troubles_


	8. Chapter 8 No crimen

VIII. No crimen *

Several days later, Severus entered the lab on Saturday morning early. He blinked surprised when he found Harry, chopping some ingredients in a feverish pace.

"Morning," Severus nodded and put some cauldrons out to start boiling. He'd woken up with some ideas, and he intended on trying them out immediately. He never rushed though, and his hands worked in a slow, but deliberate pace when he prepared everything he needed.

Harry let out frustrated sighs and groans, making Severus pull up his eyebrows inquiringly. Harry was walking around like a caged lion. He didn't react to Severus and kept on mixing his salve with the mortar and pestle.

"Stop," Severus said suddenly when he wanted to add another ingredient. Harry shot him an annoyed look, but his hands stilled anyway.

"If you add that, it will turn bright blue again. I've never done much with ointments, but I did a bit of research. That doesn't mix with the base, you should try a different base. It's nothing magical, it's just a chemical reaction that also happens with Muggles. It forms an ester and -" Severus stopped when Harry threw down the pestle.

"Never mind. Nothing's working anyway today. Or ever," Harry said frustrated and left the lab with big, irritated steps. Severus stared after him, lost in thoughts. Was something wrong?

"Harry?" Severus entered the living room not much later, but he found it deserted. He hadn't been able to focus on his work anymore, knowing that something must be wrong with the younger man. He hadn't seen Harry this agitated before.

When he turned around to go look in the next room, his eyes fell on Harry's opened diary. Severus hesitated for a moment, then strode over to it. If he wasn't supposed to read it, Harry wouldn't have left it lying around, right?

The last page was filled with Harry's handwriting, but this time with angry strokes and smudges.

_Oliver replaced Charlie. Last night I went to the club with him, after Hermione and Ron annoyed me to death. I just gave in to make them shut up. Oliver seemed to feel sorry for me, and insisted that I should try to have some fun while we were at the club. Not likely, I'm never gonna have fun _there_ again! As we'd discussed, I spent some time taking drinks that looked like Firewhiskey, then took a real Firewhiskey when I should have been drunk already. I took part of my drink, then placed it back on the bar behind me. When a tall guy came up to chat to me, I noticed that he did something behind my back. Oliver gave me the sign that he'd indeed put something in, and Oliver changed my glass for a different one. The guy didn't notice anything and I downed the rest of my drink. I followed him onto the dance floor, but unlike the other time, I didn't like the way people touched me and danced with me. I pretended to have a good time and suppressed the urge to move away when someone pushed up to me from behind. 'Feels familiar?' the guy said in my ear and I almost vomited on the spot. We'd found the guy, but I had to follow through with the plan in order to catch him red-handed. He groped me and did more disgusting things and I let him. I didn't see Oliver anywhere when he led me to a room, but I just let him undress me. He had just pulled off some of his own clothes when he found out that I wasn't – of course I wasn't hard! He went on groping me and telling me that he'd wake me to life. At this point I didn't even care anymore._

_Oliver and two bouncers burst through the door and the guy got arrested. I gave my testimony and they sent me home. This morning they notified me that he confessed to drugging me the first time and he hadn't noticed that the drugging hadn't worked this second time._

_So, I was drugged indeed._

Severus sat in his chair stunned. Harry had been drugged. It was confirmed. It wasn't his fault at all that he'd cheated on him. Why hadn't Harry told him?

He had to find him. Now.

He found Harry eventually, staring out of the window. Severus wrapped his arms around him tightly from behind. "It wasn't your fault," he whispered into the messy hair.

Harry's muscles tensed. "It was. I'm responsible for my own actions, that's what they always told me. So it was my fault. Is my fault." His voice was hoarse, like he'd been crying.

"You were drugged. Anybody would have acted the way you did," Severus said softly. Harry turned around and shoved him away.

"No! I still should have thought of you, still should have -"

"Harry," Severus said in a pleading tone, holding out his hands to him. Harry backed away further, a livid look on his face.

"No! This – this – creep touched me. Twice. I'm dirty. Don't you dare touch me again!"

"Sorry, I get it. I can't imagine what it feels like to be – to have gone through what you have," Severus said through clenched teeth. He was willing himself to keep breathing, not to get sick. He hadn't realized up onto this point that, basically, Harry had been raped.

"See? Even you are disgusted of me now!" Harry spat at him and sagged into a chair.

"No! Not at all! All I want to do is wrap my arms around you and tell you that everything's going to be okay," Severus' voice came out in a hoarse whisper and he wasn't sure if Harry had heard it. Harry's face was buried in his hands and his shoulders were shaking.

Severus thrust his hands in his pockets to stop himself from hugging the younger man. "Harry? Is there anything I can do for you?"

Harry never answered him, never looked up.

"Severus? There was something urgent you needed to discuss?" Minerva stood up when Severus stepped out of the Floo. When she saw his face, she ushered him to a chair with a worried look. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine. No need to worry about _me_," Severus answered and swatted her hands away. As unlikely as his friendship with Harry, he'd developed some kind of friendship with Hogwarts' Headmistress. She was one of the few people who knew his real identity, and the extent of what he'd done in his spying days. Without further preamble, he told about Harry.

"He needs therapy. I've always been wondering if he shouldn't see a therapist anyway. He's done and seen too much for his age," she said when he eventually finished.

"For any age," Severus mumbled.

"Exactly. Of course, what happened to him is horrible, but it might have uncovered more ... for lack of a better word, issues," Minerva said thoughtful.

"Can't you talk to him? See how he reacts? He doesn't trust many people, but he trusts you."

"I thought he could talk to you, but I guess that's out of the question now?" she said hesitantly.

"Of course I'll try, but I don't want to alienate him from me even further by over-doing it," Severus said sadly.

"Of course I'll try too. You didn't leave him alone at the house, did you?"

"I asked the Weasleys to send someone over. I don't know who came, but I heard the Floo and a voice before I left. Might have been George."

).(

"Heya Harry."

"What are you doing here?" Harry said weakly to George when he stepped out of the Floo.

"Thanks for the nice welcome. Get your arse off that chair, you're coming with me to the shop," George said businesslike.

"Why?"

"Since everybody thinks you're cracking down and you need advice and good conversations and rubbish like that. I convinced Ron and Hermione that I should be the one to come over here when Sevon said that he was leaving for a couple of hours. If people start to think you need a babysitter, the thing you need to do is get away from them."

"Wh –what?" Harry spluttered.

"You just need some distraction, so you're coming to the shop. Remember? Wizarding Wheezes?" George rolled his eyes. "Oh, by the way, Oliver updated us on everything."

"I can't come with you. I haven't even showered since –" Harry's voice trailed off.

"Gross! Then get your arse in the shower first!"

Harry looked at him astonished. George might be right, he didn't need people fussing over him, this straightforward approach was much better. Good for shocking him out of his wallowing and self-loathing. "I ... can't. There's too many ..."

"What?"

"Too many mirrors in the bathroom," Harry said, his head bent down.

"Well, there's an easy remedy for that," George headed for the door already.

After Harry took a long shower, he accompanied the red-head to the shop, where he hadn't been in too long. He felt himself relax as he busied himself with stacking boxes and checking out all the unfinished projects in the back rooms. At the end of the afternoon he felt almost normal, able to think of other things than the battle, Severus and the club.

In the evening he followed George upstairs to the little apartment over the shop and they started on dinner. They chatted a little about everything and nothing and Harry found out that George wasn't just pretending to be okay, but he really was getting better. Processing the loss of his twin brother. Of course he missed him terribly, but he'd picked up the threads of his life and continued working in the shop like his brother had wanted him to.

When they'd finished dinner and both downed a couple of beers, George looked up at Harry. "May I ask why you wouldn't want to look in the mirror? You're not disgusted of yourself now, are you?"

Harry shook his head slowly. "No, just too ashamed. Everybody thinks now that I'm a victim, but ..."

"But what?"

"I'm not. I _enjoyed_ myself that night."

"Please!" George held up his hand. "I'm not homophobic or something, but I don't want to hear about you doing anything with a bloke."

Harry stared at him, then slowly a laugh bubbled up in his throat. Within seconds he was howling with laughter, clutching on George's arm not to fall of his chair.

"Thank you," Harry hiccupped, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Just what I needed."

).(

"Did you ask _McGonagall_ to talk to me?" Harry called out unbelievingly when he entered the kitchen a few weeks later. Severus set his tea down on the table slowly and looked up at the agitated young man.

"Was that such a bad idea?"

"Uhh – yeah!" Harry plopped down on one of the chairs and just stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

"She has been a students' counselor for many years," Severus said calmly and poured a fresh cup for Harry.

"Why would I need counseling?" Harry raised his eyebrows so high that they disappeared behind his fringe. Severus looked at him for a few moments, trying to gauge Harry's mood. He didn't seem angry or upset about it, as he'd thought. Before Severus could reply, Harry went on. "Or apart from _counseling_, there are other people if I want to _talk about things_."

Severus regarded him a bit longer. Minerva had obviously used those words. Talk about things.

"Yes? Are there?"

Harry gave an exasperated sigh. "I talk to you, don't I?"

"Apart from yelling at me from time to time and ask me to pass the sugar? Harry, this is more about ... talking about things that might bother you."

"If something bothers me, I just scream at you for a bit and it's all out, isn't it?" Harry replied dryly, but then his expression changed. "This isn't – not again! This isn't about the whole drugging-thing, is it?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Harry groaned. "I'm getting so tired of everybody wanting to talk about that! It happened to _me_, so why does everybody else want to talk about it? Ron and Hermione also bring it up all the time. The only one I can just hang out with without being lured into that, is George!" Harry's voice was getting louder and louder.

"So what is it , then? Something's going on. Your mood swings are giving me a whiplash, Harry."

Harry's mouth shut with a snap and he looked at the other man confused. "What?"

"If you just talked about what's going on, talked to one person, then everybody will leave you in peace. Just stop bottling it all up."

"Bottling _what_ up?"

"I'm not saying you should talk to me, because, well, probably our break-up is also ..." Severus voice trailed off.

"You want me to talk, eh? Well, I'll talk!" Harry gulped his tea down and sat the cup back on the table, a little more forceful than necessary. "There are a few things bothering me, yeah. First of all: stop arranging babysitters for me whenever you have to go somewhere."

"I just thought that you could use some company," Severus said softly.

"Use company?" Harry snorted. "George told me they did the same to him just after Fred died. Suicide watch?"

Severus kept his jaws locked together, not wanting to aggravate Harry further.

"Secondly: stop thinking for me! I can think for myself, thank you very much!" Harry continued. "Thirdly: don't ever ask McGonagall again to talk to me about getting a blow-job in a gay club. Now _that's_ something worthy of a nightmare!"

"I was trying to –"

"Stop trying! And shut up for a minute, will you? You wanted me to tell you what's bothering me? Well, I'm just getting started!" Harry's green eyes were flashing. Not really in anger, but more in frustration. "Of course I'm having _mood swings_. We survived the fucking war, so there's a reason to be happy. The last years haven't been exactly fun though, so there's a reason to be a bit down sometimes. And yeah, I shoot from one to the next, but can you blame me? I'm a teenager, for crying out loud! Don't you remember what it was like when you were eighteen? Bloody hormones, wanting to settle down but also wanting to live your life as much as possible? It's not easy to choose, especially when everybody's watching and following you obsessively. And yeah, of course I'm also sad that we broke up. More than sad. But it's just ..." Harry stopped for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. After swallowing thickly, he continued. "... it's not the right time to be together. I'm – I don't know, too young maybe? What we had was ... good. Great. I really loved you, I still do. But I don't deserve you. You're loyal, trustworthy. I'm – not. Even if you say that it wasn't my fault that I cheated on you, I still know that in fact it _is_ my fault. If I can't trust myself, then how could you ever trust me? I honestly can't say that it won't happen again, because ... I don't know. You know? Next time the exact same thing could happen. Sure, they caught the guy. But there are other guys like that." Harry held up his hand when Severus wanted to respond. "No, no. I know all the arguments against that. There wouldn't be any couples at all if everybody just waited to run into – well, that. But the fact is, I don't feel like a _victim_. I wasn't forced, I wasn't raped or anything. I _wanted _ to do those things with the guy. I _enjoyed_ myself when it was happening. Of course afterwards it was different, but ... that's why I – damn, Severus, things aren't just black and white. There's a whole lot of grey. I see the way you look at me, you want me to be okay, to be happy. But you also want me to be yours again. I want that too, but I just can't! I feel guilty, not just for what happened, but also that – maybe ... I don't know!" Harry gave an exasperated sigh and lowered his eyes to his hands, then continued in a soft, unsure voice. "Maybe I do want to enjoy myself with other guys first. And maybe girls. Experiment. So that later I'll never look back with regrets and wonder how it could have been."

Severus looked at the bent head with the messy hair. Harry's last words felt like a knife through his heart. Harry wanted to – he couldn't even say to himself what it was that Harry wanted to do with other guys. But if he forced himself to forget about that for an instant, and think of the other things Harry just said ... it did open opportunities for the future. Harry didn't say he didn't want him. Just not now. He was too young. But could he stick around, just waiting for him to grow up enough until he was ready to settle down? Severus gave a deep sigh.

What other option did he have?

Harry looked up at him, his eyes full of fear and insecurity. "I'm not asking you to – wait for me. If we can only stay friends? Please? I don't want you to leave -"

Severus nodded before he even thought about it. "Of course. I'm not leaving you Harry."

"Good," Harry's face relaxed. They stared at eachother for what seemed like an eternity. Severus wished he knew what the younger man was thinking, but then a small smile appeared on Harry's face. "Did I talk enough? Will you tell the others to back off now?"

"If you said everything you got on your chest," Severus smiled at him warmly.

"Yes," Harry stood up. His hand softly brushed over the older man's shoulder when he made his way over to the door. "Wait. One more thing," Harry turned around.

"Yes?"

"If my diary is lying around somewhere, it's not because I want you to read it. It's because I forgot to put it away. This is our home, and I finally feel enough at home not to obsessively lock away everything anymore."

).(

Severus settled down, his legs outstretched on the couch and his shoulders propped up to some pillows to get a comfortable reading position. A glass of red wine and some snacks on the side table, a good book in his hand. His Saturday evening couldn't get any better. Well, of course it could, but he would gladly settle for this situation.

His head snapped up when the door to the living room opened.

"Hey," he smiled surprised. "You home on Saturday evening?"

Harry just shrugged and smiled back at him. Severus pulled up his legs slightly and Harry plopped down on the couch on the just freed position.

"Want some too?" Severus gestured to the wine and snacks, but Harry shook his head and accio'd the ottoman to his feet. Within minutes he was engrossed in the book he had brought.

Severus, on the other hand, had much more troubles focusing on his book suddenly and he stared off in the distance. Harry and he had been getting along pretty good after their talk. Or rather, Harry's talk. They'd been working together in the lab, not just alongside eachother. And they shared most meals and occasionally spent some evenings talking. Severus' heart still ached when he thought about what they had had together, but the deepest hurt had disappeared when he'd realized that Harry hadn't betrayed him. Or not at least in the way he'd initially thought. Even though Harry didn't trust himself, Severus did. He trusted Harry to make the right decisions, even if they hurt.

He smiled to himself when he watched Harry's relaxed frame for a minute, then returned his attention to his book.

The next time he looked up when he realized he was out of wine, the roles seemed to have switched. Harry was staring off in the distance, the book almost sliding from his limp hands. Severus lowered his book and softly rubbed his toes to Harry's thigh. Harry slowly came back to the present and turned his head to look at the other man.

"You okay?" Severus asked softly.

"Fine," Harry smiled and placed his hand on Severus' socked foot and rubbed him back.

Severus returned the gentle smile. "You seemed miles away."

"Not as far as you'd think," Harry mumbled, his eyes on the foot he was still rubbing. "Can I give you a hug?"

Harry hardly waited for the other man's nod and threw himself across the couch. He wrapped his arms tightly around Severus' torso and rested his head on his chest, hearing the older man's steady heartbeat. Severus wrapped his arms around the slender frame and pulled him close for a few minutes. When he loosened his hold and Harry made no attempt to move away, he rested his hands lightly on the younger man's back.

"Where did you go last night?"

"Why? Did you miss me?" Harry answered immediately, drawing figures on Severus' chest with his index finger. Severus' body tensed up and Harry's hand stilled for a second. When he resumed doodling, Severus realized that he hadn't meant anything by saying that. He was just teasing him, saying the first thing that came to his mind as usual.

When Harry felt the tense muscles beneath him relax, he answered. "Went to a party. I would have told you, but you were taking a shower. That's why I left you a note. Hadn't planned on going, but Oliver just showed up and asked me to come and ... well."

"You don't have to make excuses Harry. Who's Oliver? Friend of you?"

"Oliver Wood. Quidditch player? He was Captain when I joined the Gryffindor team?"

"Oh, right. Him," Severus nodded, vaguely remembering the boy. "What kind of party was it? Did you wear a glamour?"

"'T was just friends of Oliver. I knew most people back from school. George was there too, and you're never gonna believe who was there too!"

"Then you'd better tell me," Severus smirked, but Harry couldn't see that as he was still lying with his head on the other man's chest.

"Blaise Zabini! I never thought to run into a Slytherin on a party, but apparently he's a close friend of –" Harry stopped. "Never mind, you probably don't know all the names. Or don't care, anyway," he chuckled.

"I do know Zabini, of course. I didn't know he was gay. It crossed my mind that he was too handsome to be straight, but -" he stopped abruptly when Harry's head shot up. "Ouch! Careful there, will you?" Severus scowled, looking down. Harry followed his look and saw that he was lying between the other man's legs and apparently his abrupt movements had crushed his private parts.

"Sorry," Harry carefully started to move away, but Severus' hands kept him locked into place and he stilled. "But what made you think Blaise is gay?"

"Well, you said he was there at -"

"It was a _birthday party_," Harry suddenly understood that Severus had thought he'd been to a gay party. "Wait! You think Blaise is handsome?"

Severus didn't know what to answer to that, and Harry grinned when he saw the expression on the other man's face. "You've been having improper thoughts about a student?"

"Well, no, no! But you can't deny -"

"Relax. _Everybody _thinks Blaise is handsome," Harry chuckled and lay his head back down on Severus' chest when he still didn't release him from his arms. "Anyway. It was just a birthday party, okay? Just after I ran into George, Ron also showed up. We had a good time getting him to think that Angelina fancied him, but guess what? She turned out to _really_ fancy George! Angelina was also on our Quidditch team, by the way. Shit, now I'm talking about all those people again, and you're most definitely not interested -"

"It's okay Harry," Severus chuckled, making them both shake a little. "If I get enough of your rambling, I always tell you to stop, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember," Harry grumbled and lightly slapped him.

"Stop manhandling me, will you?"

Harry grumbled again, then stilled. It suddenly sank in that he was _lying between Sev's legs_. Severus obviously didn't mind, but if the roles had been switched, if a handsome, young man like Sev had been lying between his legs, he would have – His train of thought suddenly stopped. Young man. "You need to stop taking the Parselwashout."

When Severus didn't answer immediately, Harry sat up and continued. "You can barely pass for older than twenty-five now. And all the Weasleys have seen you a while ago, and they'd notice –"

"I know," Severus admitted softly. "I know."

"Don't worry. If you start aging faster than others, you can just take the potion again on a regular basis. Just, like, every few weeks instead of twice a day. And I think we pretty much perfected my salve, even if I say so myself. It's bound to make the last scar tissue disappear. You won't ever have to wear a glamour again."

Severus stared at the younger man. He'd just voiced all of his fears. "How did you ..."

"Know? You're getting to know me better, but it works both ways. Sev, I might be the one who talks most, but I learn a lot from the way you react. I'm not as dense as you might think."

"I don't think you're dense."

"Not all the time," Harry grinned. "You know, I've been thinking -"

"You do that?"

"Shut up," Harry laughed when he saw the teasing smile on the other man's face and slapped his leg. "Seriously. About the Parselwashout. I think Bill Weasley -"

Before Harry could continue, Severus stopped him. "Yes. I think the potion would work on his scars also. His face might remain a bit misshapen, but I think it could get much better."

"Huh. So we've both been reading up on wounds by magical creatures?" Harry gestured towards the book he'd been reading earlier.

"Yes. Of course he can't take the potion twice a day for a prolonged period, because -"

"Because he would look too young after that. Yeah. I've calculated how much doses he could take, based on my estimation of how many years -"

Now Severus cut Harry off. "So did I. We can't know for sure if a werewolf bite reacts the same as a snake bite, but my estimation is that he could take a few doses every month. He doesn't change at a full moon, but he does feel a bit off every cycle, right? The potion made me feel pretty good, physically, so if he would take it every full moon ... the dose can be adjusted along the way."

Harry looked at Severus' enthusiastic expression and he almost laughed. This definitely was weird. They were discussing ... well, _work_ on a Saturday evening, and they were both so enthusiastic that they interrupted eachother!

"We'll compare the calculations some other time?"

"Probably a good idea," Severus sniggered and pointed at the empty wine glass. Harry flicked his wand and levitated the bottle to fill it up once more.

"Not what I meant," Severus shook his head amused, but settled back in the cushions relaxed when he saw Harry pour himself a glass also. They sat next to eachother in companionable silence for a while, sipping their drink.

"There aren't any other side-effects to the potion, are there?" Harry sat his glass down and pulled Severus' feet on his lap, massaging them softly. A blush crept up Severus' cheeks instantly.

"What!" Harry said surprised, confused, his eyes shooting from the heated face to the feet he was holding and back. He'd only seen the older man blush a few times before.

"There is one side-effect," Severus admitted. Harry relaxed and continued the massage. At least the feet's not why he was blushing, then.

"Yes?" Harry rolled his eyes impatiently when Severus didn't continue.

"Well, we should warn him about it. Seeing that he's married, and all ..."

"What is it? What side-effect?"

"It stimulates forming of new cells," Severus gave him a meaningful look, but Harry shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "What part of the body is most busy with forming new cells? The _male_ body?"

"What?" Harry still didn't cotton on. When Severus stared at him a bit longer, Harry's eyes suddenly shot down to his groin. "Oh. I see. How – how do you know?"

Severus mumbled something unintelligible, his embarrassment obvious.

"What? I didn't get that. How can you know that the potion does that too?"Harry pressed on.

"I don't know for sure, but seeing the other effect, I just deducted ... "

"Other effect? Sev, for crying out loud, just say it! It's not like I'm telling anything to anyone else!"

"You'd better not!" Severus gave him a menacing look.

"_What other effect_?" Harry repeated.

"A profound increase in libido, okay?" Severus shouted.

"Oh. Oh!" Harry had the grace to look embarrassed when he realized what the other man had just said. He thought about it for a few minutes. "But how do you know it's an effect of the potion? I mean, I'm not saying it was because of me, but, well ..."

"You _are_ saying it's because of you," Severus answered in a calm voice.

"Well, wouldn't everybody – experience, well, uhm, _that_ when they get in a – physical relationship after being alone for so many years?" Harry carefully avoided looking at the other man.

"Of course. But I'm talking about a _profound_ increase here. And it started before we got together. I'm a grown-up man, but this reminds me of being a bloody teenager with his hormones out of control. And it didn't stop after we broke up." Severus said the last part through clenched teeth. Harry couldn't stop himself and his eyes swerved over the older man's groin before looking up at his face. They both blushed furiously and looked away immediately.

"Right. Okay. So, uhm, yeah, warn Bill about that," Harry mumbled, picking up his book to give his hands something to do.

Severus' head turned sharply when after a few minutes, he felt the couch tremble lightly. He found Harry's body shaking. Harry clasped his hand in front of his mouth when he noticed Severus watching, but then after a few seconds he couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing loudly.

"I can not – believe – that we just talked – about _that_!" he managed to squeak out between his fits of laughter. "But it's nice to – know that I'm not – the only one -"

Severus felt a laugh building up inside his own chest too. "The only one what?"

Harry gasped for air, clutched his sides, then burst into another fit. "Who wanks - every day!"

Eventually, Severus burst out laughing too. "Only once a day?" he managed to say, tears streaming down his face.

Harry's mouth opened in a silent gasp, his finger pointed at Severus, then the laughter won over again.

"You – are – terrible!" Harry hiccupped, a long time later. He was clutching Severus' arm for support, gasping for air.

"Calm down," Severus laughed, patting the messy dark hair in a patronizing way. Harry swatted his hand away, but then sprawled out over the couch, his hands on his stomach.

"Poor boy. Does your tummy ache?" Severus drawled, patting Harry's hand. Harry took a deep, shuddering breath and grinned, but didn't move his hand away.

"Seriously? More than once? Every day?"

"Shut up," Severus growled. "I should go back to normal soon, as I'm stopping with the potion. You, on the other hand, will still need to worry about being caught in the shower every day for at least a few more years."

Harry squeezed his eyes a little when he looked into the dark eyes. "Is that a threat?" he said slowly.

"Only if you want it to be, Harry. Only if you want it to be."

* No crimen – _No fault_


	9. Chapter 9 Livor

IX. Livor *

Several weeks later found Harry pacing the hallway. Anxiously, angrily, but most of all frustrated.

"Where have you been?" he spat as soon as Severus appeared through the front door.

"Uhm, out? I left you a note, didn't I?" Severus said slightly slurred and put one hand inconspicuously to the wall to steady himself.

"Out!"

"Yes. It's weekend, so I thought I'd go to a party, since you also do that. Quite often," Severus nodded, his eyes swerving over Harry's quivering frame.

"You're drunk."

"Obviously," Severus nodded. "Why are you back before me? Your party wasn't fun?"

"Was your party _fun_?"

"Well, there were several – no, Harry. I didn't enjoy myself enough to stay away the whole night. That's why I'm here, isn't it?" Severus just stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Even if he was drunk, that would be too Harry-ish.

"It's quite late."

"No, it isn't," Severus cast a quick Tempus and showed him that it was just after eleven.

"Oh," Harry's face fell and he sagged with his back to the wall. "It felt like -"

"Like you've been waiting here for hours? Harry, is it possible that you're a bit drunk yourself too?"

"Possibly more than a bit. I didn't really enjoy myself so I drank a bit too fast, but then I decided that I'd better head home and -" Harry's voice faltered and his eyes roamed over the other man's body.

Severus had been in the middle of taking off his heavy robes, but when their eyes locked he forgot all about it and reached the younger man in a few big steps. Their mouths crashed together and they let out a collective moan when Severus' tongue invaded Harry's mouth. Harry pressed the taller man with his back to the wall and ripped his robes open all the way. His fingers sought out the hard chest and he pinched Severus' nipples through the shirt.

"Tease," Severus groaned and his mouth latched on to Harry's neck, sucking a bruise into the tender skin brutally. Harry moaned and rubbed his erection to the other man's leg unabashed. Severus' hips jerked forward when Harry's hands cupped his ass and squeezed lightly.

"Dammit Harry. Don't make me so hard if you're not -" Before he could finish the sentence, he felt Harry's hand plunge inside his pants. His head slammed back into the wall when he felt the warm hand wrap around his cock and his eyes closed in ecstasy. When he heard the younger man's labored breathing in his ear, he crashed their mouths back together in a sloppy kiss. He fumbled with Harry's tight jeans and managed to push his pants down his thighs just far enough to free his erection. He didn't have the chance to do anything else than grab it with his sweaty hand when Harry tugged on his cock faster. They kept on sharing messy, wet, open-mouthed kisses while they jerked eachother off, their moans and gasps mingling in the cold air. They climaxed and dirtied their stomachs shortly after eachother, the sticky mess mingling when they embraced in their post-orgasmic high.

Harry pressed a soft kiss to Severus' cheek before he pulled back and pulled his pants back up. "G'night Sev."

).(

Severus let out a string of heavy curses when he woke up next morning. He shifted through his personal potions cabinet until he found the hangover potion and took a healthy swig.

After a few minutes, his body felt all better. But not his mind. What on fucking earth had possessed him to assault Harry like that? Yes, he'd been really, really drunk, but still. He should have had better self-control than that. And true, Harry had been the one to rip open his robes and shove his hand down his pants, but – damned, Severus! _You_ were the one to initiate it all by kissing him!

He kept on muttering and grumbling to himself all the time through his shower and getting dressed. They'd been getting along so great in the last couple of weeks! Good friends, relaxed evenings together and productive days in the lab. Now had he ruined it all in his drunken state of horniness?

"Morning," Harry smiled up from the newspaper, toast in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

"Morning," Severus said cautiously and lowered himself into his usual chair.

"You okay?" Harry's eyes swerved over the pale face. "Are you out of hangover potion?"

"I'm peachy," Severus snarked, then sighed deeply. "I'm really sorry about assaulting you like that last night. I hope I didn't spoil -"

"Sev!" Harry interrupted him and put his hand over the other man's hand to make him look up at him. "We were both drunk, and it was just a kiss and a hand-job. Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?" Severus looked at him unbelievingly.

"It's nothing we didn't do before, right? Welcome to the world of hormone-driven, drunk teenagers. This is what we do on Weekend nights."

"Getting groped in a drafty hallway?"

"Usually it's an alleyway, so there's improvement," Harry commented dryly and returned to his toast.

"Unbelievable," Severus muttered when he started buttering his toast. He kept on muttering some more, but to Harry's relief he didn't seem upset, or angry. He was more surprised than anything.

"There's three options," Harry did his best to hide his grin.

"What?" Severus' head shot up and their eyes locked.

"One: you forget it happened. If you're unable to do that, there's option two: you let me obliviate you."

"_Fat chance_," Severus snickered, then waited expectantly for the third option.

"Three: you memorize every little detail, every _dirty_ detail. That way you'll have perfect jerk-off material for at least a few weeks."

Severus sat stunned for several minutes, he barely registered Harry getting up from the table and patting his shoulder, then trailing his hand teasingly along his shoulder blades when he made his way over to the door.

"Unbelievable."

).(

Several weeks later found Severus reading the Sunday Prophet. His eyes flashed to the door every time he thought he heard a noise. Well after eleven o'clock Harry finally stumbled down the stairs.

"Good afternoon."

"Morning," Harry glared and slouched down on a chair. "I'm out of Hangover Potion," he said dramatically.

"Really?"

Harry shot him an evil glare. "Do you have some more?"

"You have taken too much already. That last batch was supposed to last you for several months," Severus slowly shook his head as he took in Harry's appearance. He was looking extremely pale, his eyes bloodshot. Severus poured him a cup of tea and noticed Harry's hands trembling slightly as he wrapped them around the warm cup.

"You're not going to give me any?" Harry said, his tired face trying to form an appalled expression.

"I will not let you turn into an alcoholic. Maybe if you just suffer through this hangover, next time you will remember not to drink that much."

"Come on, Sev. Please. I'm feeling terrible." His voice was nothing short of a whine now and Severus had to look away from the pitiful young man across the table.

"Try to sleep it off."

Harry gingerly lifted the cup to his lips, then pushed it away revolted. His forehead banged to the tabletop loudly, where it stayed. "I'm nauseous."

"It will pass," Severus answered in a harsh voice, but inside he felt sorry for him. It wouldn't hurt to give him – No. No. Harry had to learn his lesson some day, and he'd been warning him about not drinking that much every weekend. Severus stood up and gently put his hand on Harry's shoulder, but the younger man jerked and shrugged him off.

"You're cold."

Harry didn't respond, his head still on the table. Severus cast a small warming charm over the pajama-clad back and left the kitchen silently.

"Take this. It's half a dose, enough to get you on your feet."

Harry dragged his head up from the table and squinted at Severus' outstretched hand. He gulped down the potion and waited for it to take effect. A slight tingling went through his body, ending at his fingers and toes. His stomach unclenched a little and his head felt clearer instantly. "Thanks," he managed to smile at the tall man.

"Try to have some breakfast. It will do you good."

Obediently, Harry buttered some toast and chewed it unenthusiastically. Severus barely managed to stop himself from chuckling when he saw the sulking young man. He shook his head amused. Those teenagers!

Harry half-heartedly swatted his hand in Severus' direction when he noticed his amusement. "Laugh all you want. Git."

"Brat."

Harry grumbled something unintelligible, washing his toast down with some strong tea. Every time Severus had called him a brat, he'd answered that he was Severus' brat. But he wasn't anymore.

"What are you going to do now?" Harry sat up straighter, a sudden serious look on his face.

"What do you mean?" Severus flicked his wand and cleared the table, settling the dishes neatly in the sink.

"I mean," Harry followed the other man to the living room where he sat down on the couch, shivering slightly. Severus summoned a blanket and wrapped it around the skinny shoulders, rubbing Harry's upper arms to get him to feel warm. "I mean," Harry started again, "... Bill started taking the potion, so all we can do is wait if it takes effect. The salve for your scars is pretty much perfected." _It even smells nice_, Harry thought to himself when Severus wrapped his arm around his shoulders and they sat back on the couch more relaxed. "We spent whole days on that. What are you gonna do now?"

Severus stayed silent for a long time. So long, that Harry turned in his embrace and looked up at the troubled face.

"You don't want to go back to teaching at Hogwarts, do you?"

"Merlin, no!"

Harry chuckled at the fierce reaction, then turned serious again. "What did you want to do? Instead of teaching?"

"I don't know."

"You never imagined what you'd do after the war?"

"I ... didn't exactly think that far ahead," Severus admitted softly.

"Why not?"

"Dreams can be shattered. It's better not to have impossible dreams."

"You can have dreams now, and they won't be impossible."

"Such optimism."

"Yes," Harry nodded and shifted away from the other man so that he could have a better look at his face. "The war is over. You never have to spy again. You have a new identity, you can start anew. You can do anything you want."

"The same goes for you, Harry. What do you want to do? Do you still want to become an Auror?"

"How do you know I wanted that?"

"Minerva."

"Oh," Harry remained silent for a moment. "No. I don't want to be an Auror anymore. I don't know exactly what I want."

"There aren't certain careers that seem attractive to you?"

"I don't know. No. I guess not."

"What do you like to do, Harry?" Severus' face was kind, kinder than Harry could remember seeing it before.

"Being in the lab with you." Harry blushed slightly at his admission, not having thought before he opened his big mouth.

"You like making potions? Or developing potions?"

Harry thought for a long time. Did he like being there because it meant being with Severus? Or was it the potions aspect? "I ... I like being busy with the preparations," he said eventually. "Discussing the various uses of the ingredients. Preparing the ingredients thoroughly to come to a perfect result."

"Would you consider a career in Potions?" Severus said thoughtful. When Harry shrugged, he went on. "You would have to at least get your Potions NEWT. Having a few more other NEWTs wouldn't hurt either."

"I'm not going back to Hogwarts," Harry shook his head violently.

"Who said anything about that?" Severus fixed him with a stare.

"What do you mean?"

"The examinations are at Hogwarts, yes. But there are no rules that state where you should have received your education to be allowed to participate in the examinations."

"Wha – do you – if I could – I mean -" Harry stuttered, thoughts racing in his brain.

"If you could find a tutor out of Hogwarts, you would be admitted for the examinations, I am sure. I, myself, could tutor you in various subjects. If you wanted to."

Harry gaped at him, his mouth hanging open in shock. Surprise. Disbelief.

Severus chuckled and gently pressed a finger under Harry's chin, making him snap his jaws together. "Is it such an appalling idea?"

"No! It would be great! I mean – if you would be willing to – why would you want to spend all your time on tutoring me? For the Potions NEWT, I get that. But why would you tutor me in other subjects?" Harry rambled, then stopped when Severus shook his head smiling.

"Why not?"

"Because – I don't know. How many subjects? What subjects?"

"Potions, obviously. Defence Against the Dark Arts. Charms and Transfiguration, although I would have to consult Minerva on the 7th year curriculum. If you wanted to take Herbology, I would have to look further into the material."

Harry's mouth gaped again. Severus was willing to tutor him in subjects that he didn't even teach! He was willing to study it so that he could then teach Harry?

"Why? I mean – why?"

"You asked me what I wanted to do now. I don't know, Harry. I never made plans for the future. So for now, it would seem like a good pastime to tutor you, wouldn't you think?"

"But you hate teaching! What happened to the 'Merlin, no!'?"

Severus hesitated before answering. "I don't ... hate teaching. I don't like teaching classes full of inattentive little monsters who don't have the faintest talent for the subject."

"Oh."

"I think that tutoring you might be different. For one, you're much more mature than the Hogwarts students. Secondly, you're not as untalented as I feared for many years. And, well ... you're you."

Harry laughed softly at the last words. He'd never stop being amazed that Severus could be inarticulate at times. "Well, okay. I think it would be great if you would tutor me. You're right, it wouldn't hurt to get some NEWTs. Even though nobody will ever ask the Big Glorious Hero Savior Whatever Nonsense for his qualifications," Harry rolled his eyes. "But I will only let you tutor me on one condition."

Severus sent him an evil glare. "I will be your teacher. So, no, I will not be nice."

"That's not the condition. I kind of expect you to be the snarky Professor," Harry grinned cheekily, then went on before he could interrupt. "You have to think what you want to do in the future. Try to remember what dreams you had when you were young. What you wanted to do when you grew up. Your dreams won't be shattered, Severus. I will do everything I can to make your dreams come true this time."

).(

"Come on Sev! You prepared all that yesterday already!"

"My, my, are we impatient?" Severus smirked at Harry, who was hopping from one foot to the other in the doorway. He deliberately checked the labeled bottles unhurriedly, then packed them all. "Let's go then."

Harry grinned happily, then gave the other man a confused look when he held out his arm.

"I don't know where it is located. You'll have to Apparate us both," Severus barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

"Uhm, okay," Harry nodded. Instead of taking the proffered arm, he wrapped his arms around Severus' waist tightly. He'd never Apparated anyone else before, so he'd better grab him as tight as possible. Severus shook his head smiling and wrapped his arms around the younger man's back, guessing what he was thinking. Of course taking a hold of his arm would have been sufficient, but Harry probably wouldn't want to get into a discussion about that now. They turned on the spot, and moments later they escaped the nauseating blackness to appear on a narrow path covered with tiny white seashells. They both took a deep breath, inhaling the salty sea breeze.

"Let's go," Harry stepped out of the embrace and took Severus' hand instead, leading the way to the small cottage.

"Harry!" Bill's deep voice boomed and he pulled him into a rib-cracking hug. When he released him, the red-head turned to Severus and gave him the same treatment.

"It's been too long, Harry, Sevon!" he beamed at them. "Come on in, come on in."

"Well, we weren't allowed to see you for several weeks, isn't it?" Harry laughed and elbowed Severus in the side. "Courtesy of Mister Prince here."

"We wouldn't be able to objectively judge the change, would we?" Severus grabbed Harry's arm to stop him poking him.

"'Arry!" Fleur came bustling to them and kissed him loudly on both cheeks.

"Hiya Fleur!" Harry grinned at her. Severus was pleased to see that the young man didn't seem to be affected by the partly-Veela woman at all anymore. He looked at her surprised when she treated him with a kiss on both cheeks too, followed by a warm hug. Before he had the chance to greet her properly, their attention was drawn to Harry who was inspecting Bill's face already.

"Eet is working. I can tell," Fleur nodded her head vigorously. "See the scar 'ere?" she prodded Bill's face with her elegant fingers, but the red-head swatted her hands away benignly.

"I think she's right though," Harry said thoughtful, examining him up-close and beckoning Severus. Bill allowed them for a few minutes, then stepped back grumbling.

"Enough now."

Harry chuckled and took a seat when Fleur gestured to the couch. Severus sat down next to him, crossing his legs relaxed.

"The potion is taking effect indeed," Severus stated and turned to Harry. "What do you think?"

They discussed the progress for a while, recounting their calculations about the dosage softly. Bill watched them patiently when Fleur busied herself with refreshments. Harry was waving his hands in wide gestures and used exaggerated facial expressions whenever Severus said something that he didn't agree with. Severus' face was composed, his hands folded in his lap all the time, except when he occasionally struck out to grab Harry's arm or wrist to stop the young man's overly enthusiastic gestures.

Eventually, they agreed on the dosage and Severus pulled out the vials. With a flick of his wand he added the dosage instructions to the label, then handed them to Bill. With that business done, they rapidly changed the conversation to other topics. Before they knew it, it was getting dark and they gladly accepted the married couple's offer to stay for dinner.

"So, I heard that you were planning on taking your NEWTs after all?" Bill asked Harry once they'd discussed the whole Weasley family, Quidditch and Bill's latest adventures at work.

"Yeah, Sevon's tutoring me. I'm kinda planning a career in Potions," Harry nodded his head enthusiastically. Severus couldn't stop himself from snorting, earning him a curious look from Bill and an indignant prod in his side from Harry.

"You barely give me the chance to tutor you," Severus sneered.

"How come?"

"That's not true!" Harry called out indignantly.

"No? What about the other day, when you started lecturing me on the various methods of harvesting -"

Severus stopped talking when Harry burst out laughing. "Yeah, well, you don't exactly _explain_ things. Your teaching methods are kind of medieval sometimes."

"Well thank you very much Mister Potter," Severus said offended.

"No, no," Harry chuckled, then smiled at him fondly. "Don't be offended. I'm still learning loads, aren't I? It's just that, sometimes, at some subjects, it's more effective to explain things before making me write two scrolls of parchment on something I've never even heard of."

"He does have a point there, Sevon," Bill joined in. "Hey, Harry, don't you think you could be teaching Potions then? You obviously have a knack for Potions, and, well, I think you would be a good teacher."

"Potions Professor?" Harry's eyebrows shot up.

"I know you don't have a lightning example, having had Snape for many years. No offence Sevon, but your uncle wasn't exactly a nice teacher. Highly skilled in Potions, no doubt, but he wasn't exactly my favorite teacher," Bill grinned. "And Harry's neither. Right?"

"Nope, Snape didn't think I was his favorite pupil either," Harry grinned mischievously. "But, yeah, hmmm I've never thought about that, Bill. It doesn't even sound that appalling to me to be teaching a class of incompetent little brats."

"You might be too nice to be a teacher, 'Arry. Children need a strict hand, especially in somesing as dangerous as a potions class," Fleur said thoughtful. "On ze other hand, you have your Seeker reflexes to stop accidents from happening."

Bill nodded in agreement and watched Harry look up at Sevon hopefully. "What do you think?"

"You know what I think of teaching. I couldn't advice you on that," Severus quirked one eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But maybe you could tutor me some more. Teach me how to be a snarky bastard, for instance." A cheeky grin crossed Harry's face and Severus burst out laughing.

Bill chuckled in amusement, wondering why he'd never heard Sevon laugh out loud before. "You think he takes after his uncle? That he can teach you to be a ... strict teacher?"

"More than you'll ever know," Harry hiccupped. "I love him despite that, though."

Severus shook his head smiling and couldn't resist ruffling Harry's messy hair. He loved the insolent brat in spite of his cheeky comments.

"I'm really happy for you two, by the way," Bill smiled at the two men when Fleur disappeared to the kitchen.

"Uhm, for what?" Harry said uncertainly.

"That you two got back together. I always thought you were a sure fit."

"We –what? We're ... not," Harry shook his head astonished, then turned to Severus with big eyes. Severus felt his heart clench, a stab of pain taking his breath away.

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry. I just thought you were. It's just that, with the touches, and the way you look – Sorry, guess I was wrong," Bill mumbled.

"Uhm, yeah. Still single," Harry shrugged.

"So the rumors about you and Oliver Wood aren't true then either?" Bill asked curiously.

"I don't know exactly what the rumors say," Harry smirked, "... but we're not, like, together. Or anything. Just had some fun together. But I haven't seen him in a few weeks."

"You haven't? I thought," Severus frowned. "I thought that party you went to last weekend..."

"Oh, yeah, I think he was there too. Haven't spoken to him or anything. And you can tell George to keep his big mouth shut, okay?" Harry turned back to Bill, guessing that his younger brother was the source of the rumors.

"Oh you don't wanna know what else comes out of his big mouth!" Bill laughed lightly. "If I had to believe him, you've been quite busy. If you know what I mean." He got up from his seat and excused himself to see if his wife needed help in the kitchen.

"Have you?" Severus hardly dared to ask. He wanted to know everything, but at the same time he didn't want to know.

"Haven't I come home every night?" Harry answered, avoiding Severus' dark eyes. "I told you I wanted to experiment, right? Only, it turns out not to be as ... spectacular as I would have thought. Most of it is not even worth mentioning. Drunk, heated gropes in dark corners wasn't exactly what I would have expected. Even a wank in the shower when I'm on my own is better."

"I thought that's why you and Wood ..." Severus' voice trailed off, he couldn't get himself to say it. He'd known, somewhere deep down inside that Harry was keeping true to his word, that he was experimenting, but he never wanted to admit it to himself. He kept on hoping that Harry would change his mind, miraculously, and turn back –

"Oliver ... yeah we went to his place, took it a bit further than quick gropes. I thought you'd never want to hear anything about it, but since you're asking," Harry said softly, staring at his own hands. "Even that wasn't what I expected. And not because he's a guy, because with girls things were even – worse. He's a great guy, and we're not in a fight or something, we just decided we ... didn't work. We're not compatible."

Severus felt his heart lift. He didn't know exactly why, but Harry's whispered confession made the hope deep inside him spark slightly. "Compatible?" he quirked one eyebrow. What a strange word to use.

"Yeah, well, he didn't want to bottom, and I wasn't planning on doing that either," Harry spat out, his cheeks flushing a deep red. Severus bit his lip, trying his best to keep his expression blank. When Harry chanced a glance at him from beneath his long lashes, Severus couldn't stop the grin turning up the corners of his mouth.

"Sure, laugh at me. I can assure you, it's not funny!" Harry said angrily.

"Sorry. I'm not laughing about that. Believe me or not, I have had similar ... encounters when I was younger."

Harry stared at him for a moment, then decided that, as he was telling too much already, he could tell Severus this as well. "Did you also have ... encounters," he paused until the older man looked at him with a serious look. "Where the other one was ... extremely dominant or submissive? I mean, it doesn't have to be like that, does it? Being a top or bottom doesn't say anything about dominance, does it?"

"No, it doesn't," Severus shook his head. "It just says something about someone's preference. A bottom can be the dominant one, if there is one person dominant at all. Just like in straight couples, either the woman or the man can be dominant, but usually they're equals. You ran into ...?"

"Really submissive. Not much of a turn-on, after all," Harry mumbled. "But the ones who try to dominate me just get me all – annoyed. Even when I'm wearing a glamour and I know that it's not about the Big Glorious Whatever-thing ..."

Severus chewed his bottom lip for a while, trying to make a decision if he should leave the conversation here, or plow on. Harry might not pick up the courage to breach the subject again. And who would he go to with his questions then? "I understand that if you're not feeling ... comfortable being a bottom, that you want to try out being a top. But you should know, that there are many gay couples who don't do that at all. When they ... make love, there is no penetration at all. It's about enjoying eachother's body and presence and giving the other person pleasure. There are enough ways to do that without intercourse."

"So you're saying ... what we did, you know, that last time when we were still together, when we both got naked and, you know, just jerked off together – that qualifies as having sex?" Harry blushed heavily, stumbling over his words. When he looked up at Severus' face and saw pain reflected in his eyes, he quickly grabbed the older man's hand. "No, I don't mean it that way," Harry hurriedly said. "It wasn't _just_, you know, I mean – it was way way better than anything I've ever done with anybody else. I just didn't know ..." his voice trailed off.

Severus took a deep calming breath. Harry didn't mean to hurt him. He didn't mean to say it didn't mean anything. Because it really did, Severus could see it in the emerald eyes that looked up at him anxiously. When he became aware that Harry was still holding his hand, he gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Yes, it did qualify as making love. Now let's see if we can help out with dinner, shall we?"

).(

"Kreacher, have you seen Harry yet?" Severus paced the make-shift classroom restlessly.

"Master Harry hasn't come out of his room today," the housel-elf bowed low. "Does Master want me to -?"

"I'll go," Severus cut him off and went up the stairs two steps at a time. He didn't get an answer to his impatient knocking on the bedroom door, so he carefully opened it. Harry was sound asleep, buried deep in his blankets. Severus crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed silently. He stroked the stubbly cheek and the slack jaw, then frowned.

"Harry!" he gently shook his shoulder. "Wake up."

Harry didn't even stir, his whole body utterly relaxed and boneless. "Harry!" Severus tried again, shaking him more insistently. An ill feeling settled in his stomach. Harry never slept this deep, he'd usually have a wand at his throat already if he wasn't careful.

"POTTER! WAKE UP YOU BRAT!" he bellowed, shaking the muscular shoulders violently. Severus ran a trembling hand through his hair, standing back to examine his friend's relaxed form. He was breathing evenly and deeply.

"_Ennervate_."

Harry stirred, and after a few seconds his eyes fluttered open. "'Ey Sev," he smiled groggily.

"Wake up Harry," Severus sat back down on the edge of the bed, his anxious feelings giving his voice an harsh edge.

"Lemme sleep."

"You have to get up," Severus shook his head and hoisted the younger man up in the pillows. Harry's head swayed from side to side dangerously, and Severus quickly cupped his face in his hands. "Did you take a potion?"

Harry mumbled something unintelligible and his arm waved in the general direction of the bathroom. Severus carefully let him sink back into the pillows before he stood up to cross the room. He found three empty vials in the bathroom and he silently cursed. He only had to sniff them once to identify them: a calming draught, a pain-relief potion and Dreamless Sleep.

"Harry, did you take all three at the same time?" he showed the groggy man the vials clutched in his hand. Harry tried to sit up and swayed precariously. The vials clattered to the floor when Severus steadied him, gathering him in his arms.

"Horrible nightmare ... needed calming ..." Harry said slurred, but a hint of fear could be heard in his voice nonetheless. "And headache."

Severus swallowed thickly, imagining how bad the nightmare would have been for Harry to take a calming draught. He flat out refused to take them most of the times when Severus had woken up to hear a screaming Harry down the hall. "And you feared the nightmare would come back so you took Dreamless Sleep," Severus finished Harry's explanation about the potions.

"Yeah. Lemme sleep Sevv."

"No, Harry. It was an unfortunate combination you took. There's willow bark in all of them, and that triple dose added to the salamander ..."

"'S not a good idea?" Harry managed to lift his head a little and looked up at the older man, his hands fisting in his robes to keep upright.

"No Harry, it was not a good idea," Severus replied in a soft voice. "Come with me to the lab, and I'll make you some antidote."

"Zjust take a bezoar."

"You want me to _shove a bezoar down your throat_?" Severus said incredulously. "That is a very crude way, mister Potter. A proper antidote will be much more –"

"Do it," Harry grumbled, fighting with all his might to keep his eyes open when he sank back onto the bed.

"I'll be back in a second," Severus promised and swept from the room in a mass of billowing black robes.

Severus pointed his wand at Harry's throat to force him to swallow, then gathered him in his arms. The boneless body began to tremble violently, cold shivers running down Harry's spine.

"Next time, come to me," Severus whispered in the messy black hair, rubbing his back soothingly.

"I should have known better," Harry said angrily, all fogginess gone from his brain. His teeth were clattering when he looked up into the dark brown eyes. "How deep asleep was I?"

"_Very_ deep. Don't ever try that again, Potter." Severus forced him to crawl back into bed, under the warm blankets.

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday. We'll postpone lessons until you're better," Severus made to stand up from the bed, but Harry grabbed his arm. When he looked down into the pleading emerald eyes, Severus sighed and settled down on the bed next to the shivering man. He pulled the blankets higher over Harry's shoulders and sat down on top of the cover, propped up against the headboard.

"Was it that bad?" Severus asked softly when Harry lay his head in his lap and took a shuddering breath. His hand unconsciously crept over to the unruly mop and started stroking the younger man's messy hair.

"Worse."

"Next time -"

"Stop it, Sev. You don't come running to me either when you've had a nightmare," Harry said in a tired voice. "I hear you too, you know."

"At least I don't go mixing potions in the middle of the night," Severus smirked and softly tapped Harry's stubbly cheek.

"I won't do _that_ again," Harry scowled and stilled the older man's hand.

"Either way, I think detention is in order."

Harry's head shot up unbelievingly. "Detention!"

"Two rolls of parchment on the proper use of calming draughts and sleeping potions, Potter."

* Livor - _Jealousy_


	10. Chapter 10 Annus unus

X. Annus unus *

"Damn, it's _cold_," Harry shivered and plopped down on the couch next to Severus. The older man quirked an eyebrow when Harry wriggled his feet between Severus' thigh and the couch, but Harry didn't even bother replying to the look as he started rubbing his colorless fingers over Severus' upper arm. "Fucking freezing," he mumbled.

"It's May. How can it be freezing?"

"Okay, not _freezing_. But with the rain, it's mighty cold to be flying around on the pitch," Harry said offended, taking in Severus' skeptical look.

"So you had a good practice then?"

"So funny!" Harry slapped his arm, but continued rubbing his hands to the other man nonetheless.

"I'm not going to feel sorry for you. You're the one who insisted on playing semi-professional Quidditch."

"Yeah, well, it's fun. Most of the times. But today the weather's _bad_, you know. It wouldn't hurt if you felt at least a little bit sorry," Harry grumbled.

"Not bloody likely," Severus shifted on the couch and pulled the younger man's feet from underneath him. Before Harry could object, Severus had taken off his socks and propped the icy feet back underneath his bum. He could just feel his body heat soaking into the other man and he grabbed Harry's deadly white hands to rub them between his own.

"Oh! Ouch! Oh-ah-oooh ... damn!" Harry kept up a constant train of moans and groans when the blood returned to his extremities. It felt like a thousand needles attacking him non-stop.

"Such a pussy," Severus mumbled, just loud enough for the other man to hear. "Move your feet Potter, I have no intention on having my butt frozen off." Harry stuck out his tongue and moved his feet to another, warm spot underneath his friend's legs.

"Kreacher?" Severus barely waited for the house-elf to pop in, before he continued. "Can you bring Harry a hot chocolate please? But not too hot, so that he won't burn his hands."

Harry smiled up at his friend gratefully when he was installed under a warm blanket, his feet being massaged by Severus' strong hands and his hands cradling the warm mug. "You're the best, you know that? Even though you're always grumbling and complaining, you _do_ take care of me."

"Don't get sappy Potter. I might get nauseous." Severus scowled at him. "And I'm not."

"You're not? Not the best? Not always complaining? Or not taking care of me?" Harry yawned widely. Now that he was all toasty warm after the cold, he was getting mighty sleepy.

Severus didn't even bother replying as he saw the emerald eyes flutter shut. He squeezed Harry's feet a bit harder to wake him up again. Harry quickly gulped down his chocolate and announced that he went to bed early. Severus stared after him for a few minutes, then decided that he didn't have anything better to do either and extinguished the lights and fire before he headed upstairs.

Several hours later, Severus was still awake. He gave it up as a bad job and grabbed his bathrobe, going downstairs.

Upstairs, Harry kept on tossing and turning in his bed. He'd heard Severus go downstairs half an hour ago, and he hadn't come back upstairs since. He ran a hand through his wild hair and hoisted his pajama bottoms up as he padded out of his room barefoot.

"Hey!" Severus' face lit up when Harry entered the kitchen.

"Hay is for horses?" Harry gave him a cheeky grin and sat down opposite his friend, then eyed the glass he was holding.

"Try?" Severus took a sip from the amber liquid, the icecubes tinkling merrily in the glass. When Harry nodded, the older man retrieved a glass and poured him one finger. "It's Scotch."

Harry carefully took a sip and felt a warm, tingly feeling spread all through his body almost instantly. "Not bad."

"It's better than not bad. This is older than you, you know."

"So? If something's old, doesn't have to mean it's good," Harry shrugged, then took a longer drink. "Not a night for a sleeping potion, is it?"

"One year," Severus said softly, staring at his own hands.

"Yes. One year. Everybody will be celebrating today. Shouldn't we have our own celebration?" Harry answered just as softly. It was just after midnight, so it was May 2nd, exactly one year after they both died for a short while and got back to life. Exactly one year after the defeat of Voldemort.

"I think this night is more about remembering."

"Facing our memories?"

"And facing our fears," Severus looked up to find the emerald eyes locked on him. Harry gulped down the last of his drink without breaking eye-contact and grabbed the bottle. Severus put his hand over his own glass when he wanted to fill it.

"Are you intending to get drunk?"

"I haven't been drunk for several weeks!" Harry replied indignantly. "So don't start -"

"Not what I meant," Severus shook his head, cutting him off. "The last time we were both drunk ..."

"Oh." Harry knew exactly what he meant. They'd jerked eachother off in a moment of lust, and Severus had regretted it the next day. "You shouldn't still feel sorry about that. It's what teenagers do," Harry told him.

"Promise me we won't have sex," Severus' dark eyes bored into Harry's. "I do not wish to ruin our friendship."

Harry kept silent for a few seconds. Was this something he could promise? Yes, he could. His friendship with Severus meant too much for him to risk it over a moment of horniness. "I promise we won't have sex today."

Severus withdrew his hand from his glass and Harry poured them both two fingers. They sat in silence for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. Harry was the first to break the silence. "What do you still have nightmares about?"

Severus regarded him silently, then sat back in his chair. "It varies. The second war is more recent, but the first war is the worst. For me, at least."

"How come?"

"Because I fought for the wrong side, obviously."

"But you didn't know, back then."

"But I do know now. That's what makes it worse."

Harry slowly shook his head. "I think you're being too hard on yourself. You were young, you didn't have friends, you made a wrong choice. You saw the error later, so that makes it -"

"It doesn't undo anything! It doesn't make it right! I've done terrible things! If I wouldn't have ..." Severus shook his head violently, his voice faltering.

"Do you," Harry said carefully, "... want to tell me about it? Facing our memories, remember?"

It took one more drink and half an hour before Severus started talking. But when he eventually did, he didn't stop until Harry had heard all about the first war.

Severus' frame was bent forward over the table, his face buried in his hands. Harry couldn't see his face, but he did see the silent tears dripping down on the table. When the broad shoulders started to shake with withheld sobs, Harry stood up and went over to his friend, gathering him in his arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of Severus' head and silently held him tight.

"I wonder why everybody's always worried about my mental health," Harry whispered into his hair after a long time, when the tears had dried.

Severus let out a shaky laugh. "Because you're the good guy."

"So are you."

"Nobody knows. And besides, I died a year ago, didn't I?" Severus snorted, his voice hoarse.

"Life is unfair."

"Is it?" Severus broke the embrace and Harry went back to his chair on the opposite side of the table. They both took a long drink and stared at eachother.

Two drinks later, Harry broke the silence once again. "What parts of the second war do you have nightmares about?"

"It's your turn now, Harry. I will tell you, later."

Harry gave a deep sigh, then leant slightly towards the other man over the table. "Before Dumbledore asked you to ... end his life, would you have thought that you'd ever have to kill anyone? Not in a battle, where you're fighting for your life, but ... really _murder_ someone? Plot and plan how you have to do it, and then follow through to the end."

Severus' insides went cold when he thought about the question. He didn't have to answer though, as Harry started telling him about his war. He'd heard most of it already, but Harry had only ever told him the story, the facts, the outside. Never what it had meant to Harry personally. What it had done to him. They kept on talking all through the night, until they saw the dawn approaching.

"Have you ever seen the sunrise from the upper floor?"

Harry frowned and shook his head. "We're in the middle of London. You can't -"

"Come and see," Severus beckoned him. They both grabbed their cloak and climbed all the stairs to the top of the building.

They stood silently, side by side, watching how the first pink sliver of the sun appeared. It was breathtaking, the way the sun got bigger and bigger and changed color from minute to minute. The slight fog that hung over London gave it an extra dimension, shattering the colors all over the skyline.

When the sun had risen and they could no longer look at it directly, Harry turned towards his friend. "Thank you."

Severus looked at him intently, then a gentle smile formed on his lips. He brought his fingers up to Harry's face and brushed over his cheek once. "Sleep well Harry."

"You too," Harry whispered and turned to leave the room, blinking furiously. Why did he feel tears burning behind his eyes all of a sudden?

).(

When Harry woke up, he lay still for a while. He felt calm, rested. They'd shared their stories of the war. They'd told eachother everything there was to know about them. And still, after hearing all the gruesome things Severus had done, all the things he'd been forced to do and all the things he'd done out of free will, after reliving all the horrors of the other man's past, he still loved him.

Is this what it felt like to become an adult? Making a choice, and no matter what the outcome would be, knowing that it was the right choice? Feeling determination, where he'd always felt hesitation, fear, nerves? Harry grinned to himself when he got out of bed and grabbed a robe. It was lunchtime, which meant he'd only slept for a few hours. Still, he couldn't remember feeling more rested in a long time.

The look of determination on his face returned when he went downstairs. He had a pretty good idea where to find his friend, and indeed found Severus in the living room.

"Severus?"

The tired man looked up immediately. If Harry used his full name, it wasn't to ask what he wanted for lunch. He put his book away and sat up a bit straighter in his chair, he couldn't miss the serious, but calm look on the younger man's face.

Harry quickly looked around the room, then sat down on the edge of the coffee table so that he could face Severus, and not be all the way on the other side of the room. Their knees were barely a foot apart, and Severus couldn't help leaning forward to the other man slightly.

Harry stared at Severus' folded hands for a few seconds, trying to gather his thoughts. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, what he had to say, but it probably would come out differently. He just wasn't as eloquent as Sev.

"I know that I'm young," Harry started, then groaned when he saw the quirked eyebrow. "Please let me say what I have to say, okay?"

"I didn't utter a word."

"No, but the looks often say more than -"

"My apologies. I will try to contain the _looks_," Severus did his best to hide his smile and smirked instead.

"Git," Harry muttered, then cleared his throat and started anew. "I know I'm young, and that because of that I make a lot of mistakes. I try to behave like regular eighteen-year-olds do, but -" Harry shook his head. This wasn't going where he wanted. "That day, when you found out that I had been drugged, and you ... wanted me back ... I didn't turn you down because I didn't love you. Or because I wasn't in love with you. I tried to make the decision that other teenagers would make. I told you I wanted to experiment, and I did. Not because I _wanted_ to, but because it seemed to make sense. But ... well, I told you before that it wasn't what I expected it to be. I guess I'm just not normal in any way." Harry pulled a funny face, and Severus looked deep into the emerald eyes. He didn't see the pain or self-hate that he would have expected a few months, or even weeks ago.

"When I just woke up now," Harry continued, "... there was a song in my head. A Muggle song that I'd heard a thousand times on the radio in one of my summer holidays. I always thought it was a whiney, sappy song, but the lyrics somehow make sense. I don't remember them exactly, but there's some phrases ... 'I go out every night and sleep all day, since you took your love away. Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want, I can see whomever I choose. I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant, but nothing can take away these blues, because nothing compares to you. I could put my arms round every boy I see, but they'd only remind me of you. Because nothing compares to you.' And that, Sev, is true. Each and every time I met someone interesting, it turned out that I found them interesting because they had something that reminded me of you. Sometimes the looks, sometimes the way of speaking, sometimes the sense of humor. I only realized that just now. _But nothing compares to you_. You're not an ordinary bloke, and I like that about you. You made me realize it's not so bad to be different. So I decided ... to just follow my heart instead of my head. That's why I'm telling you all this. It's all sappy and corny and ... whatever. But it's what I wanted to tell you. I know I hurt you. Deeply. And for that I apologize, even though I know it's not something you can apologize for. But I want you to know that I'm the luckiest person on earth to have you as a friend. We talked all night, and still after hearing ... everything, you still didn't think different of me. I don't think different of you either, even when you thought you'd scare me away. Well, maybe I do think a bit different of you, because it made me realize that I love you, no matter what. And even though I know I broke your heart and you'll never ..." Harry's voice, which had been composed the whole time, now broke. He swallowed hard, and whispered six more words before breaking eye-contact with the dark, golden-specked eyes. "And I'm in love with you."

Severus looked at the young man in front of him, trying to process all he'd just said. Harry's eyes were downcast, his face half hidden behind his messy hair. He did see the single tear rolling down, though.

"Harry?"

Harry shook his head and stood up, turning to leave the room.

"Why are you crying?" Severus swept across the room and spun the younger man around. Harry's shoulders were slumped, and he refused to look up at his friend.

"There is no reason to cry," Severus swept his thumb over the wet trace.

"I thought you deserved to know. That's why I told you. I don't expect you to -"

"I'm in love with you too, you stupid brat."

"What?" Harry's head snapped up, an incredulous look on his face.

"Stupid brat," Severus repeated and pulled him into his arms. He buried his nose in the messy black hair, a smile on his face. After a few seconds it finally seemed to sink in with Harry and his arms came around the taller man's back and he hugged him back just as tightly.

They stood there for an eternity, and when Severus finally felt a bit of the tension drain from the younger man's body, he softly whispered: "So I have a sense of humor?"

Harry took a step back to look at his face, then laughed softly. "Of all the things I said, _that_ is what you remember?"

"I also remember you saying that you're in love with me."

Harry remained silent for a moment, staring deep into the dark eyes. "Do you want to ... give it another try? Us?"

"You can be so dense, Potter," Severus shook his head, putting his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "Of course. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't."

"I can think of a lot of reasons why you wouldn't want -"

"Don't," Severus shook his head, chuckling. "Stupid brat."

"That's one reason."

"It's not. I want you to be _my _ brat. Now don't make me say it once again, because I don't want to get as corny and sappy as you," Severus gave a fake shudder.

"Git," Harry said fondly and smiled up at the older man. He couldn't believe that Sev wanted him to be his boyfriend again, after all he'd done to him, after how he'd hurt him. But his heart leapt and his belly filled with butterflies when their lips met in a gentle kiss. Before he could melt into a boneless mass, Harry pulled back. He caressed Severus' face with his fingertips, seeing the effects of a sleepless night.

"You didn't go to sleep at all, did you?"

Severus merely shook his head and kissed him once more. Again, Harry was the one who pulled back. He took Severus' hand and lead him to the door. "Come. You have to get some sleep. This evening there is this ... thing ... party ... celebration, whatever, I have to attend. And I want you to come with me. You don't want to look like the Inferi, do you?"

"I don't -"

Harry shook his head, cutting the other man off. "No discussion. Or do you want me to secretly feed you a sleeping potion?"

"You wouldn't dare," Severus glared at him.

"Do you really want to find out?" Harry grinned. He dropped his robe when they entered Severus' bedroom and crawled into his bed. "I will keep you company," he promised.

"And you think I will sleep?" Severus shook his head and crawled in after him. He wrapped his arms tightly around the slender frame and pulled him in for a kiss. "With you in bed with me?"

"Of course you will. You must be really tired. And I will wake you if you have a nightmare."

"And I thought you were the horny teenager," Severus answered exasperated.

"Wha-. Oh!" Harry finally realized what he meant, then smiled. "Even though I am in bed with you, I'm keeping my pajama's on. This time."

As on command, Severus' hands crept underneath Harry's clothes, but Harry pushed him away, giggling. "You are the one who made me promise, and I'm not going to break that promise."

"What promise?" Severus grumbled.

"That we wouldn't have sex today."

Severus stared at him silently, then eventually he smiled in spite of himself. "Fine. Have it your way," he rolled away from the younger man and got into a comfortable sleeping position. When Harry snuggled up to him and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, he let out a deep sigh.

Well, this wasn't such a bad idea of the brat. _His_ brat.

).(

_Two months later_

"Hey you," Harry said softly when he entered the living room. Severus smiled tenderly and tilted his face up at him when he passed the couch. Harry leaned down and pressed a loving kiss to his lips before he plopped down on the couch. The younger man mirrored his relaxed position on the couch and their legs tangled comfortably. When Harry apparently didn't come to talk, Severus dug back into his book, sipping his wine.

"Mmm's good," Harry mumbled when he poured himself a glass as well.

"Your taste's getting more refined," Severus replied without thinking.

"Nah," Harry smiled into his glass. "I can't possibly get as refined as you."

"Dare to say that again when you're my age," Severus smiled, then looked up when Harry didn't reply.

"You really mean that, don't you?" the younger man looked at him astonished.

Severus grumbled something unintelligible, then said a bit louder, "You get me to be too relaxed around you."

Harry just chuckled at that and rubbed his foot along Severus' thigh lovingly. The usually stern man smiled at that and Harry crawled over to him. They kissed leisurely, all limbs mingling and bodies merging. When the kiss deepened and became more urgent, Harry pulled back and sat back down in his old spot on the other side of the couch. Severus didn't comment and just barely kept himself from sighing or moaning disappointedly. Instead, he tangled his legs with Harry's and went back to reading his book.

A long time later, when he reached out for his drink, he absentmindedly looked up and got struck by the look on Harry's face. The younger man was staring at him wistfully.

"Spit it out … Harry." He'd almost said 'Potter', force of habit, but something told him that that wouldn't be appreciated at all at this moment.

"Hmm?" Harry's eyes focused and Severus almost thought he saw tears glistening in the emerald depths.

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

Harry shook his head, but Severus didn't buy it as the younger man withdrew his legs and planted his feet on the floor, breaking all bodily contact between them. "Okay, you don't want to. Is there something you _need_ to talk about?" Severus rephrased.

Harry shook his head.

"Is this about … us? Or is there something else?"

Harry gave a tiny nod, followed by a head-shake.

"Did I do something wrong? Harry?"

Harry gave a deep sigh, then crawled back to his boyfriend. He brought his face level and stared into the dark, golden-specked eyes. When he wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, the older man slipped his arms around his back and hugged him tighter.

"Why do you never initiate contact?" Harry softly asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Why do you always wait for me to make a move? You don't come over to kiss me, hug me, anything."

"Don't I always … tilt my head up so you can kiss me? Invite you into my arms? Even sit at the table so that you can come sit in my lap?" Severus said carefully, not sure what Harry was getting at.

"But I would like it if you would initiate a kiss now and then. I don't expect you to be all mushy and all, and I know you have to keep up the snarky façade …" Harry's voice trailed off.

"Ha … I gave that up with you a long time ago, didn't I?" Severus smirked. Harry snorted and broke away from his embrace, sitting back.

"Except when you are tutoring me."

"I seriously don't see how I could be _nice_ while trying to get some knowledge through that thick skull of you, Mr. Potter."

"Professor Prince," Harry replied with a smirk.

"You really hated the old Professor Snape, didn't you?" Severus said softly as he slowly crept closer to the younger man.

"I didn't," Harry shook his head, "I just strongly disliked you. Thought you were unfair with your favoritism towards Slytherin, your detracting of Gryffindor points, your constant commenting on my skills, while doing nothing to –"

Severus cut him off, laughing softly. "I know. But you'll never hear me apologize for that. I just hope that you like Professor Prince a bit better." Severus leaned in and captured Harry's lips in a searing kiss. Harry let out a surprised sound and the older man took the opportunity of his parted lips to slip his tongue in. They kissed hungrily, passionately.

"Now was that so hard?" Harry said breathless when he pulled back, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Might be," Severus nodded.

"Or are you only going to kiss me 'spontaneously' if you want to shut me up?"

"Might be," Severus repeated, a smirk on his thin lips. Harry smirked back and kissed him again for good measure. Just when Severus wanted to deepen the kiss and wrap himself more firmly around his boyfriend, Harry pulled back and pushed lightly at his chest. Again, Severus didn't comment or complain, but he couldn't stop himself from sighing softly this time.

"That wasn't what's on your mind, is it?" Severus said a long, quiet time later. The wistful look was back in the green eyes. "Harry?"

"I'm just being stupid," he mumbled.

"If it is something that's bothering you, then it's not stupid."

"I'm scared I'll do something wrong! That I won't be what you expect of me, that you'll see me as …" Harry's voice trailed off as he mumbled something unintelligible.

"As what?" Severus gently put his finger under Harry's chin to make him look up at him.

"An inexperienced little boy."

"Is this about … ?"

"About sex, yeah," Harry looked at him defiantly.

"Making love, I was going to say," Severus smiled, then cupped Harry's face in both his hands. "I can't honestly say what I expect of you, except that I expect you to be your unpredictable, spontaneous self. I will never push you to do something you don't want to do, you just have to tell me your boundaries. And yes, I might be more experienced than you, but you've got more experience with showing someone that you care about them."

"That's it, isn't it? I don't just care about you, I love you. So want it to be perfect!"

"Nothing can ever be perfect. Please don't have expectations too high of me, I will only disappoint you," Severus said earnestly, seriously.

"You will never disappoint me! You're perfect, so handsome and the way you move is always so graceful. I could never be like you!"

Severus looked taken aback at Harry's little outburst. "Harry, I don't want you to be like me! Please not! I love you for who_ you _are. We've been together for two months now, and have I ever pushed you to do more than kiss? When I asked you to spend the night with me last week, I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted you to be able to sleep without nightmares. I am more than happy if I can just hold you and you will just kiss me or if you just shower my face in all those disgustingly wet little kisses." Severus scowled at his boyfriend and added for good measure, "I hope you listened well because I'm not planning on giving a sappy, corny speech like that again."

"You don't have to," Harry's face lit up in a big smile and he wrapped his arms around the taller man's neck, making them both tumble over in his enthusiasm.

Severus chuckled when Harry giggled in his ear and flicked his tongue out. "Good."

"Good?" Harry repeated mischievously and swept his tongue over his earlobe before showering his boyfriend's face in said wet little kisses.

"Disgusting," Severus groaned, but then couldn't stop himself from moaning when Harry's mouth latched on to a particular sensitive spot in his neck.

"Don't worry, I'll remember everything you said, you won't have to embarrass yourself by being so corny again," Harry whispered to his lips. "Now can we go to bed then?"

Severus backed away a little to look into the green eyes, to gauge if he wanted to spend the night together. Finally, after all the long, lonely nights.

"Can I …" Harry blushed slightly, and Severus kissed him briefly to encourage him to go on. "Uhm … your bed? I kinda like your silk sheets."

"Nice. Really nice, Potter. You don't want to spend the night with me because of me, but because of my silk sheets."

"Exactly. As long as you know that," Harry grinned his impish grin and latched their mouths together in a passionate kiss. This time he didn't pull back when Severus moaned and pulled him as close as he could get. Now he knew for sure that Sev wouldn't be disappointed if they didn't take it any further than kissing. He wouldn't push him to do things he wasn't ready for. As quick and uninhibited as Harry might have been with his one-night-stands, he didn't want to rush things now that he held Severus' heart in his hands. Because he was sure of that.

And the other way around, of course.

Harry slowly woke up, reveling in the warmth of the bed. The bed? He realized slowly that it was Severus' warmth he felt, and snuggled up a little closer to him. He sighed contented when he thought back of last night. They'd kissed for hours, hugged, snuggled … everything Harry loved to do so much with his boyfriend. Sev hadn't pushed him to anything, even though Harry knew he wanted to do so much more. Harry briefly wondered if there was something wrong with him … they were both adults, and he didn't want to take it any further? But then Harry felt his morning erection. It appeared every morning when he thought of Sev. No, there wasn't anything wrong with him. He was just insecure, that's why they were taking it slow.

Slow?

His persistent erection wasn't agreeing with that as he wrapped his arms around the older man and planted soft kisses all over his face.

"I know you're awake now," Harry whispered, chuckling. Severus grumbled something unintelligible, but his arms wrapped around Harry's slender frame anyway. He buried his face in the younger man's neck, mumbling some more.

"That's tickling," Harry giggled once more and moved away. Severus wasn't having any of that and pulled him back to him forcefully. Harry's breath escaped in a 'huff' and he maneuvered his leg over Severus' waist to press their bodies closer together.

"Morning," Harry grinned and pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend's lips. In reply, Severus' arms wrapped around him a bit tighter and Harry moved his body further so that he lay down on top of him, enveloped in his strong arms.

"Mmm good morning indeed," Severus mumbled to his lips and gave his hips a little wiggle. Harry only now realized that his erection was pressing into Severus' stomach and he blushed brilliantly. Despite his embarrassment, he couldn't help wriggling back, causing friction between them. A small moan escaped his lips when he felt Severus' prick growing into a burgeoning erection instantly.

Severus attacked his mouth hungrily, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Harry's lips parted instantly, allowing the other man to slip him the tongue. As their kiss deepened, Harry rocked his hips again, mirrored by Severus. Harry's hand slipped under the other man's shirt, as if on their own accord. He traced his ribs, hands sliding up and down over his sides. A breathy moan escaped Severus' lips when he broke the kiss by lack of oxygen. He traced kisses along Harry's jaw and latched on to a sensitive spot in his neck. Harry practically melted in his arms, turning into a pile of Harry-shaped goo. He let out a needy whimper as his fingers dug into Severus' skin at a particularly heavy thrust of the older man's hips. Harry's hands wandered to his nipples, toying with them and teasing his boyfriend. Severus couldn't help his hands grabbing the younger man's ass, latching on to him with no intent on letting go any time soon. At this sensation, Harry pushed himself more firmly to the other man. He moved Severus' shirt up, lowering his head to kiss the pale skin that he uncovered. He tugged on the shirt until Severus lifted up his shoulders so he could slide the shirt all the way off. Harry made a contented sound when his hands and lips wandered all over the broad expanse of Severus' chest. Severus let out another breathy moan before he gently pushed Harry away.

"Are you sure you want this Harry?"

Harry didn't answer but attacked the pale skin with youthful enthusiasm, letting his breath ghost over the moist surface to let the other man shiver in pleasure.

"Harry?" Severus tried again, softly. "I don't want you to regret it later."

Harry wriggled his way up the other man's body and let their lips lock for a chaste kiss. "Hush. This is how it's supposed to go, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Without having it all planned out. Don't worry, this feels too good to regret it later. And besides, I rarely regret anything I've done," Harry kissed him again, nibbling on his lower lip softly before pulling back slightly. "Most things I regret, are things I _haven't _done."

Severus moaned softly into the kiss when their tongues caressed eachother. His hands disappeared under Harry's shirt and he reveled in the feel of the smooth skin, unlike his own scarred back. "Sure?"

"Sure," Harry whispered and pressed their bodies together even tighter, if that was possible. "I love you Sev."

"I love you too, brat."

Harry giggled and bit his neck softly, teasingly. Severus grumbled and dug his fingers into his skin warningly, resulting in a startled yelp. This only made Harry leave more bite marks, his teeth sinking into the tender skin teasingly. Severus couldn't help moaning and thrashing around at the assault.

"Please stop," he whimpered. Harry grinned wickedly as he straddled his waist and sat up.

"Why? You don't like it?"

Severus grumbled and pulled his head towards him to claim his mouth in a passionate kiss. His hands slowly worked Harry's shirt higher and the green-eyed man obediently lifted his arms to let it slide all the way off.

They both moaned softly when their naked skin touched and Severus' hands traced the slender frame reverently. Harry blushed faintly when he noticed the intense stare and he grabbed his boyfriend's hands to lace their fingers.

"Don't stare at me like that," he whispered to his lips and put their arms over their heads. He slowly let his hands slide down, all the way down Severus' arms, shoulders, side, down to his hips. Harry moved his body lower, getting some delicious friction between their erections. He could feel a damp spot in his own pants as his hands traced the waistband of Severus' boxers. His green eyes flitted up to the other man's face, but Severus was just staring at him expectantly, biting his lower lip. Harry slid slowly down, taking the boxers with him as he went. His eyes slid over every inch that he revealed, the narrow, boney hips, the groin with the leaking erection, the slender, muscled legs all the way down to the elegant feet. Harry kissed his way up the pale legs, gently sucking the tender skin of the inner thighs. Severus parted his legs slightly, giving Harry room to settle between them as he worked his way up higher. When Harry's mouth latched on to his hipbone and his hands found its way to his ass, squeezing his cheeks slightly, Severus' head pressed back into the pillow, his mouth opened in a silent cry. His hand moved through Harry's hair, the other fisted the sheets compulsively in his attempt not to buck his hips up. Harry smiled and moved higher, locking their mouths together in a hot kiss. Severus' hands found their way down to the younger man's pants, pushing them and his boxers down his hips. He flipped them both over in one fluent movement, working the last pieces of clothing down and off quickly. Harry gasped when his weeping cock got exposed to the air, springing free at last. A double groan sounded through the air when their erections rubbed together, the few drops of precum spreading and adding to the sensation.

Harry's hand tangled in the other man's hair when they kissed hungrily and he flipped them both over. "Tell me if I do anything wrong," he whispered in Severus' ear, getting a breathy moan and a small nod in response. Harry wriggled his way down, until he was straddling the other man's thighs and he sat up. His gaze fixed on the hard cock lying on Severus' flat stomach, until he wrapped his hand around it. Severus' back arched and the green eyes shot up to his face. The dark eyes were fixed on him expectantly and they snapped shut in pleasure when Harry experimentally moved his fingers, his thumb brushing over the moist tip of his erection. The young man tore his eyes away from the face and set an easy rhythm, his fingers occasionally brushing over the head, spreading the precum and adding to the smoothness of his motions. Harry's eyes flitted back to his face when he tentatively brushed a finger of his free hand over his balls. Severus' tongue flicked out to moisten his dry lips as he thrust harder into his young lover's hand. Harry took this as an encouragement and cupped the heavy balls in his hand. It seemed like his hand was made for just this purpose, as it fitted perfectly. He rolled them between his fingers, drawing more breathy moans from Severus' parted lips. The hand moving up and down his erection moved more erratic as Harry tried to divide his attention between his two hands, couldn't decide what he wanted to look at: the look of pleasure on his boyfriend's face, or the mesmerizing sight of his privates in his hands, the steady trickling of precum and the ball sac that sat so snugly in his hand.

Severus' back arched and he bucked his hips up in the other man's hand more persistently, making Harry pick up the pace. As he softly kneaded his balls, one finger ghosting behind them, Severus whimpered with need. Harry repeated the motion, never having dared to dream that Sev would actually _whimper_, and wanting to hear it again. He got what he wished, and when he pressed his finger a bit firmer to his perineum, Severus tensed up. His head bent backwards as he came, pearly strands of cum landing on his stomach and Harry's hand. Severus wrapped a hand around Harry's wrist, stilling his movements as he rode out his orgasm with tiny thrusts into Harry's hand.

"Wow," Harry said breathless, amazed by the fact that he had made Sev come undone like that. The dark eyes fluttered open and a satisfied smirk decorated the thin lips.

"You can say that," he smirked and he reached under his pillow, grabbing his wand to clean up the mess. He gathered Harry in his arms and kissed him deeply, his hands roaming over the smooth skin of his back. Harry groaned and bucked his hips when the elegant hands ghosted over his ass.

"Let me take care of you," Severus whispered in his ear, the low, seductive tone travelling straight to Harry's groin. He would have thought it impossible, but Harry grew even harder when Severus flipped him onto his back and his eyes roamed over his body hungrily, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips when he saw the smearing of precum, the slight stirring of Harry's erection on his stomach. The elegant, long fingers wrapped around it confidently, making Harry sigh contented, his eyes fluttering shut.

"I wish to taste you. May I?" Severus whispered, his voice slightly hoarse. Harry bucked up his hips, pushing his cock further into the warm hand enveloping him firmly. Severus leaned over to him, his breath ghosting over the other man's ear. "Harry?"

"Please," he whimpered, his green eyes opening just before they kissed passionately, teeth clashing. Severus' hand kept on stroking his cock, until he moved down the lean body and swept his tongue over Harry's erection, eliciting a pleased moan from him.

Harry's fists clenched the sheets as Severus' head lowered and engulfed him with his hot, wet mouth. Severus' fingers wrapped around the base of his cock when a needy whimper sounded loudly through the air. He squeezed a bit tighter, acting as a cock-ring to prevent Harry from coming too soon. Even through the sex-high he was on, even though he was reveling in the taste and feeling of Harry's cock in his mouth, Severus kept his head enough to remember that Harry would be embarrassed if he came too soon.

Harry relaxed slightly, his fingers caressing his boyfriend's shoulders and tangling in his long hair gently. "Oh God, yes, so good," he moaned as Severus kept bobbing his head up and down, his tongue swirling around the head in a maddening combination with the suction of the man's hollowed cheeks. Harry kept on a constant string of moaned, meaningless words, sucking in a breath when Severus' teeth softly scraped the sensitive underside of his cock.

"Please, please Sev, oh please I need … oooh Sev please!"

Severus chuckled, sending vibrations through his cock all the way up through his spine, exploding in Harry's brain like firework. Severus' loosened his fingers around the base of his erection, sucking him in once more and swallowing around the head.

"Oh sweet Merlin! I'm gonna … Sev I'm gonna …" Harry choked out, barely refraining himself from bucking up into the hot mouth engulfing him. The older man withdrew and pumped the hard shaft with his hand a few times, watching Harry's face as he let himself get carried away in his orgasm. His eyes were shut in pleasure, his lower lip sucked in as his whole body tensed up and relaxed, tensed up then relaxed again. The green eyes opened when Severus' tongue flicked over one of his nipples, where a strand of cum had landed. Harry took a shuddering breath, his arms falling limply to his sides.

Severus chuckled at the sight of the relaxed frame, noticing that Harry didn't feel self-conscious at all for the very first time. He cleaned them both up with a simple charm and lay down, gathering the younger man in his arms. When Harry leaned up to kiss him, he backed away slightly. "Wait, let me -" Severus reached for his wand once again to clean out his mouth, but Harry stopped him.

"Do I taste that bad?" he asked impishly.

"Not at all. I just figured that you wouldn't want to taste yourself … on me," Severus mumbled the last few words, seeing that he'd thought wrong.

"Do you think I never tasted myself?" Harry whispered with a mischievous glint in his eyes, making his boyfriend chuckle. "Now shut up and let me kiss you."

"Only because you're asking so nicely, Mr. Potter," Severus replied grinning and captured his boyfriend's lips in a deep, loving kiss.

* Annus unus – _One year_


	11. Chapter 11 Fiducia

XI. Fiducia *

"Severus!" Harry opened the bedroom door so hard that it slammed into the wall. Severus shot up in bed, wand in his hand instantly.

"Harry! What's wrong?" he stared at the younger man, standing in the doorway in just his pajama bottoms.

"Why are you here? Why didn't you come to my bed?"

"Excuse me?" Severus raised his eyebrows and sighed inwardly. Harry wasn't going to have one of his adolescent rants in the middle of the night, was he?

"We've been sleeping together for weeks now! And then one time, _one time_, I go to bed earlier and you decide to go to your own bed? Is something wrong with my bedroom, or what? Do I always have to come to _your_ bed?"

Severus got out of bed silently and padded over to the door stark naked, his wand still in his hand. He grabbed Harry's upper arm not too gently and steered him into the younger man's dimly lit bedroom where he released him. He clambered into the bed, sliding deep under the warm covers and holding them open for Harry.

"You wanted me in your bed? Here I am. Now get your ass over here or you'll be sorry."

Harry stared at him incredulously, then crawled in next to him. "Don't think this makes it all okay. You're still making me initiate everything! I always have to make the first move or ask you to do something!" Harry said angrily, flustered.

"Let me guess, it bothers you?" Severus quirked one eyebrow.

"Bothers me?" Harry bristled, an angry flush coloring his cheeks. Severus swallowed thickly. Harry looked very sexy when he was angry.

"Yes it bothers me! Isn't it obvious? What else do you want me to say? What else do you want me to do?" Harry's green eyes flashed dangerously.

"Well, this is a start. You have to _tell_ me, Harry. I can't read your mind. You're still no master in Occlumency, so I could of course -"

"You'd use Legilimency on me?" Harry fumed.

"No. I was going to say that I won't use that on you, so there's only one way to let me know what you want. _Tell me_."

"I want you to come to my bed, even if I went to bed earlier. That I'm tired, doesn't mean I don't want to wake up next to you!"

"Or else you'll wake me up yelling every time? In the middle of the night?" Severus riled the younger man further. Harry went on in full rant mode, but Severus' thoughts drifted when he felt himself get hard. Why on earth did Harry have to look so sexy like this? It's not like he would be prepared to help him with his erection as long as he was this angry. And nothing he could say would calm him down right now. There was only one thing he could do about his throbbing cock if he wanted to get any sleep for the remainder of the night. His hand crept lower under the sheets, stroking down the faint trail of hair from his bellybutton down, until his hand firmly wrapped around his leaking erection. His eyes were fixed on Harry, who was still ranting, oblivious to Severus' thoughts, for as long as it lasted. And as Severus expected when he set a steady pace, pumping his hard shaft, Harry suddenly became aware of the movement and the rustle of the sheets.

"What the -" Harry grunted and yanked the covers up. His eyes widened comically when he saw his boyfriend's burgeoning erection, and more important, his hand sliding up and down in a fast pace. The green eyes shot up to Severus' face, and the older man couldn't stop a moan from escaping his lips when he met Harry's heated gaze.

"Stop it, you prick!" Harry ground out, half unbelieving, half indignant.

Severus didn't stop though as he was already too far gone, his hand moving up and down even faster. Harry's flushed face looked too sexy, the still-angry set of his mouth only adding to Severus' arousal.

"I'm telling you to – calling you – yelling at you, and you go and … and … jerk off in front of me?" Harry stumbled over his words, his voice suddenly turning hoarse at the end. Severus' eyes snapped shut as he shot his load over his stomach and hand, Harry's name on his lips in a low groan.

"Unbelievable," Harry grumbled when Severus stretched himself luxuriously, then cleaned himself with a simple spell.

"You just look too sexy when you're angry," Severus smirked and turned his head to kiss Harry, but he quickly backed away.

"I'm going to sleep," Harry muttered, not knowing whether he should remain angry, or just laugh at the situation. He was leaning towards the latter, but he didn't want to let Severus know that. He turned to his side to go to sleep, his back turned to the older man. This suited Severus just fine, and he spooned his boyfriend, pressing a kiss to his naked shoulder.

"If it bothers you so much, maybe we shouldn't have separate bedrooms anymore. We could move into the master bedroom together," Severus whispered in his hair and wrapped an arm around the slender frame, a hand resting on Harry's chest.

Harry didn't answer, but Severus knew he wasn't angry anymore when Harry's fingers laced with his just before he drifted off to sleep.

).(

"My, my, are we in a bad mood?" Severus drawled when Harry glared at him.

"You've been a foul git for days! Your bad mood is getting contagious, so don't blame me for it!"

"I've been _what_?"

Harry didn't even flinch at the menacing tone in the other man's voice. "You heard me."

"Well, well, you've been more observant than I'd give you credit for. Ever thought of asking me _why _I'm in a bad mood instead of just -" Severus stopped when he saw the baffled look on Harry's face.

"Why are you in a bad mood then?"

"Never mind. Too late now, Potter."

Harry shook his head and stepped close to his boyfriend, looking into the dark eyes. "Why? What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

Severus sighed. "Why do you always think it's something _you_ did?"

"You haven't told me you love me for several days."

"You know I do. I don't have to repeat it every day."

"You do," Harry said softly.

"Yes, I do. What's it gonna take to get it through your thick skull, Potter?"

"I meant, you do have to repeat it. I say it to you often too, don't I?"

"I never asked for you to profess your undying love for me every day," Severus grumbled. Harry stared at him, his green eyes round and wide and filled with hurt. He then started blinking furiously and turned around, quickly leaving the room.

"You're crying."

"Quite observant," Harry replied, quickly wiping his tears when he heard Severus entering the kitchen. He grabbed a glass and filled it with water, his hand trembling when he took a gulp, his back turned to Severus.

"You don't have to hide your tears from me." Severus' voice was soft, gentle.

"You shouldn't have made me cry in the first place."

"I could apologize, but it wouldn't make it any better, would it? And I can't promise you I won't do it again, because as you so rightly said earlier, I'm a foul git."

Harry snorted and finally turned around to look at the other man, waiting for him to continue. When Severus kept silent, Harry eventually sighed. "The least you could say then, is that you love me. No, wait, forget it. I wanted you to say it spontaneously. Like you really mean it."

"I do mean it when I say it. How could you think that I'd lie to you?" Severus' voice had a dangerous tone to it as he took a step closer.

"You don't have to lie if you never say it."

"Harry, stop playing games. You _know_ that I love you, and I do tell you that I love you, only not as often as you do."

"You _never_ tell me!" Harry's voice was full of tears again, his green eyes blinking rapidly. "I just … need the reassurance. Or whatever," he added softly.

Severus stared at his boyfriend intently, until he finally raised his emerald eyes from the floor and looked back at him. "Don't I tell you that I love you when we're in bed?"

"That… that's just words."

Severus looked at him incredulously. "It's always just words."

"It's just something you say when you're aroused and well … just something you say in the throes of passion…" Harry mumbled, a faint blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Believe me, it is not." Severus turned on his heels and left the room, an unreadable look on his face.

"Did I insult you? If I did, I'm sorry."

Severus kept his head bent over his book when he heard Harry's hesitant question a while later. He hadn't been able to read a word, his thoughts filled with Harry and Harry only. He just didn't understand what was going through his boyfriend's head. Why the young man was like this, why he needed to be reassured all the time. And why, when he himself gave everything when they were in bed together, Harry did seem to hold back all the time. For several weeks they'd been sharing the master bedroom, and Harry seemed to want him, showering him in kisses and whispering sweet little words. But he'd never done anything more than jerk him off. He'd let Severus suck him off, and he seemed to enjoy the blow-jobs more than the hand-jobs, but he'd never reciprocated. Was Severus' body that repulsive after all?

"You didn't just now."

"Does that mean that I insulted you earlier?" Harry entered the room, his body language showing that he was feeling miserable. As Harry sat down, Severus looked at him contemplatively for a long time. When Harry averted his eyes, Severus reached out and cupped his chin in his hand, making him look back at him. He tried to read the expression on the younger man's face, decipher the look in the emerald eyes. Severus gave a soft sigh and lowered his hand, letting it fall limply to his side.

"I guess this means we need to have a talk?" Harry said, his voice trembling.

"Now's as good a time as any," Severus nodded, running a hand over his face tiredly.

"What did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong!" Severus snapped, then sighed. "There's some things I'd like to know though. Some things I don't understand." He gave another sigh and glanced at Harry's bent-down head, hearing his erratic breathing. He flicked his wand and two filled glasses appeared from the kitchen. He handed one to Harry, who took a long gulp, then choked on it and spit out most of it in a serious bout of coughing. Severus scooted closer to him and clapped his back gently until the coughing subsided and the gulping breaths returned to a somewhat normal rhythm.

"I should have warned you," Severus took a small sip of his Firewhiskey when he was sure Harry was alright.

"It's okay. I think I can use a good dose of alcohol for this … talk," Harry mumbled, his voice hoarse. Severus discovered that the younger man's hand was trembling badly when he tried to take a small sip of his drink. He put his hand over Harry's, steadying him.

"What do you mean?" Severus said softly, seeing the fear in Harry's eyes. "What are you so scared of?"

Harry shook his head frantically, tears forming in his eyes.

"What, Harry? I know that some topics are hard to talk about, even if you're close to eachother. Even if you've shared your stories of the past, shared so much. More than I'd ever imagined I'd share with someone. And since alcohol seemed to help last time, I thought we could use some too this time." He waited patiently until Harry had finished his drink, then filled up his glass once again. Eventually Harry looked up at him.

"I'm scared you're gonna leave me."

"Leave you? Why on earth would I leave you?" Severus called out, then sighed softly. "I love you Harry. There, I said it. I should be the one worried about _you_ leaving _me._"

"You – what – why … me?" Harry stuttered, his eyes round and incredulous.

"For someone of your own age, someone … attractive," Severus whispered the last word, and it took a few seconds to sink in with Harry what he'd said.

"I told you a million times that I don't want someone of my own age, and you're the only one I want!"

"And I told you a million times that I love you, right? Why do you expect me to believe you, when you don't believe me yourself?" Severus reasoned softly.

Harry remained silent for a while, trying to gather his thoughts. "Whispered words in the dark … they're not real to me. Not true."

"So when I whisper to you in the dark, you don't believe me?" Severus' brows were knitted together in confusion.

"Don't you get it?" Harry threw him a pleading look.

"Does this have to do with the Dark Lord? That you heard him mostly when you were in bed, when your defences were lowered most?"

"Well …" Harry thought for a few seconds. "No. Not anymore. I know that I defeated him, so I'm not scared of that. It's … it's …" he shook his head and couldn't go on.

"Your past with your family then?" Severus said softly, gathering the younger man in his arms. He loved him so much, and it hurt to see him in such a state.

"In my cupboard, in the dark … when they'd locked me up because I did something wrong, they would stand outside it and … and … tell me … how useless I was. What a freak I was."

Severus remained silent, gently rocking him back and forth. To keep his sanity, Harry had pulled up his shields and managed to make himself believe to some extend that whispered words in the dark were lies.

Harry took a shuddering breath, pulling himself together. He broke free from the hug and backed away a little to look into the dark eyes. "Why … when did I insult you?"

"Harry, you know of my past. With my family, and with the Death Eaters. I've never known love before you, nobody ever showed me how to show affection. I simply don't know _how_. The only place where I could be myself, was in my bedroom, alone. The only place where I feel comfortable to speak my mind … is in the bedroom."

"And somehow I insulted you."

"It makes me feel like you don't … want me. I feel like you don't trust me entirely." Severus took a long drink and refilled their glasses once again. He swallowed thickly. "I try to show you how much I care about you while doing our everyday things. I try to show you when we eat, when we relax after class. I try, because I know that's what you want. Need. Apparently I didn't succeed, but believe me, I try. But the place where I feel most like myself, the place where I need _your_ reassurance, it feels like …"

Harry's eyes were narrowed. "I don't give enough in the bedroom? What about you not wanting to push me to do something I don't want to do?"

"That's not what I mean," Severus shook his head, his cheeks a faint pink. "It doesn't matter _what_ we do, but the way you … we … do it."

"I'm doing things wrong. I knew it," Harry buried his face in his hands.

"You're not doing anything _wrong_. It's just that I feel like you're not really giving yourself. You're always holding back, that's what I mean."

"Of course I'm always holding back! All my life I've been lived by others, I could never decide anything for my own! Now I finally got control over my own life and –" Harry stopped midsentence, realization sinking in. "Oh. Yeah. I'm scared of losing control," he admitted in a soft voice. Severus pulled him into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"What do you think will happen if you lose control when you're with me?"

"Wait, it's not just that," Harry pulled back, shaking his head. "It's also … I can't control your reactions to me."

"Why would you want to – You're always scared you're doing something wrong?"

"Of course I am! If I wasn't doing anything wrong, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now, would we?" Harry called out passionately.

"Can you please, for once, stop blaming yourself?" Severus said a bit impatient. "I promised, I'd tell you if you do anything wrong. And why would you want to control my reactions? I always love the unpredicted way you react _to me_. Until you draw back, that is," he muttered the last sentence.

"I just want to stay in control," Harry said softly, a defeated tone in his voice.

"I will let you be in control at all times. But that doesn't mean you can't let go. And what if you _did_ lose control when you're with me? What could be the worst to happen? Are you scared I'd take advantage?"

"No!" Harry called out immediately, then managed a soft chuckle at his own fierce reaction. "No. You'd never. The worst that could happen … is that you'd see it."

"That's the worst? I want to see everything of you! And seeing you letting go, or even losing control 'in the throes of passion', as you called it earlier, it would – it would only -" a blush colored his pale face and Harry's brows raised surprised.

"It would what?"

"It's a very arousing image, as I imagine it."

Predictably, Harry's eyes shot down to Severus' groin. They grinned sheepishly as they both blushed.

"What if it isn't? What if I do something weird?" Harry mumbled.

"Something weird? Why do you think you would do something weird if you lose control? And if you did, would it matter? You think I'd make fun of you or anything? It's actually insulting that you'd think that -"

"I'm sorry," Harry softly said, his eyes downcast.

Severus sighed. "Don't be. I would never make fun of you for something you're embarrassed about. And why do you think you would do something weird?" he repeated his question. "Did something happen when you … you know … with others?"

Harry glared at him. "Didn't I just tell you I want to keep control?"

"That doesn't mean that you always _managed_ to."

"Do you really think, that if I keep my head when I'm with you, when you make me feel all … when you do those wonderful things … when you make me – if I manage to stay in control then, that I would lose control when I was with those one-night-stands that didn't do anything to me? It didn't mean anything, it didn't even feel good most of the times."

Severus felt bad for feeling so elated upon hearing this. "So … it's not that you find me – repulsive?"

Harry stared at him, flabbergasted. "Hold on. This is why you were in such a bad mood lately? This is how I insulted you? You thought I found you _repulsive_?" The young man burst out laughing. Severus glared at him, cutting off the laughing immediately.

"Sorry," Harry sobered up. "I'm not laughing at you. But the mere thought of _me_ finding _you_ repulsive … You're beautiful! I know you can't possibly be perfect, but you're perfect to me!" Harry cupped his face in his hands, then carded one hand through his long hair. "Your hair is silky, you have these beautiful high cheekbones, your lips …" Harry brushed a thumb over them, "they're not soft but they fit so perfectly to mine. Your neck's so charmingly responsive, your chest is so broad and muscular, your skin tastes so exquisite …" Harry's fingers followed his words, until Severus placed his hands over them. Only now Harry became aware of the other man's erratic breathing. When he looked up in the golden-specked eyes, he saw that they'd darkened with desire.

"Oh!" he pulled back, surprised.

"Sorry," Severus tried to control himself. "I know we've had quite a few drinks, we shouldn't do this now."

"We should have dinner."

"Quite a sensible idea," he nodded as Harry stood up. Severus took the offered hand, but when he stood up, he pulled the younger man into his arms, hugging him tightly. Harry's face showed surprise at the display of affection, at the fact that Severus had initiated it when Harry's outstretched hand had only been an invitation to follow him to the kitchen. They both softly smiled at eachother.

"Thank you," Harry whispered, looking up into the dark eyes.

"For what?"

"For telling me that you love me. Here, in the living room in the daytime. For trying to give me what I want," his arms tightened around the taller man shortly to indicate that he meant the spontaneous hug. He pressed their lips together in a tender kiss, then sighed contented as he buried his face in Severus' neck for a few seconds.

"Let's get some dinner. You haven't been eating much lately," Severus softly said and pressed a kiss to the unruly hair. Harry broke the hug and stepped back.

"As annoying as it is, this is you taking care of me, isn't it?"

).(

"Nnggggh. How many drinks did we have last night?" Harry groaned when he woke up.

"The question is, why did we continue drinking after dinner?" Severus closed his eyes against the light filtering through the curtains. His face contorted in pain as he felt his throbbing head. Harry gingerly sat up, then went into the bathroom. After relieving himself, he returned, carrying two vials.

"You need a whole dose, don't you?" he said as he handed Severus one of the vials with the hangover cure.

"Not so loud," the other man moaned, pushing himself up in the pillows slightly to drink the potion. "Thanks," he sighed relieved when he felt better almost immediately. Harry poured down his vial and went back to the bathroom to brush his teeth against the vile taste. When he returned to the bedroom, he quickly crawled back into bed. Severus quirked one eyebrow, but didn't say anything when he disappeared into the bathroom for his own morning ritual.

"Are you really going back to sleep?" he asked when he returned not much later.

"Hmmm," Harry mumbled. "'Tis early."

"It's light outside, it can't be that early."

"Of course it's light. It's summer, the freakin' sun gets up at, what, five am?" Harry opened his eyes and glared at his boyfriend.

"Hello sunshine," Severus grinned and kneeled down next to the bed to bring their faces level.

"I will be in a much better mood if you let me get some more sleep," Harry grumbled, but he reached out his hand to bring the other man closer for a kiss anyway. Severus melted against him, a satisfied sound rumbling in his chest. When Harry moved backwards, his boyfriend followed him, crawling into bed to keep their mouths locked. When Harry pulled back and smirked, Severus scowled. "I'm not going back to sleep. I'm on your side of the bed."

"Oh dear. And surely you can't do anything about it?" Harry teased, but then his breath came out in a surprised 'huff' when Severus rolled on top of him. Sev's mouth crashed down on his, but Harry pushed him off him grumbling.

"If you're trying to seduce me, crushing me's not the way to do it."

"Seducing you? I'd be a fool to try and seduce you when you're all grumpy and wanting for more sleep," Severus grinned at him lazily. "I was just getting to my side of the bed."

"Next time, just step in at the right side," Harry muttered, his eyes already closed. He sighed contented when the older man's lips locked to his in a loving kiss and he snuggled into his arms.

"So, now's a better time to get out of bed?" Severus smiled when Harry entered the kitchen, following his nose for breakfast. Harry gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek and snatched a piece of toast from his plate.

"Sit down and I'll get you your own," Severus swatted his hand away when he tried to get a second piece. Harry plopped down and munched away happily when his boyfriend made him bacon and scrambled eggs the Muggle way.

"Where's Kreacher?"

"I sent him out," Severus replied when he tipped the contents of the frying pan onto the younger man's plate. Harry's face lit up in a goofy grin when he realized that that meant that Sev had _wanted_ to make him breakfast.

Not much later all the food was gone and Severus eyed him suspiciously. "What's with the goofy grin?"

"Nothing."

"What?" Severus repeated, backing away slightly when Harry crawled closer. Harry wasn't having any of that though, and grabbed the front of his shirt. Their mouths crashed together in a passionate kiss, a soft moan escaped Severus when his boyfriend straddled him and pushed their bodies flush together.

"You're taking care of me," Harry whispered to his lips, his hands carding through the silky black hair.

"Of course. I wouldn't want you to starve," Severus answered, his hands roaming over his boyfriend's back.

"I wouldn't starve. Especially not if you let Kreacher stay in the kitchen in the morning," Harry mumbled, nuzzling his neck.

"His happy voice annoys me," Severus muttered, burying his nose in the unruly black hair.

"And does my happy voice annoy you too?" Harry snickered, moving his mouth to his ear.

"That depends on what you're saying. And doing," he moaned when Harry's tongue shot out and licked the outer shell, then moved down his jaw with a trail of butterfly kisses. Harry felt himself grow hard when he heard the soft moans and pushed himself to Sev's stomach.

"Is this annoying you?" Harry whispered in his husky voice when he moved his hands down, shortly squeezing Sev's ass before he let them disappear under his shirt. His fingers caressed the toned stomach, trailing higher until he reached his nipples. He rolled them in his fingers gently, teasing them into hard nubs before he moved his hands to take off Severus' shirt. All Severus could do when Harry licked his nipples, was slump back in his seat, reveling in the feel of the younger man's mouth on his skin. Harry wriggled his hips a little, making their erections press against eachother.

"Is this annoying you?" Harry whispered against his lips before he assaulted him. They shared a passionate kiss, their tongues wrestling in the most erotic way while moans floated through the air.

"Only if you stop doing this," Severus bucked his hips up a little, wanting friction, wanting _something_.

"What if I stop so that we can take this to the bedroom?" Harry's voice had gone extremely low and hoarse, his pupils dilated in desire.

"You just got out of bed. You want to go back already?" Severus mumbled, his lips ghosting over the skin just below Harry's ear. The younger man whimpered, an electric feeling surging through his body at the teasing caress on this sensitive spot.

"Not going back to sleep," Harry grumbled, digging his fingers into his boyfriend's back warningly. "Ass."

"What are you planning to do to my ass?" Severus' eyes twinkled dangerously.

"If you don't wanna come to the bedroom, I'll show you right here what I wanna do to you." Harry kissed him deeply, letting his hands wander lower into his boyfriend's boxers to cup his buttocks. He ground himself to the older man wantonly, their erections rubbing together.

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"What do you want it to be?" Harry smirked, squeezing him shortly, then withdrawing his hands to cup his boyfriend's face. They kissed with small bites and teasing licks.

"Tell me what you wanna do, then I'll decide if I want to come with you," Severus teased him, bucking up his hips.

"Is it enough if I tell you I want to make you come?" Harry whispered to his lips, then stood up from his lap. He held out his hand expectantly. "Come on Sev."

"Aww you're not into dirty talk then?"

"You're an ass Severus Snape!"

Severus quickly stood up and gathered him in his arms. "I'm just teasing you Harry."

"Stop doing that," Harry pouted. Severus smirked at the childish reaction and softly bit the protruding lip. The younger man shoved his chest and went for the door, muttering under his breath. Severus quietly followed him and stroked his hand over the other man's lower back when he started on the stairs. Harry turned around startled, then found himself locked in a passionate kiss a moment later. When he pulled back reluctantly, he nudged Severus. "You'd better go first."

The older man smiled and pressed another kiss to his lips before he went up the stairs in a calm pace. He sniggered when he felt Harry's hand ghost over his ass when he followed him closely. "Hurry a little, will you? I'm a bloody teenager!" the green-eyed man whispered behind him.

"A horny teenager you mean."

"Whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" Severus turned around when he reached the landing, a sexy smirk decorating his face. Harry's breath hitched when he stepped up to him, their faces only an inch apart. Severus' eyes flicked to his boyfriend's lips when Harry unconsciously licked them. Their lips locked in a passionate kiss, not breaking apart until they reached their bedroom and tumbled down on the bed. Harry giggled at the inelegant pose Severus had landed in and crawled after him on the bed. Severus just smirked back and pulled the younger man on top of him, quickly stripping him of his shirt. His hands roamed over the slender frame when he reached up for a kiss. Harry wriggled out of his boxers, then broke the kiss to rid Severus of his boxers too. When he found his face level to the other man's erection, Harry looked up and their eyes locked. The corners of Harry's lips turned up slightly into a smile when he noticed the intensity of the golden-specked, dark eyes, the expectant expression on the older man's face. Harry lowered his eyes, kissing the smooth skin on his narrow hips, nuzzling the dark pubic hair. He inhaled slowly, letting himself revel in the sensation of this level of intimacy. His lips softly touched the heavy ball-sac and Severus took in a sharp breath. Harry inched higher, his fingers ghosting over the hard cock, the green eyes watching up close how it twitched and grew harder when he flicked out his tongue. He pressed his lips to the hard flesh, trailing kisses along the underside all the way to the glistening tip. When Severus moaned softly, Harry placed his hands on his hips and swept his tongue along the shaft, tasting the musky tang that made his head swim. His index finger followed the slick trail he'd made, making Severus shiver in delight. Harry wrapped his hand around the shaft, pumping it a few times. The other man's head snapped back into the pillows, his eyes shut in pleasure as a few drops of precum appeared.

"Sev?" Harry's hoarse voice made the dark eyes open. "Is this what you wanted?"

Harry's tongue flicked out, smearing the precum over the glistening tip. Severus let out a needy whimper and the younger man's lips closed around his throbbing erection. He let himself sink into the hot, wet heat of Harry's mouth. Harry tried his best to keep his teeth away from the sensitive flesh, while relishing in the knowledge that it would be okay if he got lost in the new sensations, if he moaned or whimpered or simply came without even being touched by Severus.

Severus' hand fisted in his boyfriend's hair, gently pulling him up. "Careful Harry, don't choke," he moaned, refraining himself from bucking up his hips. Harry detached himself for a few seconds, taking deep, steadying breaths.

"Gods, I love you Harry," Severus moaned when his lips closed around him once again, his head bobbing up and down experimentally. Severus' breath sped up even further when Harry's hand cupped his balls, his middle finger finding the sensitive spot behind them. Severus was positively thrashing the bed now, his free hand fisting the sheets compulsively, his feet pressing down into the mattress. Harry's mouth abandoned the weeping tip to move down to the heavy ball-sac, his tongue leaving a wet trail. His hand wrapped around the slick shaft, pumping in an easy rhythm while he focused on lapping at the soft skin of Severus' balls. A long, low moan escaped Severus' lips when Harry's tongue reached behind his balls, pressing to the sensitive spot.

"Harder, please," Severus whimpered. His legs spread impossibly wide when Harry's tongue worked out delicious pressure. The dark eyes snapped open when he felt a series of shudders go through Harry's body and a breathy groan escape the pink, wet lips. The pressure of Harry's hand on his cock and his mouth on his balls increased and decreased with the convulsions that went through Harry's slender body.

"Oh bloody – Merlin – you're so – so sexy Harry!" Severus choked out when the green eyes opened and a rosy color settled on his cheeks. When Harry increased the speed of his hand and lapped behind his balls, Severus felt himself get close to the edge.

"I'm gonna – gonna -" he warned Harry when he sucked the tip of his throbbing erection, making a slurping noise.

Harry pulled back and watched the pearly strands escape, landing on his hand and Severus' own stomach. He licked it off, then looked up with big eyes as Severus grabbed his hand and lapped at his own cum that covered Harry's fingers.

"Bloody hell! That's so – hot!" Harry whispered awed, crawling higher to bring their faces level. Severus wrapped his arms around him and rolled him over to his back, looking down at Harry's spent cock.

"Now _that_ was hot," Severus whispered, trailing his index finger through the sticky mess covering Harry's lower belly. He slowly licked his finger clean, then smirked at the amazed look on the younger man's face. "Breathe Harry," he whispered to his lips, softly sucking in Harry's lower lip when he drew in a shuddering breath.

"What do you say? Shower together?"

* Fiducia – _Trust/faith_


	12. Chapter 12 Saltus postremus

XII. Saltus postremus *

_A few weeks later_

Harry smirked when he returned from the bathroom. It didn't happen often that he woke earlier than his boyfriend, but the few times that it had happened, he had found Severus in weird positions. This time was no exception. Harry sneakily removed the sheet that was covering his lower body and admired the other man's body. Severus was lying on his stomach, arms raised, right knee lifted high up and to the side, left leg stretched out. Harry carefully crawled onto the bed, between his lover's widely spread legs, hoping the man wouldn't wake up yet. He let his eyes wander down, admiring the strong back, the beautiful curve where it turned into his buttocks, the creamy white globes, the dip where they turned into his legs. And in between, his most prized possessions. But for once, his prick and low-hanging balls weren't what kept Harry's stare. No, he was intrigued by Sev's crack. His buttocks were spread slightly due to his weird position, and Harry could _almost_ see his pucker. He could see where it was located, but he couldn't see it just yet.

He tentatively stroked his fingers over the creamy white ass, bending down to press butterfly kisses all over the warm flesh. Harry looked up when Severus mumbled something, letting out a breathy moan, but he didn't seem to wake up. Harry's lips strayed to the middle, to the start of his crack, and flicked out his tongue. He closed his eyes for a second, his head getting light from the heady smell of his lover. He flicked his tongue out again, delving deeper into the crack. As if on their own accord, Harry's hands gently pried the buttocks further apart, revealing the tight pucker. Harry's tongue swept across it slowly, tasting and feeling every fold and rim. A low moan escaped Harry's lips, and he absentmindedly felt his own precum dripping on his upper leg.

"Shouldn't you wait until I'm awake to see if I'm okay with this?" Severus' low voice startled Harry and his head snapped up. Severus was looking back over his shoulder and their eyes locked. Harry opened his mouth for a stuttered apology, but then Severus smirked his sexy smirk. "Don't stop now!"

Harry stared at him a bit longer, unconsciously licking his lips. Severus' eyes flicked to Harry's mouth, then lowered pointedly to his own ass. Harry's cheeks flushed when he realized his hands were still grabbing his buttocks, spreading them wide.

"But I guess you could have seen that I'm … quite enjoying this," Severus rumbled, pressing himself a bit deeper into the mattress to get some friction. Harry's eyes shot to between his legs, where he saw his boyfriend's throbbing erection. Huh, he hadn't had that before he started.

Harry lowered his head and tentatively swept his tongue over the tight pucker again. A breathy moan escaped Severus' lips, encouraging Harry to sweep his tongue along his whole crack, ending at the sensitive spot just behind his balls and back up again. Within seconds, Severus was writhing on the bed and Harry's tongue was pressing insistently against his hole, the tip just slipping in.

"More, ah … Harry please more!"

Harry's tongue pressed harder, slipping past the tight ring of muscles.

"More … harder … oh Merlin! More Harry!"

When Harry's tongue withdrew, Severus couldn't stop himself from moaning disappointedly.

"You want more? You want me to fuck you?" Harry's mouth was suddenly at his ear. Severus turned his head startled and looked into the emerald eyes.

"If you – want – only if you're – ready for it," Severus stammered, his voice husky with lust. Harry let out a low chuckle.

"I just fucked you with my tongue. Do you think I'm ready?" He made Severus turn around to his back and hovered over him. When he older man felt wetness on his stomach, he looked down. Harry's throbbing erection was freely leaking precum onto him. He grabbed Harry's shoulder and melted their mouths together in a hot, needy kiss.

"You ready?" Harry whispered between kisses. Severus nodded breathless. "Then spread your legs."

As Harry settled between his legs, Severus took some deep, calming breaths to clear his head a little. He summoned a jar of lube and held it up to Harry.

"Your fingers," he said in a husky whisper. Harry coated his fingers generously and led his hand to his lover's waiting body. His first finger slid in easily, the second wasn't much more difficult. But when Harry pressed a third finger into the tight canal, he panicked slightly when he saw Severus' body tense up.

"Wait, stay still for a second," Severus moaned when he saw the younger man withdrawing his fingers. He relaxed visibly and Harry slowly pushed all three digits further in. When he tentatively wriggled them a bit, Severus' hips bucked up.

"Unnnggg," he moaned, stars exploding against the inside of his eyelids. When he opened his eyes, he saw Harry staring at him anxiously. "Please do that again!"

Harry moved his fingers once more, drawing the same reaction from the other man. He stared at him bewildered, wondering what on earth could make Severus moan like this.

"That's the spot … that's my prostate," Severus said breathless when he opened his eyes. Harry's face lit up in understanding and he prodded his fingers intentionally now.

"Give me more Harry! I need more – everything – you!" the words tumbled uncoordinatedly from Severus' lips. The older man watched closely as Harry withdrew his fingers and coated his cock generously with lube. A soft moan escaped Harry's lips when his fingers slid over his throbbing erection, a small shudder running through his body. He hadn't been touched up until now, but he'd never been more aroused.

Severus pulled him down for a passionate kiss. "I love you Harry. So much."

"I love you too Sev," Harry whispered to his lips. They kissed deeply again, until Severus pulled up his legs and Harry got into position. Their eyes locked as Harry slowly pushed in, stilling when his lover tensed up, until he was buried to the hilt. Harry forcefully bit his lower lip, trying his best not to cum instantly. This felt so good, so tight, so perfect. When he carefully slipped out a bit and slid back in, they both moaned.

"Oh sweet Merlin, you feel so good," Severus groaned, his hands searching for something to hold on to. Harry lowered himself onto his elbows and grasped his hands, linking their fingers. Severus' legs wrapped around the younger man when their mouths met in a sweet kiss.

"Please move," Severus moaned to his lips, rolling his hips up further. His mouth opened in a surprised 'o' when Harry immediately slid out and thrust back in, brushing against _the_ spot. Harry picked on a feverish pace, biting his bottom lip so hard that he drew blood. When Severus saw the unmistakable signs of Harry's impending orgasm, he unlinked one of his hands and wrapped it around his erection, leaking copiously onto his own stomach and making slippery trails onto Harry's stomach with every movement. He moved his hand in time with his young lover's thrusts, keeping a firm grip.

A string of nonsensical sweet words tumbled from Harry's lips when his orgasm washed over him. His stabs to Severus' sweet spot became irregular, but more forceful when he filled him up with violent spurts.

Severus' legs tightened vice-like around Harry's body, keeping him in place when he exploded all over their stomachs and chests. Harry's arms shook with the effort of holding himself up while his lover rode out his orgasm, but then eventually he collapsed on top of him.

Their breathing gradually slowed down and Harry reluctantly slid out of the other man and rolled off of him. Severus immediately wrapped an arm around him, keeping him close.

"Wow."

"You can say that," Severus gave a low, hoarse chuckle.

"It was even better than I imagined," Harry sighed contented.

"Uh-huh," the other man nodded, burying his nose in Harry's hair. They lay together in silence for a while, until Harry leaned up on one elbow. His fingers traced Severus' lips absentmindedly when he looked into the dark eyes.

"I didn't think it would be so good for you too," he said softly.

"You thought that the one who bottoms just does that to accommodate the other?" Severus' lips curled up in a smile. Harry softly slapped his chest.

"Don't laugh at me."

"I'm not," Severus shook his head, "But believe me, it feels great."

"Really?"

"Really. Better than you can imagine."

Harry remained silent for a few seconds, then locked their lips. Their tongues danced in a sweet, slow kiss.

"Maybe I wanna try it too. One day," Harry whispered, his breath tickling his lover's lips.

"I'll let you get acquainted with my tongue first, and then we'll take it from there," Severus whispered back. He softly pressed Harry back into the mattress and gave him a preview of what his tongue could do.

Life couldn't get any better.

* Fiducia – _Trust/faith_


	13. Epilogue Nil nequit amor

Epilogue; 18 Years later

Nil nequit amor *

"You're late."

"Good evening to you too," Severus smiled at his husband when he stepped from the Floo into their private quarters in the Hogwarts dungeons.

"Sorry," Harry smiled up at him tiredly from the couch. "Good evening Sev. No problems at the shop, I hope?"

Severus sat down next to him and gave him a tender kiss. "Not at all. Just the regular; suppliers wanting a ridiculously high price and customers wanting to pay unreasonable low prices."

"What's new?" Harry rolled his eyes and moved in to the other man's embrace.

"Tiring day?"

"Of course. First day of term is always ... like this."

"Tell me about it," Severus grinned. He didn't miss being a teacher at all, he was perfectly happy with his potions store, but he liked hearing the stories from Harry.

"Earlier this evening, I found two first-years dueling."

"In your house?"

"Of course," Harry rolled his eyes. "Slytherin still has the most pureblood families. And which other first-years would know any spells at all?"

"I warned you when you became Head of Slytherin."

"You warned me about more things," Harry chuckled. "And I'm really glad that I don't always listen to you."

"So how many times did you have to explain how a Gryffindor became Head of Slytherin?" Severus easily talked over Harry's comment and the younger man playfully nudged him in the ribs for that.

"Just once. I figured it was easier if I assembled all the newcomers and told the story right after explaining the house rules and stuff like that."

"Stuff like that? Seriously Potter, will you ever grow up and stop using those horrible phrases?"

"Fat chance," Harry grinned widely as he got up from the couch.

"Where are you going?"

"I haven't made my rounds yet."

Severus snorted. "Don't you usually just check the map?"

"I want to make sure everybody's settled in fine," Harry shook his head. "First evening away from home, remember? It can be pretty scary when you're just eleven years old."

"Fine. Check the dorms. I'll see if you need to make your rounds through all of the castle," Severus sighed and pulled the Marauders Map towards him. Harry paused at the door, watching his husband with a barely concealed grin.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," Severus muttered, a dirty look on his face. He scowled at Harry when he saw him watching.

"I _love_ it when you say that," Harry winked and left their cozy living room.

"Took you long enough," Severus commented when Harry eventually returned.

"Homesick girl," Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"Huh. I never got those in my years."

"You did. They just stopped crying when you got remotely near. You were the scariest teacher of all, even to your own students."

"And you're the friendly one who comforts and -" Severus had started sarcastical, but stopped for a moment, then gave a fake sigh. "You are."

"I am," Harry nodded his head solemnly and wanted to plop down on the couch, but Severus stopped him. "What now?"

"There's a Weasley on the loose," Severus pointed at the open map. "Heading this way."

"Don't tell me it's Laurent."

"Well, it certainly isn't Victoire. If Laurent wouldn't have looked that much like Bill, I would have sworn he was George's. You think he told him all the secret passageways?" Severus watched the pair of tiny feet move over the map.

"If he didn't, I'm pretty sure Charlie did," Harry looked at the direction of the seventeen-year-old boy and headed towards the door. "I'll be right back."

Laurent cursed silently when his surrogate uncle seemed to appear out of nowhere in front of him. "Uncle Harry."

"Laurent," Harry inclined his head coolly. "Where do you think you're going at this hour? Never heard of curfew? Or never learned to tell time?"

Laurent grinned. "Weren't you the one who taught me to tell time?"

"I guess that's true," Harry couldn't stop himself from smiling. "Still doesn't explain your presence out of your dormitory."

"Please, uncle. I was just ..." he mumbled something unintelligible.

"What?"

"I haven't seen her all summer! Her parents took her to some stupid camping place in Italy!" the boy called out with a pained look on his face.

"Seen who?" Harry frowned, but then he suddenly understood. "Were you off to see your girlfriend, perhaps?"

"Please, I just want to say hi to her! I had Prefect duties on the train and we had to go to our Houses right after the feast, we couldn't even -"

"You will have plenty time to go over to her in the morning during breakfast. And lunch. And dinner," Harry shook his head.

"Uncle!" the pretty boy whined.

"No. I will not make exceptions. It's past curfew, go back to bed. Now, or I will have to take points."

Laurent chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment, then seemed to decide that he was serious. "Good night," he mumbled.

"Good night Laurent. And I will know if you don't go straight back to the Gryffindor tower," Harry warned him with a stern look. "Oh, and don't take the passage past the Charms classroom. I just saw Peeves somewhere over there."

"Thanks. Give my love to uncle Sevon," Laurent smiled his brilliant smile and hurried off.

Harry shook his head smiling and headed back to his own quarters.

"What house did Rose Weasley get sorted into?" Severus asked when Harry hung up his robes and kicked off his shoes.

"Gryffindor, of course. Did you hear that the young Malfoy got sorted today too?"

"Scorpius is his name, isn't it? Poor you, having your high school enemy's son in your house," Severus frowned.

"He's not," Harry shook his head. "Scorpius got sorted into – don't laugh, I know what you think of them – he got into Hufflepuff."

"You're joking!"

"Dead serious," Harry said, but then laughed at the incredulous look on the other man's face. After a few seconds, Severus burst out laughing. "This is priceless!"

"Everybody where they should be?" Harry said when they finally stopped laughing.

Severus nodded and tapped the map with his wand. "Mischief managed."

Harry felt a shiver run down his spine when he heard the other man's low voice. "You haven't done anything mischievous," Harry whispered in the other man's ear when he wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"Oh? You're up for something mischievous? Maybe even naughty? You'd better get your wand out then," Severus turned around and looked down in the emerald eyes.

"My wand?" Harry said puzzled, but when his husband pulled him flush to his body and ground their hips together, he suddenly understood. "That's _tacky_, Sev. Really tacky. I might have to -"

"Please do," Severus mumbled just before he molded their lips together in a deep kiss. They stumbled to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind.

).(

Severus woke to insistent knocking on the door. He looked over and saw Harry deep asleep. After all those years of troubled sleep, Severus didn't have the heart to wake up his lover. He put on his boxers and got out of bed, pulling on a robe on his way to the door.

"Yes?" he opened up to a worried looking third year.

"Uhm, sorry to disturb you Mr. Prince. I was looking for Professor Potter."

"He's asleep. What is the matter?"

"It's Thomas, sir. He's running a fever I think."

"Lead the way Mr. ... Greengrass, isn't it?"

"Yes, sir," the boy nodded and chanced a smile at the man striding next to him, his black robes billowing behind him, flapping around his ankles. He looked quite impressive, intimidating. But if Professor Potter was married to this man, he couldn't be that bad, could he?

Severus shooed the boys away who were gathered around one bed. "Tell me what seems to be the matter," he looked down at the sweating, pale boy.

"I don't feel well, sir."

"Well, you don't look too good either," Severus shook his head and shot a stern look at the other boys to make them get into their beds. "Don't worry Thomas," he said softly and gave the boy a small smile when he ran some basic diagnostic spells over his body. "You just seem to have caught a cold. I will get you some potions, and if you don't feel better in the morning we will take you to the Hospital Wing."

"Sir? Shouldn't he see Madam Pomfrey?" one of the boys said hesitantly when Severus returned with some vials.

"No use waking Poppy up for a simple cold," Severus said curtly, then sat down next to the sick boy. "Don't worry, Professor Potter brewed these himself," he helped the boy sit up to take the potions.

"Thank you sir," Thomas smiled relieved when he felt the immediate effect and eyed the empty vials. "Will you thank Professor Potter from me?"

"He will come and check up on you in the morning, so you can thank him yourself," Severus smiled. "Don't hesitate to let someone wake us up if your fever returns. Good night."

"Good night," the boy mumbled back, already sinking into his pillows.

"Thank you sir!" the Greengrass boy called after him.

'Children aren't that bad, after all,' Severus mused when he went back into their own quarters. They even thanked him for coming. And thought of thanking Harry for the potions. They weren't that insufferable if you didn't have to teach them. And their antics _did_ make him laugh sometimes.

"What's wrong?" Harry mumbled, waking up when he slid back into bed.

"Nothing's wrong, go back to sleep," Severus kissed him softly and sighed contented when Harry's warm body wrapped around him.

He sometimes still couldn't believe that this incredible man, that Harry was his forever. But he'd stopped questioning it, he was happy the way it was. He knew he had changed, a lot, under Harry's influence. Not because Harry wanted him to change, but just because of his presence Severus learned that there was usually a different, kinder way to approach things.

The sick boy had seemed to be at ease once he'd smiled at him. The Weasley kids thought he was a fun uncle when he played Quidditch with them. People seemed to _like_ him.

"You changed me Harry," Severus whispered into the messy hair of the sleeping man.

"I didn't," Harry answered, surprising him. "You changed yourself, because you allowed yourself to love other people and let them love you back."

"Is that really what did it?"

"Nil nequit amor, Sev," Harry mumbled and snuggled deeper under the blankets.

"Love can do everything."

THE END

* Nil nequit amor – _Love can do everything_


End file.
